Random Asides

Beer Is Better Than Religion!

In the spirit of “Shit my Dad Says” here is some random shit my Dad emails! And yes, you may have heard it already but even so it should still bring a smile to your face. :)

If you can think of any other reasons why beer is better than religion please leave them in the comments! Enjoy the end of a long and fizzy holiday weekend and praise the almighty Beer!

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Religion

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don’t force Beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.

6. When you have Beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to
make them drink it.

5. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over
their brand of Beer.

4. You don’t have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying that Beer labels can’t lie to you.

2. If you’ve devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

1. You can prove you have a Beer.

Amy Roth

Amy Davis Roth (aka Surly Amy) is a multimedia, science-loving artist who resides in Los Angeles, California. She makes Surly-Ramics and is currently in love with pottery. Daily maker of art and leader of Mad Art Lab. Support her on Patreon. Tip Jar is here.

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  1. Also a subclause of #5: it’s OK to be friends with, date, and even marry people who like different kinds of beer than you do!

    #13: Beer from a small, regional organization: “craft beer”, seen as often high quality. Religion from a small, regional organization: “Cult”, seen as dangerous and to be eradicated.

    #14: Coors, Bud, and Miller may be evil corporations, but they’re still better than Scientology!

    #15: Sporting events associated with enjoying beer: football, bowling, pool, basketball, etc. etc. etc
    Sport events associated with enjoying religion: Bingo.

    #16: You don’t have to take classes and get approved by the brewmaster if you want to switch to another brand of beer.

    #17: You can brew your own beer, share it with your friends, and they’ll actually THANK you for it!

  2. 18. If one is an abeerist he is not condemned by beerists the the way atheists are condemned by the religious

    19. I can have a civil conversation with a budweiserist, millerist, carlingist while I am drinking Heinekin. Whereas such a conversation with various individuals of different religious persuasions is virtually impossible.

  3. @rasmur: Yes, I do think religion was a large part of what fueled Mel Gibson’s rants and I can’t be sure but I would guess he drank more than beer. I would venture more assumptions on his driving force but the top 10 reasons why Mel Gibson is an asshole is a post for another day.

  4. But didn’t Ben Franklin claim that beer is not only proof that god exists, but also proof that he loves us? If I’m going to argue from authority, I can’t think of a better one. :-)

  5. Can’t resist… They do have one thing in common- Waking up after a hefty dose and saying, “What the Hell did I do last night…”

    @ Buzz There is some controversy over that particular essay. I tend to believe that it is Franklin’s work though. Heck, beer might even be what led to his treatise on flatulence.

  6. @should be working: I like the direction you are going with that one, but I might have gone “Having two beers at once means you are probably the life of the party, not a hypocrite.”

    I’m not sure if it’s quite there, but feel free to tweak it.

  7. Thanks for this Amy, and I’d happily buy you and your dad a beer.

    But as an aside there was the Great Chicago Lager Riot of 1855. While not a war it was a clear indication that being able to have a beer is worth fighting for! Especially when religious temperance bigots try to tell the good beer drinking folk what to do.

    @Buzz Parsec: Much has been attributed to Ben, but religious beliefs were rarely among those attributions.

  8. Re #5:

    Not burned at the stake, perhaps, but OTOH, there is a fair amount of beer snobbery out there.

    Of course, if someone’s “drinking the wrong beer,” that leaves more of the good stuff for the rest of us.

  9. @rasmur. Beer doesn’t mutilate the genitals of thousands of children each year.
    Beer doesn’t throw acid in the faces of girls who disobey their fathers over who they should marry.
    Beer doesn’t lie about the effective of condoms to reduce the risk of catching HIV.
    Beer doesn’t condemn people to death for saying that they do not like your beer.

  10. Religion will try to prevent you from drinking beer.
    Beer will not try to prevent you from practicing religion.

    For all the nitpickers: #8 clearly states “major wars“.

    Consuming beer in moderation is considered to be a good thing. Consuming to excess will make your friends/family worried.

  11. “6. When you have Beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to
    make them drink it.” Absolutely false! This was a regular occurrence when I lived in the dorm. My neighbors and I carry on this tradition in my neighborhood!

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