Congratulations on choosing a career path with a long and colorful history! Many people believe that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession — we here at Scam University think that in all likelihood, the prostitute in question handed her john change consisting of counterfeit clamshells, thus beginning the world’s second oldest profession.
There are a lot of ways to make money without actually offering anything of worth, like starting up a dot com or going into marketing; but even in these fields, you may accidentally end up providing a real service and bettering the world.* Contrary to what may be represented in Hollywood movies such as Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, The Spanish Prisoner, and Leap of Faith (all starring Steve Martin, not coincidentally), con artists rarely if ever actually improve the health and well-being of others — and we say that means more health and well-being for you, future con artist!
There are many career opportunities that fall under the “Con Artistry” umbrella. Consider the following short list:
- TV Psychic
- Free Energy Inventor
- Miracle Diet Pusher
- Internet Blogger
Not only are all these fields well-established, but the more creative among you can even devise your own clever way to score big bucks! Your target market could be:
- Mentally Retarded
- Any Combination of the Above
For inspiration, consider the case of the German Institut fur Empirisch-Statistische Diagnostik, located at SchwangerSchwangerCraft.com**. It’s not just a funny name — it’s also a fantastic idea for getting money for nothing, courtesy of people who are both Gullible (about numerology) and Ignorant (of basic statistics)! We call this the GI demographic — a very wise choice, as it is a large market willing to spend a good deal of money despite the lack of any actual benefit. SchwangerSchwangerCraft provides a deceptively simple concept: they will tell pregnant women the gender of their babies, a mere week after conception, for just $23 (or half-price during the winter sale). If they are wrong, they will refund 100% of the money. In other words, this company makes at least about $11.50 (or $6 during the winter sale) every time a parent orders a test. The work required for this fee: sending the customer an e-mail randomly assigning a gender to the unborn child. To put it another way, imagine a company based on this idea: you pay them $5 to flip a coin. Every time the coin comes up heads, they keep your $5. Every time it comes up tails, they give you your $5 back. Now there’s a business plan that just can’t fail! No fair using that as your final exam project for Creative Business Scams 301 — we’ve heard it before!
The Institut fur Empirisch-Statistische Diagnostik even backs up their business with a cleverly worded FAQ. Study this carefully and you’ll learn some wonderfully creative tactics:
QUESTION: Of what degree of probability could you say that your research will be correct to identify the correct gender of my child?
ANSWER: Due to our optimized statistical-empirical method a maximum likelihood can be achieved. Continiously we are working to improve the method aswell. Our marksmanship is exceptional high. Just test it yourself. We are so sure about our method that we will give a 100 % Money-Back-Guaranty
See, despite the fact that the actual answer is 50%, the GI demographic will read the above statement and assume the answer is 100%. Brilliant, wouldn’t you say?
We at Scam U hope that this case study has not only taught you a few things about the growing industry we serve, but also has inspired you to constantly strive to improve your own scamming abilities. If you wish to learn more, Scam U has a multitude of classes to help you succeed in whatever field of con artistry you wish to pursue. Please check back at this space often for future opportunities to learn more.
*Please see author bio
**English version at baby-oracle.com. Special thanks to Shevek for the link.