Skepticism

The Original Writing of Little I…

My favorite music video for so many reasons is Piano Man and, for the first time in my entire life, I get to echo Billy Joel. It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday and the regular crowd shuffles in

Son, can you play me a melody? I’m not really sure how it goes? It’s sad and it’s sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a younger man’s clothes.

Charlie (Little I) hated how many times I made him watch Piano Man.

I have been overwhelmed by the number of you who have reached out, sent flowers, or contributed to Charlie’s LGBTQIA fund, and reached out in love to us. I can’t believe the number of you who messaged me to say that watching me be a mother made you feel confident you could be a mother too. You are all incredible. You are the heroes of this story.

Today was the weirdest of days. I poured my heart into TD’s basketball team and listened to Strange’s clinical shenanigans. I went and did a workout. I bought tickets to tomorrow’s collegiate basketball game. TD and I tried to go to the coffee shop but, when it was packed full, ended up going to our local dive bar. I signed her up for softball. I also went to Trader Joe’s and when the usual cashier asked me where my “helper” was, I cried. We had a routine where we would bet on the final total. They gave me flowers and a hug. I realized he always checked the mail and everything since Feb 5th has been returned to the sender. Oops?

But, I always wondered if Charlie (Little I) was truly connected to me when he died. We had so many conversations. So many talks about how I grew up and safety and dangers. So many of you mentioned that he was the thing that connected you to me and my blog (now archived in the Library of Congress, isn’t that weird?) I went looking for a reason on Charlie’s computer for anything and there was so much incredible writing that I found. I reiterate that his death was an accident …but this. There is so much writing, music, and drawing I found, but this…

You’re too damn humble
I’m too damn angry
I’m starstruck
And you’re too busy tripping over your flaws
I’m hanging on a cliff and I think I’m gonna fall

Little I

When I’m talking to you I feel fine
But it only takes your voice to break my concentration 
I’m out my mind
Little I

You make me cry 
And I’m stuck
I’m too damn angry

And you’re too busy tripping over your flaws
You can’t see how much you’re hurting me
I’m hanging on a cliff and I think I’m gonna fall
Little I

I’m waiting for your text when will you pick up
It’s a one-way street, it’s unreciprocated 
But I’m gonna make you happy even though you hate it

When I’m out of my mind
You make me want to me cry, with love

Yeah you’re the one I’m dreaming of
You’re too damn humble
And I’m stuck, I’m too damn angry
And you’re too busy tripping over your flaws
You can’t see how much you’re hurting me
I’m hanging on a cliff and I think I’m gonna fall

Little I

I clearly have a lot to ponder.

Isis the Scientist

Professor, physiologist, mother of the iKids, stepmom to the Strange Tots, Strange’s wife, Iowan, bikes, shoes, debt-free zealot, post-stomach. Old crone of a blogger who just never learns. Not even close to affiliated with my employer.

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