The truth about apple pie spice

People lost their damn minds when they learned Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL) did NOT contain pumpkin. As it turned out, the key part of the Starbucks PSL is pumpkin spice, which is known as pumpkin pie spice in your market’s baking aisle. As many already knew, pumpkin pie spice is spices sans pumpkin.

What spices? McCormick’s pumpkin pie spice contains cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and allspice. I’m sure you’re thinking what I’m thinking…
What about apple pie spice?

Apple pie spice doesn’t contain one scintilla of apples.

True story. McCormicks’ apple pie spice is spices sans apples. In fact, apple pie spice is pumpkin pie spice minus the ginger.
I know, right? It’s almost too much truthiness.
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Over at Mad Art Lab there is a post that teaches you how to make an Apple Pie WITH NO APPLES AT ALL. http://madartlab.com/apple-pie/
When will the delicious horror end?
My curiosity about “alternate” apple pie recipes was completely killed off after I tried making one out of green tomatoes. I had heard people swear up and down that such a thing tasted just like an apple pie. Although I am an utter snob about apple pies, i decided to give it a shot.
That fucker was VILE! It is literally the only pie I have ever made that neither I nor my family was willing to finish.
So, intrigued as I am about the cracker pie, the odds of me ever making one are vanishingly small. Proper texture is an important part of an apple pie, and this thing would obviously fail that important test.
The only 4 acceptable ingredients for filling an apple pie are as follows:
1) Thinly sliced apples (Harralson, Winesap, Green Pie are best. Granny Smiths are OK if that’s all that’s available).
2) Cinnamon ( BUT NOT TOO GODDAMN MUCH!)
3) Nutmeg (couple of pinches)
4) Sugar (Always err on the side of less. That’s what the vanilla ice cream is there for, for heaven’s sake!)
AND DON”T ANYONE EVER COME NEAR ME WITH A JAR OF “APPLE PIE FILLING” OR I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU!!
The cracker pie is good though! I have never heard of a green tomato pie that replicates an apple pie…that does sound vile. But I have made tomato pie that is delicious on its own merits (it’s savory, not sweet).
I also make an apple cheddar pie, which is like apple pie with cheddar cheese sprinkled on top and a streusal topping. It’s really the only apple pie that I eat these days.
May the delicious horror never, ever end. And that recipe is nomnomnom
Next you’ll be telling me that dog biscuits don’t contain dog
On the other hand, hot dogs…
Also…white chocolate isn’t actually chocolate :-0
I haven’t been this disappointed since I found out the ingredients of baby food.
I think I love you just a little bit for this comment.
On the other hand:
“ALBATROSS!”
“Does it taste like chocolate?”
“No, it tastes like a sea bird”