AI: Zombie Passivism Death Match

I’m on my way to Wisconsin. Tonight I’ll be drunk under the stars with Pamela Gay and a bunch of other skeptics.

On our way to my parents’ house to drop off the kids, I learned that today is International Day of Nonviolence or some shit.

This made me wonder:

Who would win in a zombie knife fight: Mother Teresa or Ghandi?


Elyse MoFo Anders is the bad ass behind forming the Women Thinking, inc and the superhero who launched the Hug Me! I'm Vaccinated campaign as well as podcaster emeritus, writer, slacktivist extraordinaire, cancer survivor and sometimes runs marathons for charity. You probably think she's awesome so you follow her on twitter.

Related Articles


  1. This one’s easy. Mother Teresa wins in a route. She admittedly liked to be in the presence of suffering people, and her greatest joy was to watch people die. If there’s a better description of someone I wouldn’t like to fight, I don’t know what it is.

  2. In life Mother Teresa wins easily. Gandhi had a prinicipled belief in non violence so strong he nearly starved himself to death. Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu had a belief in the importance of suffering that was so strong she let others die needlessly in pain and then sought the highest quality care for herself that other peoples money could buy.

    If they are both mindless zombies though Gandhi would win after all he did have a moustache. Everyone knows that moustaches give zombies super-powers (see Rob Zombie).

  3. I believe this, as in most fights, would come down to size and “reach”.

    While the Abess’ studier frame and low center of gravity would allow her to absorb more punishment, the Mahatma’s reach and footwork clearly give him the advantage.

    Their differing fighting styles typified by Sonny Listen and Ali, where Ali’s looser more fluid style and better footwork paid dividends.

    So I’m plumbing for Ghandi.

  4. Anyone remember who survived longer, the wax-droid Gandhi or the wax-droid Mother Teresa in the Red Dwarf ep? I think I remember MT storming a machine gun nest with a Browning M1919 on her hip near the end, just after Gandhi trod on a mine, meaning MT either has a stronger survival instinct or is luckier. Either way, my money’s on her.

  5. Gotta be the old MT,
    For Gandhi be,
    More decomposed than she.

    She has the head start,
    As he’s more fallen apart,
    And time has made his moustache depart.

  6. Hey, I’M in Wisconsin. I’ll be the one waving as you drive by. Look to your right.

    I think a zombie knife would make a pretty lousy weapon in a Holier-Than-Thou fight. It would be like trying to stab someone with a piece of raw liver.

  7. The knife is a red herring, since neither would use them. Ghandi’s weapon of choice has always been the hunger strike. Mother Theresa on the other hand, can sustain herself on the cinnamon rolls in her likeness, so she will hold out the longest. And when Ghandi dies, she will eat his Braaains!

  8. How fitting that I just finished listening to the audio version of “World War Z”, which I highly recommend.
    Apart from the general awesomeness of the story, Star Wars fans get an additional treat: Mark Hamill gives a great voice performance as a Zombie Apocalypse combat veteran, and swears like a sailor about every ten seconds.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Back to top button