PoliticsRandom AsidesSkepticism

Proof That the End Times Are Nigh…

...Or, If a Man Shits in Your Neighborhood, Does it Still Make a Sound?

.My darling husband Strange and I have been “social distancing” since Friday. That’s six days of total marital togetherness. We’re surviving pretty well. To be honest, I think every American should be given one free month of social distancing to be used in leap years going forward. Imagine how awesome this could be if everyone had been prepared for it? It could have been like a state-sponsored sabbatical.

The Loveland Products truck blocking my road yesterday.

Instead, I am worried that the world is crumbling after only 6 days. It only took six days for the cracks in society to being to emerge. The stock market is pulling a Greg Louganis, people are talking about having to close their businesses or how they’re going to pay rent, and people have begun to ignore basic social norms. Let me show you an example. This is the grainy, low-resolution picture of the truck that blocked my road yesterday. It’s right next to my house. The picture was taken by my friend on his way home.

“Why did someone park their truck and block our road?”, you might ask yourself. The answer is, to take a giant shit on the ground right next to my house. Here’s the evidence…

This is the guy taking a shit on the ground, right next to my house.

It took only 6 days of social distancing for people to just start shitting openly, in public,

But, it’s also clear from the photograph that this guy is not a first-time public shitter. Look at how he has neatly hung his hoodie in the tree. He’s learned how unpleasant it can be to accidentally shit on your own hoodie and no one wants to spend the rest of the day cold. Look at how he aims his squat. If you gotta pee too, or the shit’s only semi-solid, you don’t want to hit your own shoes. He also had his own TP in the truck. This is known because there is now a pile of this guy’s used TP next to my house. Look at how he stoops on his haunches like a pro. It is a possibility that social distancing has simply made people with public shitting tendencies more brazen. He didn’t even go behind that large, man-sized stone he’s standing near.  He hovered for all to see.

Why am I even bothering with this? I don’t care that a guy shit on the ground. I care that he didn’t pick it up. A guy with TP in his truck, who hangs his hoodies on a tree with such care, obviously has a plastic bag. He just didn’t care. That’s not a very neighborly thing to do.

Either way, let’s go back to the most important takeaway lesson. It only took 6 days for people to start shitting in front of my house.  He could’ve been too scared of COVID-19 to take the risk of going to a gas station or restaurant.  At least you won’t get sneezed on, shitting in someone’s neighborhood.

And I’ve been worried about how to manage my online teaching.  I haven’t spent any time on my public pooping protocol (PPP). My coronavirus response and action plan (CRAP). I clearly have my priorities misaligned.

 

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Isis the Scientist

Scientist, mother of the iKids, Strange’s wife, professorial, diversity, Iowan, bikes, shoes, debt free zealot, post-stomach. Old crone of a blogger who just never learns. Not close to affiliated with my employer.

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