I love Pravda. Not since the Weekly World News closed all the shutters has a “news source” delivered such classic headlines as, “Dolphins used to look like humans and lived in Atlantis.” It’s short, intriguing, yet pretty much tells you everything you need to know.
Those curious enough to keep reading will be treated to tidbits such as, “So the ancestors of dolphins decided to possess an ability that would enable them to â€œseeâ€ with their ears by listening to echoes.” Not mentioned in the article is how humans evolved due to monkeys one day deciding to possess the ability to drive station wagons and cook fondue.
The article cites some prominent sources to back up its slightly less than believable claim. For instance, there’s “Dr. Leslie Huskerway, a biologist.” Google has never heard of him/her, but a biologist should know what he/she is talking about when it comes to dolphins and evolution.
The crackerjack team that deduced the Atlantean-dolphin connection was simply identified as “Australian scientists.” I invite my Austalian readers to look into that.
The article goes on to name “researchers at Melbourne University” as those who discovered “that the dolphin was the nearest relation of the human being.” Though that statement is patently absurd, my research has shown that Melbourne University actually does exist, so kudos to Pravda for that.
“Professor A. Portman” is brought into the mix on the 2nd page. Prof. Portman works at the “Basel-based Institute of Zoology (Switzerland),” which doesn’t appear to exist per se. If we’re actually talking about the Zoological Institute of the University of Basel, then Prof. A. Portman doesn’t appear to exist. However, it’s very likely that Prof. Portman’s research is top secret, hence the reluctance to leak his or her real first name to the Russian press.
Then, there’s “American neurophysiologist John Lilly,” who is mentioned for his research into dolphin communication:
Lilly is confident that scientists will make enormous progress in many fields once verbal contact between humans and dolphins is established.
Big points to Pravda for choosing a real scientist! Except, negative points for failing to realize that Lilly died in late September.
Late September, 2001.
Look, whatever. The important thing to remember is that as a very wise Perry DeAngelis once noted, “Dolphins and monkeys basically could play chess together.”