Did you know the US Military believes in ZOMBIES? I hope you didn’t know that, because it’s not true. Here’s a video about it, followed by links and a sort-of-close-enough transcript!
Good news! The US Military has a contingency plan to stop the zombie apocalypse! Sort of.
Foreign Policy has reported the discovery of CONOP 8888, an unclassified document created in 2010 that detailed a strategy for the military in the event of a zombie attack. And I know what you’re thinking: what kind of zombies? There are the fast 28 Days Later type of zombies, the slow Day of the Dead type of zombies, the curable Warm Bodies type of zombies – well good news, because this plan takes into account several varieties, including vegetarian zombies.
Foreign Policy doesn’t go into detail on whether that means those zombies only eat vegetables or only eat vegetarians, which is something I’d personally really like to know.
Before you don your tinfoil hat, no, this does not mean the US Military acknowledges the existence or even potential existence of zombies. The military has to come up with planning strategies, but there are diplomatic issues if they use an “enemy” like, say, Canada. When the document is eventually made public, the Canadian government could look poorly upon a strategy document on how to fight off a Canadian invasion.
The US Government officials decided that in this case, Canadians would be more likely to be riled up than, say, people who believe that zombies are real. Knowing a number of Canadians and having read a lot of conspiracy theory message boards, I can say they are most surely wrong.
This document is also riling up people who can’t read complete articles beyond the headline. I’ve seen a number of people on social media complaining about their tax dollars at work.
Now don’t get me wrong, I disagree with a lot of things the US military does, but creating planning documents isn’t one of them.
Also, let’s not forget that zombies are a hell of a lot more likely than a Canadian invasion. Sure, maybe corpses won’t ever rise from their graves, but we do know of parasites that affect behavior, sometimes quite dramatically. A fungus discovered by Alfred Russel Wallace has been found to infect ants, changing their behavior so that they leave their nests and find a place where the fungus can grow better. Then they bite onto a leaf and wait to die, so the fungus can explode out of them.
That’s actually the same fungus that the Last of Us zombies are based on.
Then there’s rabies. I’ve always felt that rabies was incredibly zombie-like, if you consider fast zombies to be zombies. Rabies is a disease that controls the host’s brain, making them aggressive, and causing them to salivate but also making them afraid of liquids to the point that they can’t even swallow.
There are thousands of interesting diseases and parasites that show us that a form of zombiism is more likely than we may be comfortable admitting. So remember that the next time you want to complain about government misspending, even if they actually are spending money on zombie preparedness.