Some chiropractors claim the ability to manipulate your skeletal system in such a way as to give you relief from aches and pains. Some claim the ability to use that same manipulation to cure afflictions like deafness and disease. And one chiropractor, James Burda, claims to the ability to cure you by traveling back in time. You have to admit: he holds a special niche in the industry.
The Ohio State Chiropractic Board says that unlike their members who claim to be able to detect and correct certain (made-up) “subluxations” in patients, Burda is mentally ill. Mentally ill like a fox.
Burda calls his special ability “Bahlaqeem,” saying on his web site
It is a made-up word and, to my knowledge, has no known meaning except for this intended purpose. It does, however, have a soothing vibrational influence and contains the very special number of nine letters
Here are some other soothing words with nine letters that were sadly already taken:
According to the AP article:
The treatment is not telepathic because the patient does not have to believe in what he’s doing, Burda said. He has treated hundreds of patients and reports nine out of 10 patients are satisfied, he said.
Nine out of ten is a damn good record. Since the patient doesn’t have to believe in what he’s doing, I’d like to sign up for the free first “visit,” which is done over the Internet or phone. The problem is that I’m too healthy right now. Anybody else want to volunteer? If you have arthritis, back pain, numbness and tingling, or other pain throughout your body, let me know. I see a good article for Skepchick coming of this, and who knows? Maybe if it works, we can help the good “doctor” apply for James Randi’s Million Dollar Challenge.
Oh! I thought of another soothing nine-letter word with a tremendous amount of power: Skepchick. Coincidence? Doubtful.
And yeah, I totally quoted Huey Lewis and the News. Deal with it.