Afternoon Inquisition

Afternoon Inquisition 2.2.09

It breaks my heart to bid you all farewell, but January is over and you must turn the page. Hopefully you will find Teek’s February semi-nudity to be as fulilling as mine was last month. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you don’t have a calendar and are totally missing out on some really hot skeptics. You might also not know that we’re in February, but we are.)

But as wonderful as Teek is, I’m missing you all terribly. Why don’t you cheer me up this afternoon? Given that Darwin’s birthday is coming this month, why don’t we go with a snarky young earth creation theme today?

What is the most ridiculous thing that ever existed on Earth? What was God’s purpose for that thing? Remember that creativity and hilariousness count.

Elyse

Elyse MoFo Anders is the bad ass behind forming the Women Thinking, inc and the superhero who launched the Hug Me! I'm Vaccinated campaign as well as podcaster emeritus, writer, slacktivist extraordinaire, cancer survivor and sometimes runs marathons for charity. You probably think she's awesome so you follow her on twitter.

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48 Comments

  1. The fanggina. This was a relativly short lived primate. The females of the species had razor sharp fangs in their vaginas. Hence their name. The creatures died out after just a few generations as the male members took up masturbation instead of mutilation. God did it just for the laughs.

  2. Creationists, definitely. God, being a sentimental being who is deeply offended by others not worshipping him, created his own set of fanatic idiots who would follow him no matter what to the end of the world. Then, once they achieved their purpose in the additional billion of years in which higher order of mammals could exist on Earth until the sun gets too hot, he sends them all to hell.

  3. Susan Lucci’s Malibu Pilates TV show. Created by a very vengeful God to punish the Daytime Emmy Voting Committee for the years of shutting out La Lucch for Best Actress. Unfortunately, the rest of us must endure his wrath.

    Elyse we are missing you and Sid too! But it is fun to oogle Tracy and Ben.

  4. Extremophiles.

    Far from the nutrient and life giving sulfur vents that are our home, God has in his infinite wisdom created a menagerie of lifeforms that exist in conditions we can’t fathom. The atmosphere is so thin that it actually exists in a gaseous form. Temperatures range from a shriveling -40 F to an almost comfortable (by our standards) 120 F.

    Somehow, even on the edge of the most extreme conditions our planet can produce, life finds a way.

  5. There are few things more ridiculous than humans. A bunch of mammals tottering around on their hind legs, wrapped in cloth because their fur fell out, cooking their food because their fangs aren’t sharp enough, habitually fighting each other over “moral principles”, and all the time bragging about how they’re the dominant species. Ha! Just wait until the robots take over. (looks at watch)

  6. Octopussies – for us 4 legged people to wonder what sex would be like with that many appendiges writhing around. How long would it take to unravel afterwards? Would you have to add counting your tentacles to getting the knots out of your hair? How about the marks those suckers would leave….

  7. The most ridiculous thing on Earth is God. An imaginary deity that is so petulant, arbitrary and contradictory in its pronouncements is clearly less ridiculous than an ACTUAL deity that exhibits those traits. Therefore, to be the most ridiculous thing ever, God must exist.

    (I call this the reverse ontological argument.)

  8. I think we can all agree that the most ridiculous thing ever is the Snuggie. I can’t pretend to fathom God’s purpose for the Snuggie, other than that it must get awfully lonely in heaven, what with all of the awesome people going to hell all the time, so even the Big Guy needs a laugh every now and then.

    Or, if not the Snuggie, then perhaps Yahoo Answers.

  9. Ah, but a being that is both omniscient and omnipotent is capable of foreseeing every event and preventing or altering each with little or no effort. Choosing not to prevent an event is approval by default. Therefore, such a being is ultimately responsible for every atrocity in the universe, including Donald Trump’s hair.

  10. There’s a dermal parasite (possibly sexually transmitted) that crawls under the skin. It has hooked horns which point the wrong way, which it has to drag through the skin like anchors.

    My doctor says I’m through the worst of it, though.

  11. The Kiwi. God needed something in nature to look like a tree full of scrotums….hairy, sweaty scrotums that make people feel uncomfortable. The idea was that if he could disquise their tangy interior with a skin that looks like the chin of “that guy” you knew in grade 9 who tried to grow a chin-beard before puberty would let him, then he could train people to like oral sex.

    Cause you know, God has got to get some of that poon-flavored tang.

  12. Youtube (and it’s ilk) is the most ridiculous thing every created. Now, instead of going and doing stupid things, you can watch other people doing stupid things.

    The Divine Potato put it there gather all of humanity’s stupidity into one spot.

  13. The notion that a being capable of creating a vast universe billions of ly across, with gazillions of stars and god knows how many life forms could possible give a royal rats ass about my puny little existence.

  14. If there is a God, I know he has a sense of humor because on my 40th birthday, he flipped his majik switch whereupon all the hair on my head drifted down through my skull and now comes out twice as thick from my ears and nose…leaving my head to look like a que ball. He might think it’s funny, my friends and family think it’s a hoot, but I’m pissed as hell, thank you very much.

  15. How about tabloid Paparazzi fellas?

    Guys whose lives are spent lying on their back in the gutter waiting for a moronesse in a short skirt to get out of a limo so they can take photos of her knickers (at best), just so they can then put them in a newspaper with suitably derogatory and pun-tastic headlines. Or hang around beaches with lenses the length of which would make the Hubble feel inadequate in order to catch some celeb type from the right angle so they actually look – shock horror – as human as the rest of us, which needs to then be plastered in every glossy magazine with zooms and arrows highlighting the flaws.

    Why would God do this? To promote the notion that if you’re human and somehow not flawless then you’re not worth anything… which is pretty much his usual MO.

    Alternatively – most ridiculous thing God has invented: Other Gods/religions?

  16. The most ridiculous thing that has ever existed on this earth is of course my friend hannah. Check this – She’s an Angel Therapist. A professional one. She charges people to give them angel therapy and psychic healing. Despite other people paying for this she still hasn’t cured my diabetes by hovering her hands over where she thinks my pancreas and she has not been able to repair my busted anterior cruciate ligament. I love the girl, she’s really nice but everytime I read her website I laugh my ass off. God’s purpose for all this? You got to laugh at other people haven’t you. For instance Uri Gellar whilst we all criticise him, is clearly a legend. I love seeing him on he telly because he’s clearly as crazy as a fruitcake with chicken in it. If everyone was as supremely sceptical as us then the fun would all be over.

    Oh yeah, just for my knowledge, what the f**k is an angel therapist? I’m too embarrassed to ask hannah.

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