The Boston Globe today has an article about a possible new species of crustacean that has just been discovered in the South Pacific.
It’s amazing that we don’t need to go to other planets to find alien species — look at all the crazy things running around on our ocean floors right now. Look at it. It’s a lobster, with hair. Blonde hair, no less. (Researchers are still attempting to verify whether the “carpets match the drapes,” if you know what I mean.)
The creature, which the scientists have dubbed Kiwa hirsuta but which I am calling “Snipply, the Furry Lobster,” was found around hydrothermal vents located 7,540 feet beneath the surface. We’ve only known about these sorts of vents for less than 30 years, so there’s a lot to figure out about them both in terms of their geology (what I call “rockiness”) and their biology (“Snippliness”).
If you consult your Skepchick 2006 Calendars, please note that Ms. August has just been chosen by MIT to sail around the world researching underwater rockiness. Any comments and e-mails sent my way congratulating her will be forwarded to our favorite hottie geologist. But please, don’t bother asking her to pick you up souveniers. She’s already going to be busy enough finding me a Snipply of my own. Look, he’s so cute! My cats will love him. To pieces.
Speaking of, allow me to demonstrate the difference between my thought process and that of the Boston Globe journalist. Upon viewing Snipply, my first thought was, “Aww, he’s blonde and only six inches long — just the size to live in my bathtub and be my furry underwater friend!” The Boston Globe journalist thought:
The animal is white and just shy of 6 inches long — about the size of a salad plate.
Run away, Snipply, run with all the speed your tiny blonde legs can handle!