Internet Witches are Coming for our Unborn Children!
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Do you post photos on social media? Have you or a friend ever posted photos of your growing fetus on social media? If so, I have bad news for you: you’ve left yourself open to that most deadly of modern day dangers: Internet witches.
This shocking realization comes to us courtesy of – who else? – Pat Robertson, who recently instructed a fan that moms who post pictures of their unborn children are abhorrent, though, to be fair, not unbiblical.
Robertson says that covens of witches scour the web searching for photos of fetuses, and possibly even embryos, to curse. He doesn’t reveal the purpose of this, but I think we all know: this is the final option of pro-choice activists.
After all, theocrats like Robertson have done everything they can to restrict women’s access to safe abortions, and so now we have no option but to turn to Internet witches.
The problem is that much like genuine safe and effective healthcare, Internet witches are hard to find and expensive to hire. So more and more people are training to be Internet witches, and the only way you can really practice is by aborting the fetuses that unsuspecting women are carrying.
See? It all makes perfect sense once you go through the logic step by step. So please ladies, take Robertson’s advice and avoid posting photos of “the most intimate parts of your body.” He only discusses ultrasounds specifically but I think we can also take that as a given that if you post a photo of your vagina, an Internet witch could curse that, too.
Men, you’re fine. Keep texting random women those dick pics.
Bored? Need someone to make fun of who constantly makes themselves look like a fool? Look no further than Pat Roberson.
Here’s Kyle Kulinski’s ( Secular Talk’s ) take on this. What he does is pretty hilarious. I thought you’d like to see it. ( slight mature content warning due to his language )
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