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At the end of each year I like to offer my psychic predictions for the coming year. As a reminder, I do not think psychic powers exist even though I know that if they did exist I would definitely have them. “Psychics” who charge you money for their wisdom are actually just scam artists doing a magic trick. This is the trick: you make general, vague statements that can be twisted to always be right, you “predict” things that are statistically likely to happen anyway, and you throw in a few specific unlikely-to-happen predictions on the off-chance that one hits. If it happens, everyone will remember it and you will look awesome. If it doesn’t happen, everyone will just forget about it.
So before I get to 2019, as usual I first want to look back on my predictions I made for 2018. First, I predicted that a major world leader would die. Of course, just last month George H. W. Bush died. Huge hit!
I also said that I saw news of a meteor interacting with the Earth — in fact, back in July a meteor struck Greenland (just 27 miles from a US Air Force base) with the force of 2.1 kilotons! Another huge hit, and this time I mean that literally.
I saw a “miraculous story of a dog…rescuing people, possibly from a fire.” Sure enough, just this month in Kansas a dog named Buster jumped on his sleeping owner, barking until she woke up to find that her house was on fire. She was able to get out safely with her daughter. Good job, Buster, and good job me for psychically foreseeing this event.
I then said that I saw Chris Pratt getting not just a new film role but a big franchise. You guys, I nailed it. Universal Pictures announced that they had cast him in Cowboy Ninja Viking, a movie based on a graphic novel that they hoped would turn into a successful franchise.
So there you have it, I’m psychic! You’d be forgiven for thinking that if you only went by what I just told you, but what I just told you was what a person pretending to be a psychic would tell you. Now I’m going to tell you what they wouldn’t tell you.
Yes, I predicted the death of a world leader, but I also said it would be sudden, unexpected, and possibly due to assassination or heart trouble. None of those things apply to H.W.
I said a meteor or asteroid would interact with the Earth but I didn’t mention that that happens approximately once every two weeks.
I said a dog would rescue people from a fire but I also said it could have been a cat instead of a dog or a tsunami or other natural disaster instead of a fire. Lots of options, and this shit happens all the time. Seriously, get a pet. They will wake you up in the middle of the night all the time over stupid shit, but maybe one of those times your house will happen to be on fire.
I said Chris Pratt would get a film franchise but after looking into it they actually announced that back in 2017 before I even made that video. (I didn’t know.) And back in August of 2018 they announced that the film is on hold indefinitely, which is pretty good because apparently it’s about a guy with multiple personalities and we really don’t need more of that bullshit in films.
Also, I didn’t mention any of the celebrity deaths I predicted, because I got them all wrong. I’m happy to say that Tony Bennett, Maggie Smith, and Jeff Goldblum are all still alive. I’m sad to say that Charlie Sheen and Rob Schneider are also still alive. Ah well.
OK, on to my predictions for 2019!
First up I see a huge scientific breakthrough regarding a major cause of death, like heart disease or cancer.
I also foresee trouble for a major world leader — possibly a sitting President being charged with major crimes. Man, that would be NUTS.
The biggest news for 2019 is that humanity will finally find direct evidence of alien life. So that will be quite exciting.
On the bad news side, I do think we’re going to see a very bad hurricane in the southeast US, as well as a volcano erupting at the same time.
On to some celebrity deaths: Rob Schneider (I’ll just keep saying it until it’s true), Jimmy Carter (sorry), Kirk Douglas, Clint Eastwood, and Kenny Rogers. Also, a young actress in her 20s will die unexpectedly, probably in the summertime.
OK, that’s it for 2018! As usual I’ll check back in at the end of 2019 to see how I did. Let’s hope it’s a better year, at least.