The last few weeks have been brutal. BRUTAL. My son got a cold. Then he gave it to my daughter. Who then ended up in the hospital with asthma complications from a cold. Almost died. From a cold. So I got to hang out with her for a week, in a place that had no MSNBC or Comedy Central. It was so awful. And I wasn’t allowed to leave.
But then my parents bought a Wii for
my husband and me the kids, and it was like it was all worth it.
And while we were Mario Karting our lives away, some jerk at my son’s school gave him pneumonia. Pneumonia. A 5 year old. In September. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN? Pneumonia is what old people get in December and then ruin Christmas for the grandkids and then get to be all “No, enjoy Christmas without me… I’ll be fine… all alone… not breathing here in the sterile ICU with the medical staff who are very kind strangers. If I’m lonely, I’ll just hit the nurse button. I’m sure she’ll bring me presents and joyful laughter.”
I’m still trying to weigh which is the worst part of having a 5 year old with pneumonia… that he’s sick and, as his parent, you feel all helpless and bad that he’s hurting or the fact that I had to keep him at home with me every day for over a week. Bored and sick kids are probably the most annoying people on earth. Actually, even without the sick, bored kids are a special karmic punishment. This is why school exists. So I can pay someone to get me some quality alone drinking time. I had my choice: a new luxury car and a second apartment or preschool. I chose preschool. Little did I know they’d have other kids there, who have disgusting germs, who would pass those germs on to my kid and leave me without a luxury car and second apartment to escape to when my kids can’t go to school.
Oh, and speaking of no luxury car… my regular not-so-luxurious car was rear ended. So I’ve also been dealing with insurance companies who want to talk to me about my accident, extensively, while my kids are running around infecting each other’s lungs with horrible things and I’m just trying to avoid going back to that Jon-Stewart-free hospital cell. Though, we did get to ride in an ambulance when my daughter ate an onion ring she turned out to be allergic to… and almost died… again… so I guess we had that to break up some of the boredom.
And the second my son was finally able to go back to school? BAM! FLU! Barfing everywhere. Starting with the inside of my not-so-luxurious banged-up car… but then moving on to my bed, couch, floor.
Finally, yesterday, in September’s fucked up idea of an encore, I caught vomit-fever. Now, you’d think not having a stomach (because I actually do not have a stomach) would be an advantage when it comes to endurance puking. Turns out, not so much. It’s far more awful than you could imagine. Really. Imagine barf-flu. Then imagine it worse. Then imagine it worse than that. That’s what it’s like. Like being murdered by finger handcuffs, inside your body, and filled with bile.
So…. after all that, I’m here to tell you to get your damn flu shots. They probably won’t prevent car accidents, but they will help reduce the amount of time my daughter spends in the hospital with asthma complications. And it can help prevent my son from getting flu complications leading to pneumonia. And it can help the kids at my kid’s school not get sick and not get him sick and not have to be home annoying me. And it can stop me from getting barfy again. I do not want that.
Most people think that the flu shot is an inconvenience for an inconvenient ailment. But for real, it could kill my daughter. Or me. Or, actually, you. Remember the swine flu? Healthy teenagers dropping dead? Because the flu is no damn joke. And while the Mofo-Anders family are, in fact, vaccinated against the flu, that won’t always prevent it from infecting us if we are exposed. What will stop us from getting infected is not coming into contact with people who are infected. The best way to do that? Vaccinate all the people. That means you.
Did you get your flu shot? Do you get your flu shot every year? Why not? Is your excuse a good one? Think again. Is it a good one? And while we’re talking about flu shots, have you gotten your pertussis (Tdap)? Why not? Is your excuse a good one? Think again. Is it a good one? If my family gets sick one more time this year, I’m coming after all you mother fuckers who don’t have your shots. So your excuse better seriously be a good one. If it is, I’ll buy us a round of real boozy shots. Lord knows I need some.
Randi <3’s Hug Me!
image courtesy Jamie Bernstein, used with permission
The Afternoon Inquisition (or AI) is a question posed to you, the Skepchick community. Look for it to appear Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 3pm ET.