Dear Surly Amy,
My marriage is kind of hittin d rocks right now. My husband doesn’t like talking about it especially the intimate part. I’d like to know if its normal for men to be romantic only when they want to have sex. I try to get him to play with me but if he is not in the mood for sex, he would stop me. When ever he’s in the mood, he expects me to succumb whether I want it or not. Is this normal or it’s perculiar to me. And how do I handle it cos it’s driving me crazy!
First of all, I hesitate to ever use the word normal especially when pertaining to sexual activity. A happy sex life is more about consenting adults who please one another than it is about what is considered statistically average or deemed appropriate by societal standards.
What you need to do is have an open honest talk with your partner and tell them what you desire and need in a sexual relationship in order to be happy and fulfilled. It may be that you two have different desires and are not a good match for each other. And that is ok. That doesn’t even mean that you two can’t still have a relationship, it just means that the type of relationship you have now isn’t working for the both of you.
Having an honest talk with one’s partner is sometimes one of the most difficult things for people to do, but one of the most important. If your partner has trouble talking about it, consider seeking a therapist. Or ask him to write down his feelings. No matter what, you guys are going to have to find a way to discuss things or you will have a very hard time ever working things out. Communication is key.
Hope this helps.
Got a question you would like some Surly-Skepchick advice on? Send it in! We won’t publish your real name, unless you want us to and creative pseudonyms get bonus points! Just use the contact link on the top left of the page.
Surly Amy art by Jill. Photo by Surly Amy