Afternoon Inquisition 12.23
With the newest episode of the Skepchick Podcast (the last for 2008) out today, my question is related and simple:
How are you, dedicated Skepchick reader, creative person, good citizen brave & true (and, of course, snappy dancer):
How are you fighting the War on Christmas?
I love Christmas. I don’t fight in that war. :-)
In the interest of capturing the feel of the season we have a tree.
However, in an effort to fight the war we’re spreading discord through a primarily erisian theme with many golden apples as decorations.
We have the Flying Spaghetti Monster instead of the angel too.
By pointing out that all the evidence shows that if there was a Jesus he was actually born in spring, and that Christmas was stolen from another holiday.
I don’t. I’m anti-war.
@teambanzai: What does Xmas have to do with Jesus? ;)
I spend way to much money on gifts for friends and family. I decorated a tree and the house. I say happy holidays or merry christmas as the mood takes me. See, I’m a double agent. Once I learn all of the secret christmas information I will transmit it via a microdot in National Geographic back to the headquarters of the world wide atheist conspiracy so that they can plan the next attack.
I ignore it, as it’s an imaginary construct put together as a fundraising strategy by certain greedy fundamentalists that shall go unnamed in this post.
Merry Mithras! ;-)
@Gold: Good point!
By sticking to all the Yuletide traditions: Decorating the house, putting up a tree in the lounge and decorating it, drinking, feasting, giving presents to friends and family.
I plan on sending out Perihelion cards. I’ll probably keep putting it off, though and next thing you know, it’s Aphelion and it’s way too late to even blame the post office. Maybe I should just skip it and start working on my Equinox cards instead.
I say “Happy Chrismahanukwanzaramasolstifestivus” as a gesture of making as many celebrants feel included as possible.
The rest can go fornicate themselves. I can’t add any more syllables.
I’ll fight the War on Christmas by turning Santa Claus to the authorities. Think about it: a guy who flies at night in an unregistered craft, carrying lots of packages across international borders… You have to admit it looks suspicious as hell.
I realize this question is in jest, but I’m not really doing anything. I’m fortunate to be living in an as yet enlightened part of the country where the holiday isn’t that intrusive. Come to think of it, I’d have to really go looking for a nativity scene, because even the churches in my neighborhood are lacking them.
What I have done is decorate my backyard geodesic dome with lights to brighten things up a bit. I also bought a tree to stick inside the house because I love the fresh smell. It’s decorated with bubble lights because I think bubble lights are awesome.
i have a foxhole dug in the front yard with santas head on a stick. if that doesn’t get the peaple in town so pissed that they burn down the house, next year i will add a flaming nativity.
@AndrÃ©s Diplotti: You forgot to mention that he spies on kids and breaks into people’s houses. And what’s with that outfit? Black boots, fur and red velvet? Seriously.
@Steve DeGroof: f-ing hilarious! I almost fell out of my chair after reading that.
@Steve DeGroof: COTW nomination: “I plan on sending out Perihelion cards. Iâ€™ll probably keep putting it off, though and next thing you know, itâ€™s Aphelion and itâ€™s way too late to even blame the post office. Maybe I should just skip it and start working on my Equinox cards instead.”
Your Santa comment was also funny but nearly as much as the above.
By celebrating it with my family, I guess. Also, I tend to say Happy Holidays to strangers instead of Merry Christmas, which is apparently a full frontal assault.
Heavy casualties today. Stumbled onto an advance party, scouts from the 1225th Hollyhuckers. We traded small arms fire, but their main force arrived too quickly, and we were overwhelmed. Private Leibowitz went to work on them with his nine-pronged flame thrower, and those of use who were still alive managed to retreat into the safety of the pine forest.
I looked back, and saw them hit Leibowitz’s position with a missle; TOW, I believe. They’ll be sending what’s left of him home in a Ziploc bag.
About a dozen of us made it back to the cave, and we’ve been holed up there ever since. We’ve got the lights down low and we’re trying not to be noticed. Those of us who still have an appetite are quietly munching on some egg rolls that I scrounged from the mess before we hiked down into this awful place.
The lieutenant thinks if we lay low for long enough, they’ll give up and let us go. I can hear him discussing it with three of our wisest men. The murmur of their voices almost sounds comforting.
Dawkins is on watch. He yells from the mouth of the cave. I see a starburst flare, high in the sky to the East. I hear ordinance cracking in long strings, like popping corn. Splashes of blood, bright crimson, stain Dawkins’ green fatigues.
We’re not going to make it out of here…
Was that too literal an interpretation?
that makes no sense… once you’re in the foxhole, don’t you automatically accept Jesus as your personal Lord and savior and hence begin celebrating Christmas as the sacred birth of said savior?
I’ve begun wishing everyone I remember to a Happy Monkey. Very fulfilling, and great for eliciting strange looks.
With NPR, Eurovision cds and when I’m particularly ornery, Finnish melodic death metal.
By emphasising the ‘X’ in xmas,
and responding with ‘Happy Hangovers’.
Oh, and by spending Xmas day on the sofa, with a stack of books, in a sleeping bag, with a bottle of whiskey.
Does caroling “Chiron Beta Prime” or “Christmas is Interesting” count? How about celebrating the birth of Newton (screw you calendar change)?
An update on my idea in the podcast about subversive Christmas music: The soundtrack to the Stephen Colbert Christmas special is available on iTunes and it is all kinds of awesome.
This week the opening song from that album, “Another Christmas Song” is a FREE download. You can download it and the rest of the album here: http://is.gd/dcOB
I signed up for the War On Christmas to meet girls.
My secret weapon against Christmas?? Sharks with FRIKKIN laser beams attached to their heads…
Putting this 80s classic on repeat:
“Christmas cheer. Its already here.
Still have grandma’s fruit cake from last year”
I’m fighting the war on christmas by getting video games and books from my family, and stuffing my gullet full of rum balls and tangerines.
@Some Canadian Skeptic:
Isn’t Canadian Christmas in September?
By waterboarding Santa’s Elves.
Though I’ve never had a problem with celebrating it, in my head it’s a secular holiday. Between there being so many holidays all crammed together at one time and no real claim to the holiday by christianity, it’s about as christian as the Easter Bunny in full Samurai garb engaged in a heroic fight against a trident wielding Abe Lincoln in full Joker-style makeup on the deck of a pirate ship, in search of the fondue pot of youth.
Off-topic: Watch this video of Oxford primatologist Anna Nekaris discussing her analysis of “yeti hair,” and tell me she shouldn’t be an honorary Skepchick. (It’s dated Dec. 9, but it just showed up in my feed reader today.)
I have such a huge Internet crush right now I want to rush out and tell all my friends.
I don’t. I’m mostly influenced by Charlie Brown’s Christmas and the concept of wanting peace on Earth , goodwill to (wo)man is something I’m quite comfortable with. If someone said I was going to hell for not believing in the “messiah,” I’d have quite the intellectual discussion, of course. But I’ve never had that come up at this time of year.
Okay how did that guy on the skepchick podcast steal my idea of being a spy on christmas? Which one of you fucks is hiding the tardis? I want the fucking tardis.
A recent survey showed that only 45% of New Zealanders consider Christmas to have religious significance, so I’d say we’re doing pretty well down here.
Io Saturnalia Skepchickteriat!
@Gabrielbrawley: i may be hiding the tardis, but in order to get it, i may have had to do very naughty things with a certain time lord that i’m not sure you’d be up for ;)
@carr2d2: To get a tardis? I could live with it.
Just call me Capt. Jack.
I have fortified my position with drink.
@James Fox:Watcha drinking? I just finished a bottle of pinot noir and am considering martinis. I’m not drinking alone. My wife is asleep in the other room and I have all of the skepchicks on the internet.
I like to get my double-barreled sawed off shot gun and shoot the head off all the Santa’s bowing in front of a cross. Has anyone else seen these or is it only the morons living in the frackin Bible Belt? Also, did you know that Santa’s toy bag is made from Jesus’s swaddling clothes? Got that one from a Xmas cartoon this year. I don’t even know where to begin with that one.
A nice glass of Washington State chard with some clam sauce linguini and a glass of Famous Grouse for desert as soon as I press â€˜submitâ€™. My wife, daughter and I are watching â€œA Christmas Storyâ€ and Ralphy is just about to say Oh FUUUDDDGE !!!
@James Fox: Sounds yummy.
Dude … seriously … laser beams? When you have a shark … you no need no stinkin’ laser beams.
No, it’s in Ehpril.
@Oskar Kennedy (LBB): COTW, for the whole thing, but especially the nine-pointed flamethrower and the egg rolls.
My war on christmas consists mainly of using it as an excuse to spend time with my family while completely ignoring the Jesusy aspects. Boo imaginary sky daddy! Hooray beer!
We will fight them on the beaches!
We will fight them in the mountains!
We will beat them over the head with Wii Fit boxes in the aisles of K-Mart!
We will cackle and set Christmas trees on fire while screaming children run in all directions!
We will… oh, wait. I guess we’re not actually doing any of that stuff after all.
Hot chocolate, anyone?
@halincoh: Laser beams make everything better…
There is a nice article in the NYT on the 10 Days of Newton. http://judson.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/23/the-ten-days-of-newton/
Going carol singing with things like this should be a good start,
On the tenth day of Newton,
My true love gave to me,
Ten drops of genius,
Nine silver co-oins,
Eight circling planets,
Seven shades of li-ight,
Three Laws of Motion,
Two awful feuds,
And the discovery of gravity!
I’m spending Christmas Eve playing World of Warcraft.
I’m spending Christmas Day having turkey dinner (I’ll take any excuse to eat turkey) with friends instead of my family. Take that, family! Lies. I would rather be home, but circumstances prevent it.
We don’t have a tree or decorations though. We’re poor and couldn’t be bothered. We also didn’t get gifts for anyone. We needed a few things for the house, so we went and frigging bought them ourselves. No fuss, no muss.
@DNAMom: Yeah, I’ve seen those, too. I also have seen the ones of Calvin kneeling at a cross…as if! That kid’s gotta be a Skepchick member!
I signed up for the War on Christmas to meet Skepchicks…and it worked!
i’m actually doing the whole christmas thing for the first time in a few years. last year was spent with a, uh, f.w.b. eating homemade chilli and doing uh, naughty things. that was a fabulous christmas, let me tell you.
this year will be spent with family. i spent way too much money.
last night was spent at a friend’s office xmas party where we ate lobster tale AND steak. om nom nom nom.
so: food, check. presents, check. family, check. i’m just … all traditional this year!
@John Ellis: Oh, man, I was so confused for a moment. You have a very similar name to my close friend, Jon Ellis. I was like, “Wait, why is he on Skepchick? He doesn’t do non-political blogs…” then I saw the “h”. :D
Singing Happy Birthday to the great wise man.
So does bacon… Wait a minute bacon and laser beams, this could be what the world was waiting for. To the lab!
Hmm, a quick google turns up no references to laser-etched bacon.
“It’s Five O’clock Somewhere!” :-D
Oh wait, I spoke too soon: laser-engraved bacon.
@ Oskar Kennedy (LBB): That was awesome. Dawkins on watch. Brill!
@Kimbo Jones: Say hi to my son Rebelduck37 in the WoW lands on Christmas while you fight the good/bad fight!
i’m using my newfound unemployment as an excuse to be openly anti-xmas this year.
we have no tree up, largely due to having destructive cats (knocked it over every day it was up last year). my gifts are mostly homemade anyway, though they’re a little less awesome than most years, due to stress and all that job-hunting cutting into sewing time. also having 3 sets of family to visit in 2 days is a little crazy.
I suspect that i’ll be in WoW a lot too. stabbing things is so very relaxing some days.
I’m fighting the WoC by sneaking into my neighbors’ yards and unscrewing one light bulb from every string of their christmas lights. Take that, darn christians!
@Steve DeGroof: My daughter was born on perihelion day. There are few things cuter than a 5 yo girl with 2 missing front teeth saying “perihelion”.
@AndrÃ©s Diplotti: Dude, the government is in on it! http://www.noradsanta.org/en/home.html
I came to this site out of curiosity to learn something about the new administrative director for JREF. What skeptical work has AB Kovacs has been involved in? Thanks.
@Advocate: Hi there, and welcome to Skepchick! A is a huge help around these parts, editing the new Skepchick podcasts and handling the calendars, as well as helping organize events and meet-ups. She also was a big help during the filming of the Skeptologists’ pilot. The woman is an energetic queen of logistics!
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