Skepchick reader “NotReallyAlice” has come through with top secret photos from inside the CERN research center, where about four hours ago scientists successfully fired up the Large Hadron Collider.
Of course, it’s a joke — there just isn’t any danger of a black hole destroying the earth. More pics after the jump!
CMS stands for Compact Muon Solenoid, which as you know was Punky Brewster’s real name. It’s one of the four big experiments happening with the LHC, and is located in an underground cavern near Geneva. (The machine, not Punky Brewster. I’m not sure where she is at the moment.)
It’s called the CMS because it’s compact (which should not be mistaken for small, because the thing is honking), it’s optimized for studying muons (one of the sixteen elementary particles), and it has a magnet (known as a solenoid, because it’s a wire wrapped around a hunk of metal).
FYI, billions of particles will be unused. Right now, only one beam of particles is going, but once they fire up the other one and start smashing those babies into each other, they hope to see about 20 collisions among 200 billion particles. Thank goodness they’re recycling.
Find out more about the experiment and see cool pictures of the actual machinery on CERN’s web site. Also, because we live in the age of YouTube, you should head over there and search for the videos coming from the researchers on the experiment. Here’s one showing the successful launch of the LHC this morning:
Big thanks to NotReallyAlice and her truly awesome friend.
I guess we’re all still here.
@writerdd:
…. or are we?
Seeing how we haven’t been spaghetified yet, I’m really looking forward for the first experimental results.
My prediction: The Higgs boson will be detected and found to actually be “God’s particle”, so it will be given the name of theon. Its antiparticle, the atheon, will also be found.
When a theon and an atheon collide, the result is a lot of heat, but no light.
And, if the collision is energetic enough, a new particle is created: the agnosticon, which is composed of an anti-charm quark and a new flavor, the smug quark.
@writerdd: I don’t think they are doing any collisions yet. There is hope for the doomsayers yet!
BREAKING NEWS! Scientists at CERN report that Posh Spice got a new haircut. Press conference coming later today.
@Rebecca: This was caused by the collider? Maybe the end of the world is coming after all!
Hurray, I survived another doomsday. I have survived so many that I now laugh at doomsday.
Doomsday “I am here to deystroy the world! Fear me!!”
Me “Ha hahahahah”
@Gabrielbrawley: Really, doomsdays are so common that we should include them in the calendar:
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Doomsday.
No end of the world? Damn, and I maxed out my credit cards assuming I would never have to pay them off!
Andres,
I thinik I would perfer to start the week that way the rest of the week would look better.
Doomsday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thrusday, Friday, Saturday.
And it would be a nice present to the fundies, they sit around talking about doomsday on the first of the week anyway.
“…Compact Muon Solenoid, which as you know was Punky Brewster’s real name.”
Thanks. Now there is coffee on my computer screen…
Well, bummer, flickr is blocked at work!
@Andrés Diplotti: COTW!!! COTW!!!
As a former/still(?) agnostic, I laughed my ass off at that comment. That is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a LONG time! Well done, sir!
The smug quark? Hilarious!
watching that short video made me tingly all over.
is it odd that particle physics has that effect on me?
@greenishblu: Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week! Unless the LHC destroys the planet.
I look forward to the day when we can identify each partical, mark them, and of course take bets on which one survives the longest. Let’s face it, we’ve got to find a way to exploit this technology for financial gain.
I’m just saying
@SteveT: Thank you, sir. Your appreciation is entirely welcome.
I do sometimes wonder if scientists consider all the possible downsides of their experiments before they perform them.
If you were to successfully create a man made black hole that sucked the universe into oblivion no one would be around to hear what would undoubtedly be the coolest sound ever created.
@jabell2r: First just as an FYI, CERN did commission a study looking into the possibility that an earth-swallowing black hole could be formed by LHC. So at least in this case the answer is yes, the scientists did consider all the possible downsides.
Second, I like to think it would sound like “FWOOOOOMP” but I admit I’m not sure how close I am. Can any astrophysicists here weigh in on this?
@jabell2r: sounds like philosophy to me,
“If a black hole is created 300 feet underground and nobody is left to hear it, does it make a sound?”
Light kicks sound’s ass, and blackholes can suck light, so obviously they can suck sound too! Duh!
Isn’t the button that ends the world supposed to be red, and not the button that saves it? I think it should be blue. Or maybe green. The styrofoam construction and dymo labels are a sad reflection of the lack of funding in science today.
On a more serious note, can sound propagate through an infinitely small, infinitely massive point? Is the event horizon dense enough to propagate sound? Does the smug quark taste like grapeade or Tang? The world wants to know!
@Rebecca:
Seems to me that whatever sound there would be would be spaghettified to infinity, so “FWOOOOOOMP” would become “FFWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM…”
Whats the point of destroying the planet if you can’t watch it on youtube?
Wait unless someone else is watching us on youtube.
Now my head hurts, I suck at philosophy.
I’m not an astrophysicist, but I have been interested in this stuff for a while. Even if a micro black hole is created it should evaporate, if the Hawking radiation theory is correct. Under most situations, a micro black hole will have a net loss of mass through emission of Hawking radiation. I don’t know off-hand how big a black hole has to be and how much mass density in its vicinity there would have to be for it to continue growing. The smaller the black hole, then the faster it will evaporate, since the smaller it is, the higher the proportion of the surface area is to the mass or equivalently volume of the black hole. I assume that the experimenters have already worked this out. Also in the beam paths and in the collision area at CERN, it should also be a fairly good vacuum area, since they don’t want the particles that they are accelerating to collide with any stray mass.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawking_radiation
http://physics.about.com/od/astronomy/f/hawkrad.htm
I wonder how much time it would take such a theoretical black hole to suck up the entire earth.
My guess is it wouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes before the earth’s core was entirely gone and the crust would start caving in. In the mean time, the rest of us might experience weird gravitational changes as the black hole swings around inside the earth, devouring parts of the mantle and core and gaining more mass …
Ruuuuuunnnnnn yyyyooooou foooooooooooooools….
I agree with Kimbo,
My left arm just got longer
No wait now it’s my right arm
No wait now………………………………….
I’ve got a soundtrack for today that I’m using as background music in my classroom.
Don’t Change by INXS
Elephant Bones by That Handsome Devil
Galaxy Song by Monty Python
I Melt With You by Modern English
It’s the end of the world . . . by REM
Nothing is Permanent by Brave Combo
Particle Man by They Might Be Giants
Que Sera Sera by Pink Martini
Time Has Come Today by The Chambers Brothers
Time Waits For No One by Ambrosia
Timestretch by Jellyheads
Anyone have any other suggestions?
@MathMike: Supermassive Black Hole by Muse!
@MathMike: Great idea! How about Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden?
@Rebecca:
I did a forceful hand to the forehead over forgetting that one!
@notreallyalice:
I’ll have to find that one!
Thanks to both of you!
@MathMike: Cher’s If I Could Turn Back Time!
@MathMike: You gotta have Time Warp from Rocky Horror.
Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time, for a nice little reincarnationist spin.
Actually, I’m going with a slight modification of the Douglas Adams theory:
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
I think they did suck the entire universe into a black hole earlier today, but the black hole didn’t want it. (I mean, how would you feel if YOU ate several geriatric rock groups for breakfast, topped off with a bunch of star systems, China, and Kevin Federline’s boxer shorts?) So here we all are again, and it happened so fast we can’t even blog about it.
Prove me wrong, suckers.
@ greenishblu #23
“Seems to me that whatever sound there would be would be spaghettified to infinity…”
RAmen!
“El Paso”, by Marty Robbins.
“We’re gonna hold on” – George Jones & Tammy Wynette
I mean, the world is over. Country should rule. Right?
This whole thread is fabulous.
@MathMike:
Simon/Garfunkel: Sound of Silence or Slip Sliding Away
Jerry Garcia Band: Sitting In Limbo
Widespread Panic: Boom Boom Boom
Medeski, Martin & Wood: End of the World Party (Just In Case)
The Doors: The End
DMB: When The World Ends
Dar Williams: The World’s Not Falling Apart
& for all the CERN doubters: Weird Al’s Dare To Be Stupid
@Rebecca:
I don’t know what sound it would make, but I do predict that the information and anti-information content of Earth will nearly cancel out. This will leave Black-Hole-Earth’s parting message to the universe (via Hawking radiation) a giant belch.
Woohoo for TMBG and Particle Man!
And we have to add “Star Trekking (Across the Universe)”, even if for no other reason than that it will let us shout “It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it!” while we go flying into the black hole together.
I think this is the best site I’ve seen on LHC.
http://www.hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/
@MathMike: OH OH, and:
Super Furry Animals: It’s Not the End of the World
@astro_boy: That is somehow very appropriate.
@Gabrielbrawley: Me too, that’s why I linked to it in the post! :P
oops, I guess I should have checked where that link led.
So does this mean we can start shopping for a TARDIS now?
To an observer on Earth, I bet the sound of the Black Hole Earth (sweet potential band name, by the way) would be nothing but silence.
The entirety of ELO’s album “Time”.
Is there an anti-keys particle? Will a quantum black hole eat keys? I can’t find my keys ever since they turned that damned LHC on.
Have they no humanity?
“Gravity Rides Everything” and “Dark Center of the Universe” by Modest Mouse, although the latter is inapropriate for the classroom.
I don’t know what the sound of a black hole would be, but I do know what we’d hear:
“So long and thanks for all the fish.”
I’m praying for a black hole.
Spaghettification will only bring me closer to the FSM.
“Supertheory of Supereverything” – Gogol Bordellos
“Modern Day Catastrophists” – Bad Religion
Something a bit Norse:
“Ragnarok” – Týr
“The World Died Screaming” – Tom Waits
I’m saving this thread and the many great suggestions for the day they fire two particles at each other. You all are fantastic!
“Is that all there is?” by Peggy Lee
Another song could be “Anywhere in the universe” by Astronaut Wife.
Can we get an iTunes playlist put together for this?
@killyosaur42: Gogol, can’t believe I forgot that!
@Rebecca: Yeah, well it’s hard for me to forget it as it gets stuck in my head quite frequently, especially because as the LHC has been in the process of getting turned on, I have been reading a book about theoretical physics (Lee Smolin’s The Trouble with Physics) and reading various blogs and news stories that constantly remind me of the song (that and I really like that song).
“E=MC2” – Big Audio Dynamite.
Clearly the LHC did destroy the world at 0915 GMT and we are all now in hell but have failed to notice. Oh the irony.
Loved the quote from German “scientist” & anti-LHC campaigner Otto Rossler:
“Nothing will happen for at least four years,” retired German Otto Rossler told the Mail. “Then someone will spot a light ray coming out of the Indian Ocean during the night and no one will be able to explain it.”
Four years and counting people. You have been warned.
@Andrés Diplotti:
Oh, this SO has to be considered for COTW! That was a riot!
~Wordplayer
@Andrés Diplotti: lol
OK, that’s twice today that Andrés Diplotti has made me laugh — smug quarks, and the H2G2 reference.
And did anybody else get JUST the first line from that song from the movie stuck from their head? “So long and thanks for all the fish” … and then the songwriter gave up. If the whole thing had been that catchy, it would have rivalled “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” for Earworm of the Millenium award. (I was going to say Earworm of the Century thing, but I guess Monty Python is pretty much last century, thankyousomuch Graham Chapman for dying.)
I never knew Punky Brewster had such magical subatomic powers!
Hooray!
ZoidbergAndrés is popular!@Improbable Bee: I’ve been humming that song since I posted my comment, and I haven’t even seen the full movie.
@Rebecca:
Cher? That would mean I would hear the song three or four times in one day. I just can’t do it! :-)
And we have to add “Star Trekking (Across the Universe)â€, even if for no other reason than that it will let us shout “It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it!†while we go flying into the black hole together.
@Improbable Bee: There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape ’em off Jim!
For those of you who haven’t yet seen it, here’s the true story about the LHC:
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt1Yo610lG0&feature=related
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=C7EeXTp23Ok
And, on a serious note, here’s the fantastic BBC documentary, The Big Bang Machine, with your rock star host, Brian Cox:
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHs7hu9hgKc
Maybe this is what will happen?
Then again, since both Gordon Freeman and The G-Man have been spotted there…
Who knows? :P
Why do I have the nagging feeling that we have not heard the last from the black hole fearing psychos?
Awwww dangit,
http://www.cyriak.co.uk/lhc/lhc-webcams.html
@Tina
I think the black hole will make us all closer.
Indian girl commits suicide over ‘Big Bang’ fear *sigh* :(
@enochthered: Thanks for the funny links! I’m still giggling at the deadpan delivery of “the scientists — Freemasons — same thing.”
@Augustus:
I certainly hope we have all bathed.
Great scoop story from inside CERN. Well, I always thought they do something really strange there…
In my personal opinion I would prefer to be “spaghettified” by a strangelet, rather than a micro black hole. You know, sounds cooler to be totally transformed into “strange matter”. Of course, some say, that most people on earth did transform to it already.
At least it is nice to see, that some people find their fun in constructing such an incredible machine, rather than spending their time in worshipping some god. It will get unnoticed of course, that these people at CERN do more for the advancement of mankind than any pope could do.
Andrés Diplotti wins this thread hands down with theons, atheons, and agnosticons!
How Come the Sun by Tom Paxton (also sung by Mary Hopkin)
Only Skepchick would have a “We’re all going to die in a black hole” party… It’s part of why I love you all so much!
I went as the Large Hadron Collider for a Halloween party last Saturday, and I shamelessly swiped a lot of the details from NotReallyAlice’s joke.
http://planettom.livejournal.com/235156.html
Note the black hole forming on the back of the costume.
Incidentally, for those who were at DragonCon, I enjoyed the Skeptics Track!
That’s great, plannettom! I was actually just looking at your costume via a link on Facebook. Superb job. Post the link in the contest thread for a chance to WIN! FREE! CANDY!
http://skepchick.org/blog/?p=3891