Primary Results Recap: This Shit Again

Last night, we trudged a few small steps closer to our inevitable November deaths (some people call it “election night” – whatever). Hawaii, Idaho, Michigan, and Mississippi made their choices known. Spoiler alert! Some people still inexplicably want pumpkin butt plug Donald Trump to be the leader of the free world. So, that’s a thing.

Here’s the state by state breakdown:

  • Hawaii Republican Caucus
    • In the great state of Hawaii, Trump got 10 delegates, and six more went to Cruz. The remaining two candidates didn’t break the percentage thresholds to receive any.
  • Idaho Republican Caucus
    • 1% of the electorate is still unreported in Idaho; however, it appears as though a decisive 45% of the voters want mysterious mouth debris gremlin Ted Cruz to be our next president. He got 20 of their delegates, and Trump got 12.
    • I assume Marco Rubio was sent home with a sack of potatoes.
  • Michigan Democratic/Republican Primary
    • The GOP delegates were split three ways in Michigan: Trump took 25, while Kasich and Cruz both managed to snag 17.
    • A tight race on the Dem side sent 65 delegates Sanders’ way, with Clinton taking the remaining 58. Early polls had Clinton ahead by 20%, so this was a bit of a surprise. However, given that the 2010 Census had Michigan at 79% white, it’s a little less so.
  • Mississippi Democratic/Republican Primary
    • 29 of Mississippi’s Democratic  delegates were award to Hillary Clinton. 4 went to Bernie Sanders.
    • Surprise! The birthplace of the KKK’s most violent branch in history went to the guy who was endorsed by the KKK. 24 of Mississippi’s GOP delegates went to Donald Trump. Ted Cruz nabbed the remaining 13.

Marco Rubio didn’t get a single delegate last night, but I’m not sure it marks the beginning of the end for him quite yet. He’s still the solid third place “winner,” with 151 delegates to Kasich’s 54.  I’d be surprised if Rubio dropped out before his home state of Florida had a chance at the primaries on March 15th; however, an increasingly terrified GOP is still trying to figure out what to do about Trump. They could put pressure on him to help narrow the field, so that one candidate has a better shot of taking down the presumed frontrunner. Democracy!

Regardless, we’ll continue slogging along, until only two candidates are left to fight gladiator-style to the death. For America!

Featured Image by Theresa Thompson.

Courtney Caldwell

Courtney Caldwell is an intersectional feminist. Her talents include sweary rants, and clogging your social media with pictures of her dogs (and occasionally her begrudging cat). She's also a political nerd, whose far-left tendencies are a little out of place in the deep red Texas.

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  1. Bernie won Michigan’s Arab community! And a majority of black men!

    Pardon me, I have to go bury the corpses of a few narratives. Actually, I think I’ll cremate them instead. (Geddit?)

    1. Oh okay, we’ll just forget the other states where Hillary won huge margins then!

      Anyway, I voted for Bernie, but pretending he doesn’t have a problem with black voters is ludicrous.

      1. I was referring to a few very specific narratives.

        The ‘firewall’ narrative, which is more a Southern thing than a black thing. It just happens that the Democrats for whatever silly reason put a bunch of states they have no hope of winning in November before the Ides of March.
        The ‘Arabs hate Jews’ narrative. This is more complicated, but what if I told you most conflicts in the Middle East don’t even involve Israel? The MSM doesn’t seem to know that, though.

        It also dings 538 just a bit, since they predicted with >99% certainty she’d win.

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