Its not news that mayonnaise isn’t good for you.Â Usually its not-good-for-you-ness is explained that mayo’s creamy deliciousness is just a whole lotta fat and artery cloggery.Â But in the UK, mayo is far more dangerous than that.Â Not only will it make you fat, but it will also turn you into a married gay couple with kids who love to make gay man kissy-face porn.
And now Heinz is using this information to spread it’s homosexual agenda across Europe in an attempt to subvert wholesome traditional family values and turn good Christian children into Satan-worshiping, pedophilia-loving homosexuals… or something.
How?Â Through the power of advertising!
(Gay porn after the jump…WARNING:Â completely safe for work)
Some people are saying, “This is not gay propaganda.Â This is a funny commercial, and they’re trying to say that the mayo is so good you’ll think your wife turned into a New York deli man.”Â But don’t worry about a thing, you handsome hunk of easily swayed heterosexual man, you.Â That kind of forward thinking will not be pandered to.
Two hundred people complained, sending Heinz and their pink rainbow manvertisment running back to San Fransisco never to display their homoerotic lovery again in the UK.
What else could they do?Â They’re just one multi-billion dollar corporation vs. almost a quarter of a thousand people.Â That’s just under half the amount of complaints it takes to break up one of Rebecca’s parties at TAM.Â Obviously, Heinz had their hands tied (and not in that good way that the gay people like.)
Come on, Heinz.Â If you’re going to make a commercial with two men kissing, you need to at least consider the possibility that there are some people who are going to get their heteroman panties in a bunch.Â At that point you need to say “to bloody ‘ell with ’em” and air the commercial anyway.Â Or at least set a higher number for your pull-it threshold than 200.
Come on, 200 complainers.Â Seriously, it’s a metaphor. Mayonnaise doesn’t make you gay.Â Thinking your wife makes great sandwiches doesn’t make you gay.Â If your kids ask, “Daddy, why are those two men kissing?”Â Uncomfortable with telling them that gay people are real, you can answer, “It’s kind of a joke.Â That’s supposed to be his wife.”Â If your kids still don’t get it, say, “Yeah. It’s not a very funny joke.”
More upsetting to me is that the husband doesn’t even thank his Deli Man wife for making him the sandwich.Â That and the fact that Heinz doesn’t even sell Moroccan Style Mayo in the US.