Caution: Contents are HOTTTTTTTT

You know how you go into Starbucks in the morning, pre-caffeinated and still groggy enough to believe $5 for coffee is reasonable without ever feeling the overwhelming urge to rape and sodomize every breathing being between the barista and your Prius? Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s all about to change.

For the next “several weeks” Starbucks cups are donning the explicit pornographic heaving breasts of the double tailed mermaid in their logo. But worse than the breasts is the split between the tails is also visible on the cups and is clearly suggestive of a prostitute spreading her legs.

So naturally, the next step is for the Christian group The Resistance to boycott Starbucks… for making them look at the vulgar crotch of a mermaid.

(Pornographic image after the fold)

The Resistance, a US-based Christian group, has called for a national boycott of the coffee-selling giant.

It says the chain’s new logo has a naked woman on it with her legs “spread like a prostitute… The company might as well call themselves Slutbucks”.

(“Slutbucks”? That’s the best you could do? I would at least have gone with StarbuXXX.)

I guess the good news is that the cups are already being used and so far very few people have gone on mermaid fucking rampages after ordering a Triple Venti Nonfat Mocha.

Starbucks is defending their use of image saying

the image – based on a 16th century Norse design of a mermaid with two-tails – is not inappropriate.

In fact, Starbucks owner Howard Schultz describes the logo as “Reubenesque” and “seductive” like their coffee.

Mr Schultz, you apparently do not understand that a coffee shop is no place to be seducing good Christians with fishboobs!

Does this seem all too reminiscent of Troy McClure and A Fish Called Selma?

Just be wary of anyone drinking coffee at the Shedd Aquarium.


Elyse MoFo Anders is the bad ass behind forming the Women Thinking, inc and the superhero who launched the Hug Me! I'm Vaccinated campaign as well as podcaster emeritus, writer, slacktivist extraordinaire, cancer survivor and sometimes runs marathons for charity. You probably think she's awesome so you follow her on twitter.

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  1. What? Is this a joke? Slutbucks? Spread like a prostitute? What prositute spreads her legs? I thought it was all about blow jobs these days. When I look at the hookers through my office window the turn around time doesn’t allow for leg spreading. I haven’t been to Starbucks in like two years because I get free coffee at work but I am going to go tomorrow. I think I will bring the cup back and see if the hot mermaid can help me get a happy ending to start the day.

  2. Fundies have such dirty minds! I never would have thought of that mermaid’s fins being “spread like a prostitute.”


  3. Uh…so fundies are turned on by a fish “spreading its fins”?

    I don’t know what is more icky – that they are turned on by fish like some bad Hentai film, or that they think others share this kink as well.

    Better keep them far away from rivers during salmon spawning season. Not only do the fish ‘spread their fins’, they also engage in promiscious sex, and they are not even married!

  4. @Lyc:

    You know, I just thought about the fishing trip my father and husband went on a couple of weeks ago… during spawning season. My husband said that every time they reeled in a male fish, they ended up on the “paid” end of a money shot (if you know what i mean).

  5. @Elyse

    Oh dear…I do know what you mean (cue Pyton – nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more ;) *.

    But in the context of the article it brought an unpleasant thought to mind. If this fish-girl logo turns people on (including the employees I guess)…I think I avoid “coffee with cream” for a while….

  6. “I guess the good news is that the cups are already being used and so far very few people have gone on mermaid fucking rampages after ordering a Triple Venti Nonfat Mocha.”

    Yeah, but if they show too much scale, they’ll just be asking for it.

  7. Am I the only one who thought of Idiocracy, set in a future where everyone is stupid and Starbucks is a brothel chain?

  8. We have a completely different problem with the Starbucks mermaid here in Seattle of all places. Starbucks is asking our beloved roller derby league (Rat City Rollergirls) to change their logo.

    They say it infringes on the look of the Starbucks logo, which we now know is hybrid human/fish-porn image. You can read about the whole sordid affair on my blog:
    There’s a link to a story and image of both logos.

  9. Yeah, but didn’t StarBucks also try to sue a different coffee shop for having a similar name when the other one was around first? I seem to recall that, anyway. Stupid sue-happy people.

  10. What I recall from a gradeschool fieldtrip to …some museum is that Starbucks’ original logo was actually of a mermaid with bare breasts…and that it caused a boatload of controversy, so voila a new logo with no “improper nudity”.
    Plus I’ve heard that Starbucks has a new head honcho that wants to bring the company “back to its roots”….hence also the Pike Place Roast?

    But then again, Seattleites love to be offended. In my experience, anyway :)

  11. Dang – roller derby in Starbucks would improve it considerably. Maybe it could be like an old drive-in, and the baristas would all be on roller skates and fight to see who can bring you your latte the fastest.

  12. This mermaid “prostitute” business isn’t all that surprising given that the Christian symbol is a Jesus FISH. If they’ll turn Jesus into a fish, what won’t they hump for a good prayin’?

  13. I personally like the new logo. I am also thrilled that they rolled out their pike place blend, it is the only drip coffee they serve that does not taste burned IMHO.

    In summary, hooray for fish boobs and sensible roasting practices.

  14. I think this is some sort of wind-up. After all, there is no such thing as bad publicity.

    Especially as my local starbucks has half a dozen poster-art reprints of pre-raphaelite nudes and a copy les damoiselles d’avignon on its walls, is next door to a cathedral (and always full of assorted clergy) and has had no complaints.

  15. So Dunkin Donuts support terrorism, and Starbucks supports fish-hooker* prostitution. I’m waiting with bated breath to find out of Tim Horton was a pedophile.

    of course, pedophilia is a vice the fundies can get behind.

    *There’s a pun in there, but I don’t have time to think it out. I’ll pass that on to someone with more leisure.

  16. Indeed the symbol of the twin-tailed mermaid is more old than that.
    In Italy we have a large number of churches, built around the 10th century, that display a lot of capitals with monsters, beasts and, yes, mermaids with two tails. (See a pair of links down there)
    It is possible that this symbol could be in some regards seen as negative (i. e. related with luxury), but describing it as a prostitute with spread legs is simply ludicrous!
    Those people can’t even understand the basic roots of christian culture.
    They ignore the fundamentals.

  17. Oh there are so many more valid reasons to protest Starbucks.

    And hello “StarFucks” “slutbucks” sounds like some promotional currencey you use to pay for a rub and tug in Vegas.

  18. Starbutts. Starbangxxx. There’s so many you could feasibly go with.

    Plus the mermaid titty/spread leg thing is just WAY too vague for me to take seriously. Like Bill Hicks once said, “Anyone that far to the right is hiding a deep dark secret.”

    And doesn’t the church have a nice hot-n-heavy history of nudity? Like, maybe, Adam and Eve (not that they were real people, but still – you can see Eve’s boobs quite clearly).

  19. Jee-zus Fish-Fucking Christ! I’d keep a close eye on these wackaloons at the fish counter in the local market. Who knows what they get up to with the yellowfin?!

  20. It’s not a new logo at Starbucks. It’s a return to their old /original logo. I have two mugs that are over twenty years old and they have the original boobie mermaid. I’m personally glad she’s back.

  21. Most pathetic boycott ever.

    This Starbucks logo is all part of the great machine to get people to imbibe caffeine, which is against God. Says so in the Bible. If, y’know, you read it upside down and backwards while on crack.

    Starbucks apparently has more spine than Dunkin’ Donuts, and the boycott is as likely to affect sales of their coffee as caffeinated fish spawning nakedly (OMFG! Now with 100% More Naked!) in Alaskan rivers.

  22. The mermaid fucking rampage line just made Elyse my favorite Skepchick. The Simpsons reference didn’t hurt either. =)

  23. I prefer to wait untill after I’ve had coffee to rape and sodomize. Pre-caffeine I can’t tell an ass from a hole in the ground and that can just get embarrassing.

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