I like writing crummy jokes, the sort of pun-tastic groaners that tickle your grandma or your seven-year-old nephew.
I’m currently trying to think of a decent punchline forÂ
How do fish communicate?
and thought you folks could help. My best efforts so far are:
By Morse Cod
and
They use the ‘Net!
But I know there’s an ultimate punchline out there and between us we can crack it like a ten-dollar lobster. My buddy submitted ‘Breamail‘ which is not bad, but didn’t make me laugh or groan. Give it your best shot, skepchickers! No Googling for fish jokes please, that’s cheatin’.
The World Wide Wet?
(lame)
By using eel mail.
I know this is not what you’re looking for, but it’s funny because it is true.
Via Aquaman, I believe.
By tele-fin
or
They don’t. They’re fucking fish
Because,
If you laugh I’ll give you a quarter. (Only works on the Seven year old niece/nephew).
rod
They have teleicthy.
By putting classified ads in yesterday’s newspaper.
By smoked singing eels.
By using boy scollop runners.
I do know that fishes consider Amfibian not to be a trust worthy language.
Carrier Pogie?
* They speak Finnish
* They tell tails
Otherwise, find out by boobling.
Fish Latin?
@dahduh – “Finnish” FTW!
Lateralline.
I suppose we know fish DON’T communicate using dry humour …
Very Effishently?
You’d know if you’d paid attention in school, young lady!
– Not very well. They need herring aids.
– Instant bassage
– Shellegram
– Snailmail
Going for the anti-humor angle:
By body posture and, in some species, bio-luminescence.
How do skeptics comunicate?
I don’t know. What experiment could we do to find out?
comâ‹…muâ‹…niâ‹…cate: to partake of the Eucharist
How do fish communicate?
breaded with a bit of red wine and capers?
Y_S_G:
I don’t know, but they get paid scale to do it.
Not meant as a rant (O.K., yes it is), but why do people confuse “joke” and “riddle?” A joke generally takes the form, “Three fish walk into a bar…” and proceeds to a punchline. A riddle starts with a simple question, “How do fish…?” and has a simple (apparently not always) answer.
Please ignore this, but it is a pet peeve of mine.
using a tom brokaw impression for the joke…
“with their shell phones…”
They send an e-scale.
Sea-Mail?
Damp String?
They communicate sub erply.
They don’t, it’s against the rules to talk in school.
Fintastically.
Some of these are awesome. Tele-fin is pretty good, made me groan. The only one to make me actually laugh out loud is PrimevilKneivel so far.
Keep ’em coming, this is classy stuff. What a punny bunch we are.
PS: Old geezer, ignored as requested :D
They send a Post Cod!
(bonus: Boston or British accent)
Shell Phone?
Well, better than I read comments anyway.
I sent this to a friend of mine and she sent back:
iCod
shellmail
scalemail
they’re schooled in communication
sturgeons communicate in hospitals
carp phones
they discuss social morays and eels
but it is considered rude to trout
by pike messenger
on the fly(fish)
sometimes they just cuttle
Gillibly.
They just wave.
They record a Codcast.
My vote goes to tarrkid: “They just wave.”
Brilliant.
@Idlethought:
Aw, cmon. Fish don’t have shell phones. They use sand-lines.
by whistling a catchy tuna, you know, just for the halibut.
~
Finbook
-or-
Fishbook
-or-
myfish
-or-
fishh00
-and-
they post their school pictures on
fisher
They just let it all trout.
Using salty language.
Poorly. (I like off beat jokes)
This’d need a slightly different setup, but I think “gill-trips” would be a nice pun for a fish joke.
Elloquently
The tell gilly jokes
If you’ve smelt them you don’t want to hear from them.
They project their thoughts with rays.
They communicate for the halibut
The can’t talk but their herrings fine.
They sing out of tuna.
Communicate!?! All he wanted to do was grouper.
Well, here goes, just for the halibut:
It can’t be speech, because they’re hard of herring.
They wouldn’t use flipper-phones, because that’s just seal-ly.
Coral music would give them a haddock.
Sea-mail just attracts the bottom-feeders.
They wouldn’t talk in Fin-nish; there’s no porpoise in that.
They’d need a lot of kelp with Angl-ish, and they’d never learn Sand-anavian in school.
In fact, most forms of communication would just make them clam up. They’d just flounder around.
So here’s my guess as to how they communicate:
SOLE MUSIC!
@shanek: My hat’s off to you. That was impressive.
The tell pollock jokes.
@Old Geezer:
I am not sure that people do, but I am pretty sure you are. Have you looked it up? These are jokes not riddles.
They learn in schools.
Here’s a riddle:
No breath, yet living
With no breath they speak
On newspaper without reading
In four days they reek
Unheard is their babble
By motion and light
Though armored for battle
They’re not here to fight
Of what do they talk?
No human could think
They’re dumb as a rock
But schooled in things deep
The answer, of course, is two fish communicating!
@shanek: Stop, you’re krillin’ me!
ichtyPod
They always use ‘current’ technology and pier-to-pier networking!
..By using speach bubbles!
@RoaldFalcon: No breath, yet living
—————
Yeah, but once you say “alive without breath” to a bunch of geeks, they already know the answer.
@sethmanapio: Sushi can’t breath, how can she communicate?
IRSea channels.
Not by bike messenger.
Or————
The surrealist.
And btw… thanks to this thread I’ve got that old Dr. Demento “Fish Heads” song going through my head all day.
Enough! Enough! ROTFLMAO
I’m going under for the third time!
Thread of the week! How can we possibly top this one!?!
@Planetologist – Worse than having “Fish Heads” stuck is the Kip Adotta “tune” called “Wet Dream” which is rife with fish puns.
Apparently there’s a video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Yp9ASVUg_A
@tarrkid: Yeah, the Kip Adotta thing was the first thing I thought of when I read this post.
They don’t talk much. Instead, to keep in touch, they just drop a line once in a while. Especially squid, who have been known to occasionally ink a note.
Brine language.
Uh, mostly in school?
@Old Geezer: a riddle requires a logical answer, doesn’t it? many of these answers aren’t all that logical yet still funny, or just silly. take for instance:
“how do fish communicate?” “i dunno, how?” “they record a Codcast!”
quite a lot of these are puns.
here is a simple (children’s) riddle that i quickly googled:
You heard me before,
Yet you hear me again.
Then I die, ‘Til you call me again
What am I?
@wytworm: the majority of them are simple puns, really. punny punchlines!
@marilove: an echo?
@Steve: yes! pretty easy riddle, but a good example :)
These kind of “punny jokes” are fun because there seems to be an infinite amount of answers that fit. Another reason why it is definitely not a riddle.l
Hee! This thread is superb. I thought of a great one earlier but I was watching John Barrowman live on stage ice-skating whilst singing ‘Everything I Do, I Do It For You’ with a bubble machine and immediately forgot again.
@RoaldFalcon: Respect.
They used to text, but they’ve banned mobile phones in schools.
Using any technology, so long as it scales well.
I liked “pier-to-pier networking”, above… clever. ;-)
@autotroph: Agreed. Pier-to-pier networking gets my vote. :)
Just swimmingly, thanks.
Or, by sticking one in your ear.
@Saganist: Bravo. I’d forgotten all about the Babel Fish. They communicate quite well if used properly as I recall.
@dahduh:
hahahahaa! …have you ever heard of the country called Finland? (…they speak Finnish)
Well, not by the phone line, cause they don’t want to get hooked up.
World Wide Phone Guide:
“The first thing I do when preparing to hook up in a new location is test the phone line.”
how do fish give birth?
via sea-sections.