Jesus is a Friend of Mine

This video was sent to me by Andy, a Christian who fully realizes that sometimes, theists are only too happy to make themselves look as stupid as possible:

Andy sent me a link to this page, where other Christians mock the video. Before you start to feel hope for theists, note that elsewhere on the same site they don’t see anything mockable about the belief that god made gay penguins and then damned them to hell for all eternity, since they read it once in a book written several centuries ago by men, then cobbled together by other men who picked and chose what they liked. No, they’d rather mock a new man who picked and chose what he liked out of the Bible in order to come to the conclusion that homosexuality isn’t wrong. Here’s your stone . . . there’s the glass house . . . get it! Get it!

Rebecca Watson

Rebecca is a writer, speaker, YouTube personality, and unrepentant science nerd. In addition to founding and continuing to run Skepchick, she hosts Quiz-o-Tron, a monthly science-themed quiz show and podcast that pits comedians against nerds. There is an asteroid named in her honor. Twitter @rebeccawatson Mastodon Instagram @actuallyrebeccawatson TikTok @actuallyrebeccawatson YouTube @rebeccawatson BlueSky

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  1. I like it. I can’t stop watching it. The lead singer kind of reminds me of Erik Estrada (maybe it’s the clothes too). Anyway, gotta go – I’m gonna go see if jesus wants to go to the movies with me

  2. Why is it that all the men in these Christian groups look like they are gay and the women look like they are frigid or neutered?
    The only person that seems human is the bald guy with the mustache who seems to be looking at the cleavage of the woman with the glasses.
    And the music is simplistic they are playing the same one chord over and over and over…..
    One more thing, Erik Estrada is gay, I don’t care how many soft porn movies he made with Dona Spier.

  3. I have a new purpose. I am going to sell everything I own and buy a VW minibus so that I can follow this group as they tour the world. I am converted. I have found God. Their poetry is just that good. Hail Xenu!

  4. At about 1:40

    “Once I tried to run, I tried to run and hide, but then he came and found me, and touched me down inside.”

    Billy, show me on the doll where Jesus touched you.

  5. @skepticalhippie: dude you were probably going anyway. You can’t even get into heaven if there’s mildew in your house. It says that right on the page before it says god hates gays. Gotta love leviticus.

  6. I dig that blue shirt/black vest combo, but now I’m gonna have to change when I go out later. I don’t want people to think I copied my style from these guys after all!

  7. So, we had Josquin, Palestrina, Bach, Mozart…and Sonseed. The Xtians are right…evolution is only a theory. Things like this just don’t “happen.”

    Knurl is right. Homeland Security should do something about this before something tragic happens and somebody gets hurt.

  8. The last time I saw a performance this bad, it was merely the opening act for Gene Gene, the Dancing Machine.

  9. Wait, he has a friend IN Jesus? How did his friend get in there? These darn Christians, on one hand they’re anti-gay-penguins, on the other hand they’re discussing their Lord in what sounds like a pretty compromising position…

  10. @Marsh: Well as Groucho Marx used to say

    Outside of Jesus, a book is a man’s best friend. in Jesus it’s too dark to read.

    Or something to that effect.

  11. @ killyosaur42: Hmm, interesting. Do we know where Groucho used to stand on gay penguin issues, or ska?

    And gotta say, I’ve no idea what Jesus’ zapping people is all about. I was raised Catholic and I don’t recall one single zap in the New Testament.

  12. Okay, so not only is Jesus like a master-detective who always gets his man, but he’ll also “zap” you.

    I never knew that Jesus was, for a complete lack of a better word, rather faggy.

    (I fully expect to be yelled at for using that word…Jesus)

  13. as to the zapping, that’s all in the secret books of the Protestant reformation, handed down to Martin Luthor by the Archangel Zebulun (who in life was one of the sons of Jacob). If you make high enough in rank with any given Protestant denomination they revel this sacred wisdom to you and provide tea and biscuits to boot.

  14. Tea and biscuits? Dammit, I turned to the dark side just too soon! Did they bring this tea/biscuit covenant out purely because I’d left the fold?

    Although being all Catholicky maybe we didn’t have tea and biscuits and zapping, we were more concerned with gold statues and altar boys. Go Team Pope!

  15. On a serious note can I just say that I play bass, and to play that bass line and sing at the same time has got to be pretty difficult.

    On a less serious note this looks like a horrific performance from the Lawrence Welk show. I was just expecting to see a brass band and bubbles to pop up in the background.

    Thank you Rebecca, I really needed that today. It warmed me on a below zero Illinois day—warmed me in ways you’ll never know, and probably wouldn’t want to know.

  16. I believe Groucho said, “I like my cigars, too, but I take them out once in awhile.” This probably refers to the “vagina is not a clown car” group.

  17. What makes this especially funny is that it’s a style of music that was really big in the UK in the early 1980’s called “Two-Tone”, the songs were just like this except the theme was usually about hanging out with girls etc

  18. @somethingwitty:
    I actually think it’s a lip-sync job (I’m a musician as well, and I had the same thoughts).

    Here’s what I use to back up my theory:
    1) The backup singers move their heads and chest not nearly enough to account for their volume….some of the singers don’t even move their throats/adams apples at all when they sing a few lines….I call this the Milli-Vanilli approach to singing…it’s where you don’t.

    2) there are no microphones to be seen….while it’s true that today hidden mics, boom mics and lavalieres can get decent quality, not so in the 70’s….the quality of the audio was simply too good to account for the lack of visible microphones.

    3) In the wicked-awesome part where the lead singer says “ZAP!”, the bass-line slide is heard at the same time he points his finger at the camera.

    4) The producers of the show would have had to have found a bunch of stand-ins after the original musicians and singers must in the original track committed suicide due to crippling lameness.

  19. After clicking on the video, Jesus is an enemy of mine.

    *Digs out brain with a plastic beach shovel.*

  20. There is only one way to effectively deal with this. Tribute band. Who’s with me? I don’t actually play an instrument so I call back up singer, except I came up with the idea so I’ll also be the front man. Actually I’ll take any position that gets me the most groupies, no? a groupie?, girl @ 1:09? Ahh, who am I kidding, I’d do it for a firm handshake and a smile.

  21. @somecanadianskeptic

    Don’t kill my buzz here man!

    @skepticalhippie: Yes! tribute band, I want to be the guy with the perv stache, who plays guitar. We could even write more original ska-Christian songs.

  22. @killosaur42

    I just like saying ska-Christian.

    P.S.–I just watched it again. Does he really compare Jesus to a mountie? And, I didn’t know mountie’s “Zap” people.

  23. @somethingwitty: It is a fun phrase that, Ska-Christian. Granted, I listen to that song and sort of can’t help but be reminded of the music of Dan Barker. He’s a pretty cool guy, but damn are his songs hilariously cheesy.

  24. @killyosaur42

    When I listen I can’t help but think of Joe Don Baker.

    Sorry, only if you’re a totally nerd, and love Myster Science Theater 3000, you’ll get that joke.

  25. @somethingwitty: Sadly I’m only a near total nerd so I haven’t seen enough MST3K to get the reference (that, and for the longest time I didn’t have cable and it wasn’t airing on any of the channels I had access to so it kind of hindered my ability to do so, now I just don’t have money, or cable for that matter. things sure do come full circle). I did, however watch all of “Edward the Less” and I try to catch other works created by the MST3K crew, when I get the opportunity to.

  26. @killyosaur42

    If you have free time got to youtube and search for MST3K “Mitchell”, it’s such a wonderful experience. I do know they have the whole movie, but I haven’t gotten the time to go back and watch it all again, but I plan to.

  27. Metalheads talk about whether it’s Slayer or Pantera playing on the loudspeakers at the Gates of Hell, but this stuff would be so much more diabolical.

  28. @Detroitus: I think we’re allowed a little artistic license with this. I’ll learn the banjo, you take the tambourine, Rebecca on the keytar, somethingwitty on guitar, killyosaur on bass, all we need is a few dozen more people for drums, trombone, tuba, and slide whistle. In fact let’s see if we can’t get a full orchestra. If the San Francisco Symphony was willing to play with Metallica, then I don’t see why we couldn’t get the Boston Philharmonic.
    Because this is for the Lord’s work, we need something to grab the people. I say we put women in sequin bikinis and men in Borat style swimsuits. Since I’m front man I’ll wear nothing but my banjo and a bowtie. Best Tribute Band Ever

  29. Rebecca, did you ever stop to think that maybe one of your readers might be the music director for a radio station, and might not be able to resist slipping this song into his morning show? And that his boss might get really pissed off at him?

    Well, my boss is out of town, so fuck it. I’m putting it on right after “Highway to Hell”.

  30. @Rebecca:
    And jsuk, I gave full credit for the song to, but I broadcast in a pretty conservative community, so… don’t expect an influx of traffic or anything.

  31. I still cannot get this song out of my freaking head!!! I may request an exorcism at my nearest place of worship, I can’t think of any other way to get rid of it.

    God help us all

  32. All I have in my head is that if we do all form a mass tribute band, we should dedicate the song to someone I know who is a real mover and shaker in the dairy produce.

    Because I have a friend in Cheeses…

    and I’m very very sorry!

  33. Oh my god this is amazing. It’s almost like he used to be on the straight and narrow in an office job or something, but then he discovered hardcore rock ‘n’ roll, undid his waist-coat (vest for you over the pond) then really wanted to piss off Mum and Dad. One shirt button undone wasn’t enough for this guy. Two buttons??? That’s for pussy Slipknot fans. No this guy went all the way to three buttons. Take THAT society!

    That’s some kind of renegade.

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