Religion

Sweet Jesus, Who’s that Bearded Mystery Man?

So, we geniuses in Florida strike again, this time in Orlando where the alleged image of Jesus was captured in a hospital prayer garden window.

Jesus

The apparition caused a “commotion” with the hospital patrons who witnessed it, snapping pictures and notifying the local news station. One man, who was dealing with the tragedy of his ex-wife’s diagnosis with stage 3 cancer, found comfort in the image. He said, “This was just a sign for me to not worry about what is going on in my life and that everything else is under control. It was an enlightening experience.”

What I’d like to know is – why do they think this is Jesus?

I’ve said it before on this blog (though it was almost 2 years ago), but the chances that Jesus was white or had caucasian features is slim to none. The caucasian Jesus is likely nothing more than a fantasy retro-fit dreamed up by…well…caucasians. I mean, when was the last time you saw a white guy from the middle east? Chances are, Jesus looked more like this:

Black Jesus

So, if it wasn’t Jesus in that prayer garden window…who was it?

Based on a quick scan of the interwebs, I think it may be Sean Connery:

Sean Connery

Or maybe Abe Lincoln?

Lincoln

If it was, it sure was thoughtful of them to stop by to comfort the hospital patrons. Too bad Jesus got all the credit.

____

Update…Jesus’ celebrity look-alikes…just for fun! (And, in retrospect, I think the mystery man may have been Ryan Gosling!)

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31 Comments

  1. The glowing white orb to the right is clearly the nose of the Space Shuttle. Or Uma Thurman’s Power Ranger-style helmet in Kill Bill. She clearly has “unfinished business” with somebody in that hospital.

  2. I think Abe Lincoln is a much likelier candidate for comforting the suffering than Sean Connery. Now, if it was a mad scientist’s island lair and he was threatening world domination, then James Bond might show up.

    Something I found curious about the news story…

    Witnesses said after a few hours, the image vanished.

    Watch Local 6 News for more on this developing story.

    What else do they expect to develop? Jesus showed up, hung around for a few photos, then vanished. Seems like the story has done all the developing it can.

  3. This is a little disturbing. Among the matches it gave me:

    Hugh Grant — well, OK, he looks a LOT like my dad did at his age, so I can deal with that, aside from the whole “BUT HE’S A BOY!” thing.

    Julia Stiles — yes, some resemblance, except for the whole “BUT SHE’S GORGEOUS!” thing.

    Gisele Bundchen — in that we both have one nose, two eyes, and one mouth, I suppose there are some similarities.

    Quentin Tarantino — WTF?

    Billy Bob Thorton — really, WTF?!

    And even after trying four different pictures, none of them had even a slight match to Renee Zellweger, to whom I do actually have some resemblance at the height of her Bridget Jones era when she actually had, you know, CURVES.

    Mumble, grumble, mutter, stupid site.

  4. Seriously, why does every face that appears in a mirror, or on a mountain side, or on a pair of stained underpants have to be J.C.? Is the dude so desperate for attention that he has to use his magical powers to show himself on a Belgian waffle? That’s a little tacky Jesus.

  5. I seem to remember that the most contempory sources, that gave a vague description of a guy that might have been this Jesus guy everyone is so interested in (I also seem to remember that that’s the best they can do for evidence) described him as young looking clean shaven and short haired. It deeply distresses me that my own look (viking that fell through a time hole and has been dressed in modern clothes by the two kooky teenage slackers that found me) is often mistaken for the Jesus look.

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