Want to know how your unborn baby is doing? You could trust a trained medical doctor to tell you about possible complications byÃ‚Â using the most advanced tools available, but instead, why not just send a sonogram to this fruitcake? According to this rambling, inarticulate article, “T. Stokes” claims the ability to read your baby’s palm before he is even born, letting you know the possibility of problems such as Downs Syndrome. He also states that he moved his own baby out of the breach position just before birth, using nothing but the power OF HIS MIND. Luckily, psychic powers seem to have no direct correlation to the power to form coherent sentences.
As if that anecdote weren’t convincing enough, Stokes rambles on through a lot of other fun facts. Like, did you know that “disturbed or malnourished” babies make “unhappy hand gestures?” If I were pregnant and I saw an image of my little angel giving the world the finger, I honestly think I’d be a little proud. And by “a little proud” I mean that I’d hang the image on the wall and show it to every prom date she brings home.
Reading the fetus’ hand can also tell you who the father is. Why bother with unreliable DNA tests when Stokes can tell you it’s the mailman in just a few minutes?
My absolute favorite factoid is that unborn babies will turn to face a light shown on the mother’s stomach. And what prestigious publication does he cite? Reader’s Digest. My only complaint is that he failed to indicate that this study was actually mentioned in one of the “Humor in Uniform” anecdotes.
And no, Motoko still has not remembered to bring the scientific equipment. Tomorrow? Perhaps. Patience!