I was lying in bed late last night reading A Storm of Swords while Adam laid next to me playing a game on his phone. I finished a chapter and put the book away, then rolled over and bundled up in the blankets. After a few minutes of laying quietly in the dark, I announced, “I think I’m a warg.”
A full 45 seconds of silence passed before Adam sighed a long and heavy sigh.
“Okay,” he said, “why do you think you’re a warg?”
“Because I can enter Fry’s mind and control him,” I said matter-of-factly.
Another sigh.
“That’s not true,” Adam pointed out, “because if you could, Fry would be lying here snuggling with you instead of running around the house.”
It was true that my cat Fry and I spent an inordinate amount of time snuggling. Pretty much every night, I fall asleep with my arms wrapped around Fry like he’s a stuffed toy who purrs and emits a vast quantity of heat.
“That’s what I had planned to do,” I said, “but once I entered his mind I was having too much fun trying to tip over the trashcan.”
“Uh-huh,” Adam said. A few seconds passed before we heard a soft thump come from the kitchen.
“I did it,” I whispered.
Adam sighed and got up to go see what was happening. He came back to the bedroom a few minutes later.
“Well, the good news is that you’re right. You’re a balrog, or whatever.”
“A warg,” I whispered mysteriously.
“Fry tipped over the trashcan, and when I turned on the kitchen light he was eating chips for some reason. I guess he likes chips now.”
“I know why he was eating chips,” I whispered.
Adam sighed. “Is it because…”
“…because I was in his mind.”
“…you were in his mind, right.”
“I love chips.”
“I know.”
“I’m a warg.”
“I know. Goodnight.”
Luckily this post was 95% authentic for me because by listening to Inquiring Minds and Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe, I know how each of you sounds. Unfortunately I had to fill in the audio for Fry with my girlfriend’s cat Tricky. He thinks he likes chips.
Fry makes little chirping sounds, if that helps!
Now imagining chirps around a mouthful of chips.
Breathes fire? Check.
Can enter other creatures minds and control them? Check.
Do you have a clunky old broom that barely works?
I think you are really Esmeralda Weatherwax.
I like this theory much better than the Warg one, but for one thing. Granny Weatherwax caught a unicorn once, indicating that she’s … you know … never has … And I don’t think that applies to Rebecca. She could be Tiffany Aching though.
Bjornar I don’t know what you’re suggesting but I am as pure as the driven snow!
That means snow after you’ve driven on it, right?
You need to read at least some of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books. The three Tiffany Aching books, anyway.
Without even reading what you’re responding too, I second. Four books, actually.
I think you’re on to something. I haven’t read any of the Wee Free Men books, but according to her Wikipedia article, Tiffany learned Borrowing from Granny Weatherwax and has an affinity for fire. This is Science, dammit!
Just don’t forget your “I Aten’t Dead” sign.
This post saved the internet for me today.
Big deal. I’m a bastard (Seriously, my parents were married a month after I was born.) who admits to ignorance and I’ve always liked dogs. Clearly I’m secretly a Targaryen AND a warg. ;)
(I know, using Jon Snow, the only secret Targaryen theory I buy, as an example is a poor one, considering there are far fringier theories out there involving *all* of Tywin Lannister’s children really being Aerys’ kids.)
You know nothing.
We were wondering how much longer it would take you to work that out.
I read this entire post trying to figure out why you felt like a demonic wolf, and what that had to do with reading your cat’s mind. I had to read it a few more times to figure out that it must have something to do with Martin. Then I had to Wikipedia to find out that he apparently needs to swipe Norse terms from Tolkien and change them in ways that make no etymological sense, rather than coming up with his own.
Bah. Another reason not to put time into him.
This made lqtm.
One warning about A Storm of Swords: Do you have a favorite character? Not for long…*”The Rains of Castamere” starts playing ominously*
Holy crap! My name is Adam and I have a tabby cat named Fry!
http://instagram.com/p/iaQbxqze8s/
One huge difference: my Fry doesn’t snuggle :(
O_O
THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES
I also like chips. THIS IS TOO CRAZY!
Wait a minute! What kind of chips? Potato chips, or (knowing Rebecca lived in the UK for a while), French Fries (French Fry’s, get it, nudge nudge)…. OR Chocolate Chips? Just askin’.
all three :)
I told my girlfriend this story, and ever since she will, at odd intervals, whisper ominously, “I’m a Warg”.I will, of course, whisper back, “I like chips”.
This makes me incredibly happy!