Prayer Bear Wants Your Soul

I have about a dozen things I’ve been wanting to post this week, but instead of writing, I’ve been screwing around with the site. You may have noticed this as you tried and failed to log in, post a comment, or sometimes even open the site. As an apology, please accept this short compilation of snippets from a show about a terrifying stuffed bear that came to life and found Jesus:

My favorite line is the song, “Have you ever wished that you could have a friend who’s always there and who is not pretend.” Thou doth protest too much, creepy man who owns Prayer Bear.

Remember Purity Bear? I wonder if they’re related.

Rebecca Watson

Rebecca is a writer, speaker, YouTube personality, and unrepentant science nerd. In addition to founding and continuing to run Skepchick, she hosts Quiz-o-Tron, a monthly science-themed quiz show and podcast that pits comedians against nerds. There is an asteroid named in her honor. Twitter @rebeccawatson Mastodon Instagram @actuallyrebeccawatson TikTok @actuallyrebeccawatson YouTube @rebeccawatson BlueSky

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  1. When they’re praying and the girl peeks at the bear, I’m pretty sure that was their mutual signal to murder and cannibalize everyone in the room.

  2. Having just come off of watching puella magi madoka magica I think I’ve learned to be very careful what I wish for creepy guy. Fairly sure that bear wants to get me killed too O.O

  3. At :58, little red-headed girl asks “Even me?” after newly brainwashed girl says “[God] wants to be our friend.”

    NO. Red heads are Satan’s spawn. God doesn’t love you, little girl.

  4. I just went to plug my earphones in and my computer shut down. Paryer Bear will not be mocked!

      1. Heh, I wanted one so bad but we couldn’t afford one, then my grandparents got one for their play room and after some deliberation all we older grandkids agreed it was so awful we were glad our parents hadn’t scraped to get it. My youngest cousin was still a toddler and Teddy Ruxpin made her cry. I wanted to love it, it was a taking bear! but instead it was just creepy.

        1. Onamission5,

          Sad to hear that. I used to have such fun with mine. I can still remember the names of some of the characters in the story books that came with the toy.

      2. one of my formative moments as a young teenager was realizing that Teddy Ruxpin would work with any tape you put into it. Teddy Ruxpin singing “closer” by Nine Inch Nails is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

  5. Rebecca Watson

    I’ve got to admit that that bear is kind of cute, if I were a devote Christian, I probably wouldn’t mind showing that to my kids. I don’t find it creepy at all, except for the part at the end with the demonic laughter.

    You added that demonic laughter didn’t you?

  6. Wait, does the bear pray, or are you supposed to pray to the bear? I’m pretty sure there’s a subliminal sign it holds up for about .01 seconds that says something like “Pray to me and I will answer you.” I’m also pretty sure the inquisitionCongregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (Ratzie’s old outfit) would find this blasphemous and would want the bear burned at the stake.

    I particularly hate how they mock and laugh at the little girl who doesn’t know what prayer is. We read Going Clear (about Scientology) for book club last month. Very cultish.

    Creepy guy is just creepy.

    1. It was “Pray to me and I will answer you” (I froze the picture at just the right split second). Good speed-reading on your part. The mocking laughter at the girl’s sensible questions was nicely, creepily cultish.
      That bears weird, contorted neck really makes it look nightmarish.

    2. Just do as the bear says, man! I don’t want no trouble! Please don’t knife me mister bear!

      1. Scribe’s Wager: Obey the Bear and you won’t get stabbed in the face with It’s pointy bits*. But what if the Bear is testing you and will only stab you in the face if you obey It? What if the Bear doesn’t want you to believe in Him? What if the Bear thinks it’s prideful for a mere human to claim to understand the Ineffable Will of the Bear? What then, Mr. Pascal?

        [*] I think Elyse once threatened to stab someone in the face with a bear. Best.Threat.Ever.

  7. And the moral of the story is, new people are to be mocked and shamed. And horribly traumatised.

  8. When I recover – right now I’m in some weird alternative reality, it’s worse than an armageddon movie, did I hear something about a ‘friend who isn’t pretend’? What planet are these people on? Oh I forgot – the reality proof, I’m so stupid – there’s war, child abuse, patriarchy, homophobia, racism, asset stripping, moralising, repression, bigotry……I get why god fearing folk are so afraid of the devil when their god is so heinous and her/his/its servants are so prepared to mock their own children into unquestioning little possums with fresh teeth and wide smiles – Midwich cuckoos???

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