Save Me

If there is a major earthquake and the crappy building I live in collapses and falls on me, do try to save me.
If the neighbor leaves the gas oven on and a fire starts or I pass out from the fumes, please try to save me.
If I’m trapped in a crushed car, do attempt to pry me out.
If I have a heart attack try CPR.
If I get caught in the cross fire, please patch my wound.
If I choke try the Heimlich Maneuver.

But seriously kids, no need to try save me or any of the other ‘intelligent staff’ here at Skepchick from your imaginary ghosts, goblins and gods.
They really aren’t life threatening, unless you take them too seriously.

Although they might cause me to forget how to spell the website I write for.

Oh and by the way, I totally deny the “holly spirit.”

save me

Thanks to Gabriel for the link! We got a good giggle out of it. :)

Amy Roth

Amy Davis Roth (aka Surly Amy) is a multimedia, science-loving artist who resides in Los Angeles, California. She makes Surly-Ramics and is currently in love with pottery. Daily maker of art and leader of Mad Art Lab. Support her on Patreon. Tip Jar is here.

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  1. So Rebecca and the other bloggers here are highly intelligent, but it would be too much to consider what they actually have to say. That would be a bridge too far– better to just label it “atheist drivel” and worry about their souls. Do I have that right?

  2. I thought a response from one of the godless followers of Rebecca would be appropriate, but it turns out that you can’t post (at least in that particular forum) without declaring yourself to be a christian. Apparently they don’t like dissenting opinions posted that might undermine the faith.

    All hail Rebecca and the skepticism for which she stands!

  3. I’ve been touched by the Holly Spirit, and now I’m being slowly poisoned by little berries of ignorance and hypocrisy. Now that Touchdown Jesus has been smited, who will save me now?

  4. Christians are like pot smokers. If you’re standing near them, they’ll gladly share with you, and if you don’t want it then there’s clearly something wrong with you.

    (note: I’m not talking about YOU, pot smoking reader. I’m talking about my punk rock weedhead friends, so don’t bother with the OMG I NEVER attitude)

  5. I like how one of the repliers seems to think that it’s only rich people (“the people with the biggest kingdom’s on this earth”) who don’t believe in god. Kid clearly’s never seen a grad student’s salary.

  6. @doublehelix20: Excellent point! My big ole’ kindom on earth is a single room in a house I share with two friends. I don’t own a car or a house or a cottage or even prayer beads. But I’m the happiest I’ve been in my life. My money goes directly into the mouths of my children and my ex-wife, and I live on very little and love the life I lead, largely because it’s a life full of wonder at the natural world. But yeah, I’d be better if Jesus squatted in my heart and fed me guilt sandwiches.

  7. Why do you suppose the christian teen thinks we will be happier if we had God. Do we sound unhappy? Cause I think we are pretty cheerful group.

    It is my understanding that the Holly Spirit is a plant spirit that come out at Xmas to celebrate the the ritual sacrificing of millions of pine trees. Or I just made that up.

  8. I am disappointed that they fell back on the lame “anyone can be saved, but they have to want to” line.

    I was hoping for an action plan to forcibly save Rebecca. Teenagers have no appreciation for action plans.

  9. these kids are so nobly pious *eye roll*
    so, i decided to read a few of the responses to the question on the host site (my curiosity got the better of my impulse to avoid things that will make me bang my head against my desk) and was gratified/not surprised to find terrible spelling, grammar and punctuation as far as the eye could see. i momentarily gained a modicum of respect for soli deo gloria when he laid the smack down on someone for misquoting the bible (which fanatical christians apparently love to do), but then just a few posts later he proudly announces that he is homophobic, bc “they just creep me out.” modicum of respect lost. when will i learn? =/
    to bastardize a quote from their own site: i am burdened by their ignorance

  10. oh, he got me! I’m just soo saaaaaaad because I’m an atheist.

    Real things that make me sad? war. baby rapers. ignorance. abuse. famine. oil spills. environmental destruction. premature death. So if y’all could fix those things, it would make me a lot happier than the supposed friendship of an imaginary dude in the sky.

  11. Maybe the reason for the declining number of pirates (which causes global warming) is the christians have been stealing all their rum? If they switch to holly spirits, they can save the world! Yippee! Only problem is holly spirits sound disgusting.

  12. @phlebas: I think they’d be surprised by how many who comment here use to, but no longer care about being saved. And clearly just a bunch of young kids, as young as thirteen by the looks of some of the comments.

    @Amy: Not to mention dumping the guilt for some.

    @Skept-artist: Bloody Mary with a blood orange twist and a crown of thorns on top.

  13. So, these people see you minding your own business and come to tell you how obvious it is that you’re choking in a crushed car trapped in the cross fire where the neighbor left the gas on during a major earthquake, and you so need to be saved with the Heimlich CPR patch that they, and only they, purvey.

    And when you decline, they’re aghast that such an intelligent person would choose to remain in such a deadly situation.

  14. @Andrés Diplotti: Clearly, skeptics are in denial since they refuse to acknowledge the reality of things that have no impact on the physical universe. The ineffability of the supernatural (which is a natural consequence of its having no natural consequences) should convince you of its reality. As Tertullian seems not to have said, “I believe because it is absurd.”

  15. I don’t know what the Holly Spirit is, or if it’s good or bad, but I’m just going to go ahead and deny it, just to be safe. I deny the Holly Spirit. And while I’m at it, I also deny the Holy Spirit!

  16. As obnoxious as this sort of thing is, at some level I find the concern touching. Evangelicals are often more moral than their deity. They believe in a deity that will torture people for eternity and is perfectly ok with it. They are not ok with that. This concern makes them better beings than the deity which they claim dictates morality. At some level that indicates a surprisingly strong moral compass.

  17. I gotta say, that forum made more sad than anything. Sad for multiple reasons: 1) I used to think that way and really did worry about saving people 2) I wasted so many years worrying about stupid shit 3) therefore, I actually feel sorry for them, but then realized I shouldn’t because that’s how they feel about us. 4) Then I felt silly. And more sad.

    Stoopid religion. Still making people feel like shit, even when they reject it.

    For the record, not only am I happier as an atheist, but I have WAY better orgasms.

  18. I wanted to comment when I found the site but I wasn’t going to join up and lie and say I was a christian.

    I just wanted to tell them that I, as an atheist, wasn’t sad at all and was going to wish them the best of luck.

    I love the idea of a blood of christ cocktail. I will work on something and get back to you.

  19. Sean @34 , I can honestly say that I’m much happier as an atheist, but the typical response from evangelicals to such a statement is “If you think you’re happier without Christ in your life, he must never have really been there.”

  20. I disagree with you, Phlebas. That’s unfair to say teenagers don’t have an appreciation for action plans. It would, however, be accurate to say teenagers that don’t write for/read Teen Skepchick don’t have an appreciation for action plans. Gotta get these things right.

  21. @Skept-artist: Manischewitz Sangria in a wineskin hanging on a cross. Serve by lancing with a spear. Later, when discussing the drink, start adding details about the lights flickering and the living room curtain tearing.

  22. That reminded me very much of where I went to high school. I have to credit religion with giving me the ability to detect bull shit from a comfortable distance. It took 16 years to get away, but thanks to “god” I learned to identify a hypocrite when I was around 4 yrs old!

  23. @Sean: was i happier as a christian? no. am i necessarily happier as an atheist? no. i’m a generally happy person, and as some research suggests, most people have a baseline level of happiness that doesn’t change much, regardless of what situation they find themselves in.

    this whole question, though, is really the root of what started me questioning my faith. i really believed that christians were better, happier people than everyone else. then, as i approached my late teens, i started seeing my christian friends doing all sorts of horrible things to each other and creating all manner of drama and unhappiness, while the few nonreligious people i knew in my small town (i have one out atheist classmate to thank for being brave enough to be out) seemed to be perfectly happy and well adjusted.

    that’s not to say i think christians in general are necessarily any worse or less happy than the rest of us; they’re just people.

  24. Trufax: Where I work we get a lot of religious orders (for fiberglass domes and/or crosses, often in 22 Karat gold plating – great expenditure of their wealth!) and there was one particular company we dealt with that was officially called, on their billing paperwork, Holyland Builders. Except all of their official documentation for request for work was labelled Hollyland Builders. We even called them to ask for the correct spelling and they didn’t know.

  25. ” But what gets me is that she is obviously very intelligent, as are most of her staff
    I think @Rebeccawatson owes @Amy a pay cheque :) and… who is it that dosn’t fall into the ‘most’?

  26. I’ve had my ups and downs, but I guess I felt better after I rediscovered atheism. Then life wasn’t a game where you tried to guess what God wanted you to do. I could make my own choices. Even though I had to deal with the consequences of my decisions, I felt liberated.

    You can’t choose to believe in something. You either are convinced, or you are not. I’m not to pretend to be something I’m not.

  27. This is a great “sight”, and I think intelligent, heathen women are awesome. Also, the “holly” spirit only shows up in the holly patch at midnight on Christmas morning. Don’t forget your security blankets.

  28. I won’t say I became happier when I realized I was an atheist. It was more of a sense of relief at no longer trying to invent a concept of God that fit into my beliefs. There was the happiness that comes with discovering a part of who you are. But I don’t think my life is better or worse now. That said, I’ve always been pretty secular so it wasn’t an enormous change in my philosophy.

    I do think I’m a happier person having stumbled into skepticism, in that it’s always been a big part of my life but I never had the vocabulary to describe it, or a way to learn more about it. The fact that I’m now plugged into an endless supply of stuff for me to read and learn about, on topics I find completely fascinating, adds to my overall happiness since I can’t go back to school now.

  29. Eventually this kid might notice the proportion of “obviously intelligent” people in theism vs. in !theism.
    Of course, I might be overestimating his ability to recognise the “obviously intelligent” from the small sample presented in his post.

  30. I comfort myself with the knowledge that if I’m wrong, as wildly unlikely as that is, when I do go to Hell, I’ll have excellent company.
    In Heaven, all I’d have to keep me company would be a bunch of self-righteous, unquestioning believers – that would be truly hellish!

  31. @Rebecca Watson: Sadly, although I’m in Copenhagen right now, the conference tickets are a bit more than I can afford right now.
    Could you applaud a little louder at Richard Dawkins for me, please?

  32. Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company, Skepchick for the cocktails.

    I like to think skeptics are a caring bunch – because it’s the logical position to take – so should we really be celebrating torture, murder and death through the medium of cocktail recipes, however grimly amusing?

  33. I don’t think I’m actually more happy but rather less worried now that I’m no longer religious.

    And it seems that others have now picked up my share of those worries and are worried FOR me and my soul in my stead. I think it’s sad, as nobody told them they had to do so, least of all me.

    The main reason I was able to let go of my worries was the realisation that neither god nor the soul exist, and were simply concepts conceived by people who just didn’t know any better.

    I know better now. X-tian teenager doesn’t and seems compelled to waste time and energy (and some day probably even money) on something that’s completely pointless nonsense. Not to mention the unnecessary emotional grief and guilt he’ll experience throughout the rest of his life trying to appease a vengeful but ultimately non-existent deity by acting a certain way against his own will.

  34. @Rebecca Watson: It’s disappointing, isn’t it? I guess I shouldn’t expect true project management from teenagers, but we should at least demand more targeted aphorisms.

    “Can people like Rebecca even have her lawn mowed?”

    “Yes, anyone can have their lawn mowed, but only if they WANT to.”

  35. Well, I want my lawn mowed, but I don’t have one :(

    Maybe that’s because I’m already dead and the Mormons need to water my lawn first?

  36. *scratches head* I’m confused. This woman is encouraging us to indulge in the Holly Spirit because we’re sad without God’s Light.

    Don’t spiritous liquors – taken regularly and abundantly – cause depression?

  37. Dear Skepchicks:

    If you’re not familiar with the man, his screen name is mark4jesus05, and he posts on a web forum for Christian teens.

    It’s basically a hive of angsty teens wrapped up in their faith and legitimizing it through posting on forums, and are in serious need of broadening their horizons. What gets me is that many of these kids are probably intelligent, as they are capable of justifying their belief with any relevant Bible quote they can find (at least as far as I’m able to tell), and yet they still persist in denying that the Bible isn’t a scientific text or literal guide on how to live your life.

    I so desperately want to be able to reach these teens, because I know that they would be so much happier if they realize that they can have God in their lives yet realize that religious tolerance means that not only are they allowed to have forums like theirs, but they need to stop proselytizing at every possible minute and see that they would be a great asset to society if they took that energy and actually turned the other cheek and loved their neighbors as they loved themselves…but I am just not sure how they could be reached…how kids like this, that are so far gone at their most impressionable age, could ever understand that limiting yourself to one dogma means you’re going to have a really stale and limited life. :(

    What about you guys?
    Do you think teens like this can be made to understand that their religion isn’t for everyone?

  38. The Blood of Christ

    1 oz vodka
    1 oz rum
    1 tsp grenadine
    blood orange juice
    maraschino cherry

    Pour the vodka, rum and grenadine into a high ball glass, fill with ice, top off with the blood orange juice , stir and garnish with a cherry and a slice of blood orange

  39. @Chasmosaur: They aren’t without hope. There are several regular commenters at Skepchick who used to be exactly where they are. Indeed, I saw at least one or two in this thread alone. :)

    That said, it’s not really something you can force. Some of ’em will outgrow such nonesense. Some will become less religious, others will become agnostic or even atheist, and some will stay the same, and some still will become worse. But there will be a few that will outgrow it, I’m sure. It’s just how it goes, I’ve noticed. And you can’t really predict it.

  40. @marilove:

    I love ya – mostly because I’m as adoring of Izzard as you are – but settle back, have a Blood of Christ and enjoy the sarcasm, mari. ;)

    Kids grow up and out of this stuff all the time. Just pointing out the inanity of it all…

  41. @Sean: As someone with a rather confused religious background, I’d have to say that not bothering at all with any of that nonsense hasn’t made any difference in my happiness quotient.

    I was raised more or less Baptist, went and did the whole water dunk thing at the age of 12, but was also attending Catholic schools most of my life. In college I tried all that new-agey spiritual stuff, attempted faux-Buddhism, wicca, poorly understood Taoism, and finally came to reason later.

    I probably never really believed in any of it though, even when I was “seeking” it all seemed vaguely silly.

  42. @Peregrine COTW!

    @Sean: As a theist I worked SO hard to fit in and be like everyone else. But when I didn’t live up to their expectations, when I asked hard questions and KEPT asking hard questions I was made to feel unwelcome with snide comments and rudeness. I was miserable.

    I am SO much happier being an atheist. I don’t have to pretend anymore. I don’t have to TRY to fit in. I’m accepted the way I am, pink hair and all :-)

    As for the Holly Spirit, come on guys…it’s a typo. If you’re going to criticize, criticize the dogma and the fact that these kids aren’t even bothering to talk to us. They’re doing what they have been brainwashed into doing. They’re not thinking for themselves. But give them a little time, They’re young yet.

    Remember, you can’t change the mind of a True Believer, but you can plant the seed. Maybe someone with more experience than myself should go ask a basic atheistic question.

  43. @Skept-artist: That’s not a bad idea. It could even fit within an entire blasphemy/Christian paranoia themed dinner party idea. A bleeding host bread course, etc. Play into the worst fears/greatest fantasies of the Christian persecution fetish. Throw in a reading from the monologue by the hair left behind by God in the bordello from Les Chants de Maldoror or something similar and you’d have a winner.

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