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The other day, Sam posted an Afternoon Inquisition about the new study showing that married people live longer, and married men in particular get a big benefit from younger wives. It took the genius of Danarra to take this information to its logical conclusion:
Does this mean lesbians live forever?
Congrats, Danarra, you win comment o’ the week! But more importantly, congrats to all our married lesbian readers. Enjoy a long, happy life.
Speaking of lesbians, here are some runners-up for you:
From jrpowell, on the topic of the child of lesbian parents getting chucked out of Catholic school:
I went to a Catholic high school. They didnâ€™t seem to care if a studentâ€™s parents were atheist (me), divorced (about 1/3 of the student body) or even Muslim (at least two kids in the school). As long as the tuition was paid on time, and you showed up and at least tried to learn, the Jesuits were happy.
They also didnâ€™t care if they didnâ€™t have good answers to theological questions.
However reasonable the argument of, â€œWe wonâ€™t know how to answer your childâ€™s questions about the Churchâ€™s position the parentsâ€™ relationshipâ€ sounds, it is just cover for prejudice.
Please! they pretend to know what happens to folks after death, and why the 3-in-1 god would kill himself for the sins of his own creations. I think they can come up with similar BS to tell this kid about his lesbian parents.
Speaking of kids, Holytape made a shocking discovery after learning about the fake lady-gets-pregnant-by-3D-movie story:
This story explains why my bastard child looks vaguely like a beta-max.
Speaking of heredity, Joshua explains why boys get all the cool Happy Meal toys:
But, but, butâ€¦ Evolutionary psychology teaches us that, back on the Savannah (I didnâ€™t know we came from Georgia, did you? But we did! Science!), there were fitness benefits associated with these gender roles! You know, men were hunting and women were barefoot in the kitchen making sandwiches. So it would have been advantageous for the boys to play with humping War Machine toys, because it taught them the importance of wearing armour during battle AND of having sex to propagate the species! Whereas women gained a reproductive advantage by writing things on mirrors like, â€œOh God Iâ€™m so fat why did I eat that pint of ice cream?â€ and â€œI should always give blowjobs when demanded of me, even if I donâ€™t feel like it just thenâ€. Because science says those things incease reproductive fitness. Really, it does, just trust me on this.
So, you see, really the Happy Meals are just trying to bring us back to our hunter-gatherer ideal for which we evolved! Itâ€™s evolution! Why are you denying this? Do you hate evolution? Ugh, youâ€™re just as bad as creationists if you donâ€™t admit the plainly obvious fact that women evolved to serve the whims of men, who should never be questioned, criticised, or contradicted, especially when they cheat on you. Because thatâ€™s totally evolution, too.
Speaking of War Machine, CoffeeJedi succinctly notes:
Ah! War Machineâ€¦.
And speaking of none of that, DanielZKlein wrote about deadly weight-loss drugs:
Not sure why people are upset at the deadly drug in the weight loss â€œmedicineâ€. From my copious experience with dead people I can state with absolute certainty that they all lose weight. Eventually.
Happy Friday everyone!