Skepticism

Simon Singh’s New Baby: What Can Astrology Tell Us?

Yesterday morning, Simon Singh became the proud father of an adorable little boy named Hari, tweeting

Hari Singh arrived at 2am. Pisces! If he develops colic, it’s unlikely that we’ll take him to a chiropractor. Mum & baby doing very well.

Thanks to Simon’s informative Tweet, we’re able to create a rather accurate birth chart for the little guy based on his time, date, and location of birth. According to Alabe.com, the verdict is in: he’s going to be a bipolar psychic Libertarian asshole. Full breakdown after the jump!

Hari's Birth Chart

Rising Sign is in 24 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner — you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose — you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize — your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.

(All bolding is mine.) Obviously one part of this is already quite true. Hari was confined in a womb but felt restless, so he demanded freedom and got himself born. It’s a shame that he’s going to be an indiscreet jerk, especially because his love of socializing means he’s going to be spreading that jerkiness around.

Sun is in 29 Degrees Pisces.
Extremely sensitive and emotional, you absorb the emotions of others (whether positive or negative) like a sponge. Emotionally vulnerable, you are easily upset and tend to cry readily. You are at your best when you can structure your environment in such a way that you are surrounded by positive, upbeat people. You are very helpful and understanding of the needs of others. Indeed, at times this can be a disadvantage, because you can be a sucker for anyone who needs help. Shy, dreamy, romantic in nature, you delight in retreating into your private fantasy world. Just be careful that you do not get lost in it! Trust your intuitions — you may be quite psychic.

Holy shit people, Simon Singh’s son might be psychic! Forget that now we know he’s a gregarious jerk who bursts into tears the moment anyone tries to get their own back. Psychic!

Moon is in 17 Degrees Taurus.
Warmth, comfort, security and familiar surroundings are necessary for you to feel at ease. Very loving and affectionate, you prefer a steady, patterned way of life. Patient, calm and steadfast, you are not easily upset. Others look to you for support. You tend to be a slow starter and a slow mover — others may try to rush you, but they will never succeed. Emotionally, you are quite stubborn — your attitudes about people and things were firmly set in your youth and will change very little as an adult. You are also very cautious and conservative about spending money. It is not that you are selfish, you just need to feel secure. Beware of a tendency to become overly complacent and too self-satisfied.

Waaaaait just a second. Two seconds ago Hari was “easily upset.” Now he’s “not easily upset.” Could this mean . . . bipolar?? Also: he’s a cheapskate.

Mercury is in 04 Degrees Aries.
Very quick-witted, you are known for being an independent thinker. You love to debate and argue, and are excellent at repartee and battles of wits. At times, however, you act too fast on hastily formed opinions and thus waste a lot of energy defending your rash and sometimes incorrect conclusions. It is perfectly acceptable for you to defend your beliefs with your usual vigor, but try not to take the opinions of others as personal insults.

This probably refers to the fights little psychic Hari will have with his skeptical parents.

Venus is in 15 Degrees Aries.
You are a very affectionate person but you hate to be tied down. You are more than willing to be the aggressor in initiating new relationships. Indeed, once you have set your sights on someone, you tend to pursue him or her ardently and passionately. But you do demand your own way in a relationship. Try to give in to your partner’s needs and desires once in a while.

Oh good. A stalker.

Mars is in 00 Degrees Leo.
You are a very proud person. Strong, bold, courageous and self-possessed, you love to be the one to initiate significant actions. When people expect a lot of you, you respond positively and will work hard in order to maintain their respect. But when your dignity or pride is threatened, you tend to become sarcastic, arrogant and domineering. Try not to take any challenge or resistance that you meet as a personal affront. You are very stubborn about your right to live your life according to your own principles.

More asshole behavior. Surprise.

Jupiter is in 14 Degrees Pisces.
You are at your best when you give of yourself and what you have — try to avoid being a martyr about it, though. You’re a true idealist, but you must learn not to be upset when life does not cooperate with the way you think things should be. Very concerned with spiritual truth and growth, when you practice what you preach, you make an excellent role model for others. You are so devoted to altruistic ventures and concerns that you tire easily at times. It then becomes necessary for you to go off by yourself to recharge your batteries.

But at least he’ll give to charity! And then tell everyone about it.

Saturn is in 01 Degrees Libra.
Although you take quite a while to make decisions, you usually consider all sides to a question, all the pros and cons, and the solution you come up with is very often the correct one. You tend to be very reserved and shy, but, once you make a commitment to someone (in either a business or personal relationship), the partnership is forever. You have a strong sense of justice and fair play and greatly respect the laws and institutions by which you are governed. As such, you are outraged when others break laws or show contempt for authority.

Okay, in paragraph one he was “outgoing,” “gregarious,” and loved to socialize. Now he’s reserved and shy. More indicators of bipolar behavior I think.

Uranus is in 26 Degrees Pisces.
You, and most of your peers, are extremely idealistic and want to change society by completely reorienting its highest religious goals and aspirations. Just be careful to make sure that your new goal structures are properly grounded in reality so that they have a chance of being accepted by the majority.

Hm, this is promising! Little Hari will grow to overturn the world’s religions and replace it with a reality-based spirituality.

Neptune is in 27 Degrees Aquarius.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize and even venerate the ability to remain detached as well as the ability to objectively analyze any given situation. There will be a concerted effort on your part to cure the ills of society as a whole. But be very careful to continue to maintain and protect the rights of individuals in the midst of these potentially far-reaching changes.

Hold on. Fiscally conservative (paragraph 3), reality-based (paragraph  9) . . . oh, fuck. A Libertarian.

Pluto is in 05 Degrees Capricorn.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense changes in the very fabric of society. Many accepted institutions may pass away or be born anew. The good of the community as a whole will be stressed and individual rights may come under attack. This will possibly be a period of decay that will lead to a new order.

Libertarians, your society needs you! But who will lead you to victory? Who I say?

N. Node is in 18 Degrees Capricorn.
You rarely get involved closely with anyone unless he or she has something specific and practical to offer you. You tend to be “all business” when it comes to dealing with others. You’re usually so intently focused on a particular goal that you rarely have time for social niceties or casual fellowship. But you can definitely be counted on by others to get things done. When you say that you’ll do something, you do it. As such, you’re a valuable member of any team situation and will probably rise to a position of leadership within the group. Your trustworthiness and sense of responsibility are unquestioned. But do try to avoid the temptation to “use” others to reach your goals — they might come to resent you.

All hail Hari, bipolar psychic Libertarian messiah!

Rebecca Watson

Rebecca leads a team of skeptical female activists at Skepchick.org. She travels around the world delivering entertaining talks on science, atheism, feminism, and skepticism. There is currently an asteroid orbiting the sun with her name on it. You can follow her every fascinating move on Twitter or on Google+.

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7 Comments

  1. I don’t know. I just checked out my chart on their website, and it’s way off on just about every point. I’m having some doubts about their empirical basis.

    Like Hari, I’m also somewhat bipolar, as Saturn tells describes me as being “basically quite conservative, you respect traditional authority figures and are very thankful and supportive of the laws and institutions which govern your life”, whilst according to Uranus, I “have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world. ”

    Also, I’m psychic. Who knew?

  2. Wow… what a wonderful site! I learned some astounding things about myself:

    “Very dignified and honorable…” I always knew it, it’s society’s fault for not recognizing masturbation comics as dignified and honorable. Nitwits.

    “Be careful of a tendency to be snobbish and uppity — it does not become you.” Oops, sorry for that nitwit remark…

    “You trust your intuitions and tend to reject ideas that are based solely on logic.” Uh oh… I guess I’d better re-think the theme of my YouTube channel…

    “Your ideas and thought processes do not come to you in an orderly, logical fashion…” “You are such a clear thinker and speaker, with a logical orderly mind, that you are repulsed by abstract, intangible or unorganized thoughts or ideas.” Crappit. Not only am I also apparently bipolar, I’m repulsed by myself!

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