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Well, it’s that time again: time to use my INCREDIBLE PSYCHIC POWERS to tell you what’s going to happen in 2018. But first, let’s look back at my predictions for 2017 to see how I did. As a reminder, I am the only psychic on YouTube who is happy to be held accountable for my predictions. I am also the only psychic on YouTube who admits that I don’t have psychic powers.
If you’ll recall, last year I had loads of hits, so I was pretty excited to see how I did this year. Spoiler alert: I’m incredible.
The first thing I predicted was heavy rains leading to mudslides in California, possibly sent by God to punish us for loving pot and gay people. Sure enough, there were heavy rains and in May, a huge mudslide buried a chunk of highway in Big Sur and kept it inaccessible for months, with closures and rerouting still happening probably through next summer. I have to say, that was crazy on-the-nose, even for me.
Next I predicted an e.coli outbreak. Sure enough, there was exactly one. In May (a good month for predictions obviously) 32 people were reported sick and 12 hospitalized across 12 states. Luckily no one died, which is the best way for me to be right about an otherwise terrifying health scare.
Finally, I predicted that someone famous would die: Charles Manson. You guys! He died last month! Again, this is the best possible prediction of a celebrity death because he was a terrible human being and no one has to be sad that he died or that I somehow KNEW he was going to die.
Okay, so that’s the rosy picture that other “psychics” would paint to convince you that they’re the real thing. And yes, you can go back and watch my video and see that I really did nail all these things. But here’s the context that others would leave out.
Yes, I predicted mudslides, but I failed to predict the biggest weather-related news California news story of the year, which was wildfires that absolutely terrorized both Northern and Southern California residents this year. Someone who could really see the future would have definitely seen that. If they could see a mudslide taking out a highway, they can see the destruction of literally thousands of homes.
And yes I predicted an e.coli outbreak, but I also said it was going to be due to contaminated produce. The May outbreak was actually due to a product called “soynut butter”, a kind of peanut butter without peanuts in it. That’s in no way produce.
Finally, Charles Manson. Yep, that was a great guess, but he had already been admitted to the hospital by the time I made that video (though I wrote the script before he was hospitalized and he didn’t die for another 11 months, so I still say it was a valid prediction!). But still, he wasn’t the only celebrity I guessed would die. Here’s who else I “predicted”: Guy Fieri, Martha Stewart, Dick Van Dyke, Miley Cyrus’s weird gross dad, the Spice Girls, and Tony Bennett. All those people are still alive. Good for them, bad for my psychic career.
Alright, let’s move on to my predictions for 2018!
In 2018, I predict that a major world leader will die suddenly and unexpectedly. I see an assassination but it could also be something to do with their heart.
I also see some major astronomical news concerning a meteor or asteroid interacting with Earth in some way.
I see a miraculous story of a dog or cat rescuing people, possibly from a fire or a tsunami or other natural disaster.
I see Chris Pratt getting another big film franchise in 2018.
Finally, celebrity deaths: I still see Tony Bennett in trouble. Sorry Tony. Charlie Sheen (hopefully). Jeff Goldblum (hopefully not). And Maggie Smith (hopefully not, I want the dowager to live forever). Eh, and let’s throw in Rob Schneider. Fuck that guy.
OK, I’ll be back at the end of 2018 to see how I did!