Primary Results Recap: This Shit Again
Last night, we trudged a few small steps closer to our inevitable November deaths (some people call it “election night” – whatever). Hawaii, Idaho, Michigan, and Mississippi made their choices known. Spoiler alert! Some people still inexplicably want pumpkin butt plug Donald Trump to be the leader of the free world. So, that’s a thing.
Here’s the state by state breakdown:
- Hawaii Republican Caucus
- In the great state of Hawaii, Trump got 10 delegates, and six more went to Cruz. The remaining two candidates didn’t break the percentage thresholds to receive any.
- Idaho Republican Caucus
- 1% of the electorate is still unreported in Idaho; however, it appears as though a decisive 45% of the voters want mysterious mouth debris gremlin Ted Cruz to be our next president. He got 20 of their delegates, and Trump got 12.
- I assume Marco Rubio was sent home with a sack of potatoes.
- Michigan Democratic/Republican Primary
- The GOP delegates were split three ways in Michigan: Trump took 25, while Kasich and Cruz both managed to snag 17.
- A tight race on the Dem side sent 65 delegates Sanders’ way, with Clinton taking the remaining 58. Early polls had Clinton ahead by 20%, so this was a bit of a surprise. However, given that the 2010 Census had Michigan at 79% white, it’s a little less so.
- Mississippi Democratic/Republican Primary
- 29 of Mississippi’s Democratic delegates were award to Hillary Clinton. 4 went to Bernie Sanders.
- Surprise! The birthplace of the KKK’s most violent branch in history went to the guy who was endorsed by the KKK. 24 of Mississippi’s GOP delegates went to Donald Trump. Ted Cruz nabbed the remaining 13.
Marco Rubio didn’t get a single delegate last night, but I’m not sure it marks the beginning of the end for him quite yet. He’s still the solid third place “winner,” with 151 delegates to Kasich’s 54. I’d be surprised if Rubio dropped out before his home state of Florida had a chance at the primaries on March 15th; however, an increasingly terrified GOP is still trying to figure out what to do about Trump. They could put pressure on him to help narrow the field, so that one candidate has a better shot of taking down the presumed frontrunner. Democracy!
Regardless, we’ll continue slogging along, until only two candidates are left to fight gladiator-style to the death. For America!
Featured Image by Theresa Thompson.