Transcript after the jump!
Apologies for the lack of updates recently, but things have been pretty hectic here. I was supposed to be in the US this week but a volcano got in the way. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. Giant cloud of ash over the UK and much of Europe? Yeah.
But that’s not the only geological news. Just the other day, an Iranian cleric declared that boobs cause earthquakes. Well, his actual words were
“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes,”
You see, Iran is one of the most earthquake-prone countries in the world, mostly because it’s riddled with fault lines that cover 90% of the country. At least, that’s that scientists want you to believe; it’s what they’ve come up with using their “scientific method” of inquiry and understanding of plate tectonics. But of course, this cleric says otherwise.
He says, “What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?”
Well there are actually a few of answers to that.
1. You could move away from the fault lines
2. You could use earthquake-proof building techniques
3. You could hide under a table when the earthquake starts.
But according to the cleric, the fourth option is to wear a jacket to hide your terrible terrible boobs.
Jen, a blogger at blaghag.com, made the suggestion that we attempt to prove the cleric wrong by creating what she calls a boobquake. This Monday, she wants a bunch of women to dress immodestly in order to prove the cleric wrong.
There are three reasons why I don’t think this is a good idea.
Number 1: Many of us have been dressing like sluts for years with nary an earthquake. What I think the cleric is actually referring to is women in Iran causing the earthquakes in Iran, so what you’d really need to do is convince the most conservative Iranian women to take it all off.
Number 2 is that Iran has so many earthquakes anyway that it’s likely that they’re going to have one soon. So, there’s a very good chance that you’ll show your tits and then an earthquake will happen and then, the cleric’s right.
Number three though is I think the most crucial, which is that we can’t dismiss the theory that this cleric is really just a giant pervert. It’s brilliant actually, all he does is say that boobs cause earthquakes and he sits back and waits for feminists and activists to step up and strip down for science. You know he’s just waiting by his computer refreshing Google Reader waiting for the ladies to present him with some easy, free amateur porn.
What I think we should do is offer an equally likely theory to oppose the cleric’s theory. I think for instance that it’s actually male nudity that causes seismic activity. Consider for instance the recent volcano in Iceland.
I think Western Europe has fared pretty poorly from this ash cloud and everything, so I took a look at exactly what might have happened culturally to provoke God’s wrath and blanket Western Europe in an ash cloud. And the answer was immediately obvious. Just a few short weeks ago, Doctor Who premiered here in the UK. In that premiere episode, Matt Smith got naked on camera.
It’s very easy to prove me wrong here. Get Matt Smith naked on television for the next several weeks, and if flights are still not taking off in London then I’m correct. If the ash disperses and flights return to normal, my theory doesn’t hold up and I accept that. Either way, we all win.