Random Asides

Skepchicamp vs the Anti-Psychic Kitty

The good folks at the Bolingbrook Babbler, namely Dale Onofrey, are making a push for their Anti-Psychc Kitty to speak at Skepchicamp this year. Seems that all my attempts to reach their psychics telepathically have failed, so I’d like to address their concerns and accusations here (cross posted on the Skepchicamp blog.)

On New Years Day, the Babbler posted this YouTube video calling Skepchicamp for not allowing Kitty to speak, my response after the video:

Dear Bolingbrook Babbler Staff and fans,

While we at Skepchick and the planning committee at Skepchicamp appreciate your interest in attending and contributing to any skeptic event (strange for a bunch of swamp monster believing psychics), at this time it is not possible for us to accept a cat as a speaker. Even if that cat has the ability to make psychics explode using her brain.

Currently our speaker roster is full (with human speakers) and has been for some time now. Even if this were not the case,  fortunately, our facility, Galway Arms, is a restaurant and cannot, by law, allow animals into the establishment unless they are certified trained guide animals who are working to assist disabled humans. Believing in psychics is not an actual recognized disability, unfortunately, and causing psychics to blow up in a restaurant is not “assisting”… it’s murder. Not to mention the debris from such an explosion violates pretty much every single health code in Illinois. A restaurant cannot serve food where humans have been murdered, especially when their organs and fluids are splattered throughout an entire floor of the establishment, and especially more especially when cat pee is involved.

Additionally, it is our understanding that APK can only communicate through facilitated communication. Unfortunately, due to the complete and utter BS of this method, Skepchicamp is unable to facilitate facilitated communication.

Maybe I should also mention that none of us believe in APK’s ability to murder psychics with her mind. However, we do believe in APK’s ability to kill several of our attendees with her fur, including our sponsor, Surly Amy, and my husband. Also, her poo is bad for pregnant women… and I don’t care what powers your cat has, it still poos.

Please understand that my decision to exclude Kitty is final. I will not be accepting appeals on her behalf.

We appreciate your interest in Skepchicamp, and invite you and your staff to make a very generous donation to our cause by sending money to us via PayPal to [email protected]

Sincerely,

Elyse Anders

PS. If Sylvia Browne, James van Praaaaaague and John Edwards become explodified in the next year, Anti-Psychic Kitty will be invited to speak at Skepchicamp 2011 via engraved invitation  hand-delivered by Jesus using Falcor’s Messenger Service.

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Elyse

Elyse MoFo Anders is the bad ass behind forming the Women Thinking, inc and the superhero who launched the Hug Me! I'm Vaccinated campaign as well as podcaster emeritus, writer, slacktivist extraordinaire, cancer survivor and sometimes runs marathons for charity. You probably think she's awesome so you follow her on twitter.

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6 Comments

  1. Pffft. There’s nothing special about APK. All cats have the ability to make psychics explode. Of course, the technique only works on genuine psychics, which is why you don’t hear about it more often.

  2. Let me suggest a way out of this quagmire. First, because your fearless leader now resides in the U.K. and, second, there are currently a surplus of big red telephone booths available there, I propose the following:

    APK shall, at its own expense, travel to the outskirts of London where it will be placed into a surplus phone booth. An alleged British psychic shall be located and placed into a different surplus phone booth.

    APK shall be allowed to do its thing.

    Said psychic will either explode or not explode. If explosion takes place, the results will be confined to the insides of the booth.

    Likewise, any effluvia from the so-called cat will be confined to the insides of its own phone booth.

    Upon successful completion of this demonstration, you might be willing to reconsider if the phone booths can be suitably cleaned and relocated to the site of Skepchicamp.

    I’m available for any last minute negotiations regarding details.

  3. I would also like to point out that by circumventing proper procedure (i.e. me, the Supreme Speaker Conjurer) and appealing directly to the Elyseian Powers that Be, they make themselves look worse. Even if we weren’t full and it wasn’t a cat and it could speak, I would deny them on general principles because I am mad with power.

  4. @Old Geezer:
    Said psychic will either explode or not explode. If explosion takes place, the results will be confined to the insides of the booth.

    Schroedinger’s psychic?
    The cats’ way of avenging quantum physics thought experiments.

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