This is it, folks, the last item in the Skepchick Virtual Bake Sale to fund my trip to Atlanta in September for DragonCon and the Atlanta Skeptics’ Star Party. And it’s a doozy.
I was inspired by witches flogging their services on eBay, offering nicer asses and love potions. I figured I can do that! So I will.
The winning bidder will get the body modification of his/her choice, assuming that the Wiccans are correct and these magical spells really work. I’ll record a video of myself performing your spell so you know I’ve followed through.
Also I made a video about it:
I get paid tomorrow, then I’m so fucking there. Six pack abs? Pah! I’m getting a 10 pack! Maybe even 20! No one has 20-pack abs! The chicks’ll be all over me!
Do I really want to publicise my bodily inadequacies in this manner, and pay for the privilege? Am I no better than the reality-TV and talk show participants who’re willing to do anything to be “famous”?
Hell yes/no. I’m gonna ask for great abs, and then I’ll have the perfect excuse not to do any sit-ups or exercise my abs in other ways since doing so would contaminate the experimental results.
Okay, someone explain to me why there magically appears a previous bid beating mine when I bid on stuff. It’s like eBay’s taunting me to bid higher…
How do we know you are a witch? Are you made of wood? Do you weigh the same as a DUCK?!
@bjornar It’s because the amount you enter on ebay is the MAXIMUM amount a person is willing to bid. If the person who bid before you has a higher amount as their max, ebay will put in their bid for them when you bid.
Basically this prevents sniping – it means that you should NOT enter an amount that is lower than you are actually willing to pay, because if you enter your actual highest bid ebay will just keep bidding for you until someone else’s maximum is higher than yours.
I often bid for items where the max I list is much higher than what I actually pay.
In case my explanation is not helpful, the page where ebay explains this is here: http://pages.ebay.com/help/buy/automatic-bidding.html
now you live in the UK, you might want to check the usage of the phrase ‘followed through’.
Not something I’d like to watch on a video, thanks.
I saw flogging and whatnot and assumed…ah, forget it.
@devianttouch: So it _is_ a devious trick to make me pay more!
I don’t have a six-pack, I have a growler.
@bjornar No, it’s a good way of protecting you from getting sniped!
@devianttouch: Sure. By paying more.
Hmm, if I wish for a pair of boobs, do they come with a girl attached?
Oh, you meant “physical” inadequacies. Dang … :(
I could go for enhanced hair – always perfect curls, no drying out in the desert summer, no split ends, low maintenance. Is that one spell or 4? At least it’s already long and beautiful :)
Ass improvement spell:
Steel bar; iron plates;
deep squats; triple sets;
Heavy weight; low reps;
Go to failure.
Repeat weekly, forever;
Warning…walking will be difficult a couple days later.
Hey if I’m getting body mods, let’s make it interesting! I want wings! I’ll settle for a tail, though.
@Glow-Orb: prehensile, for running stability like a T Rex, swatting flies or for display purposes only?
I thought of a great out the ebay witch could use when her buyers realize her spells don’t work. All she has to do is tell them her spells are meant to be used as an accompaniment to plastic surgery and or working out.
@Glow-Orb: Yes! God, I want wings and a tail so bad. When they start selling alterations like that I’m going to be the 100th one on that list. (Give them plenty of time to work out the kinks.)
Oooh, if we’re doing body mods instead of mere enhancement I want horns, and retractable claws. And fangs, and a prehensile tail and…