I accidentally cured my family of having money. It’s true! At least based on the principles of homeopathy it’s true.
Quick homeoprimer: Homeopathy is medicine based on the idea that like cures like. If something is causing you to be ill, that same thing will cause your body to get better if you take it in small doses. It’s not all that crazy at this point. I mean, that’s what a vaccine is – curing mumps by giving a child a very very small dose of mumps for his body to fight off. But homeopathy requires the doses to be even smaller than what you get in a vaccine. And the smaller the dose, the stronger the medication. I know, that makes no sense! But homeopaths aren’t ridiculously stupid… see, while you’re diluting, you have to also shake the remedy. It’s the agitation that makes it stronger. Now it makes sense, right?
So based on this, I made a huge mistake! There are some coins in the bottom of my washing machine. I’ve left them there for a month, not even thinking about it! So now I’ve got money + lots of water + an automatic agitator and it’s being applied to the pockets of my family’s pants! I just used money to cure money! Now I’ll never get a job!
I need to start washing overdraft statements. And maybe slip some narcissus flowers into my kid’s sippy cup.
If you could cure any mundane problem using homeopathy what would you cure and what would you use to cure it?
The Afternoon Inquisition (or AI) is a question posed to you, the Skepchick community. Look for it to appear Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays at 3pm ET.
People being stupid/mean. What’s the homeopathic remedy to that?
if an extremely dilute amount of alcohol cured a hangover, I would be a happy man. I am not a heavy drinker, but I tend to have nasty, pukey hangovers that last all day when I get them. Definitely one of the reoccuring nuisances in my life.
@infinitemonkey: 30C Glenn Beck tears.
“I mean, that’s what a vaccine is – curing mumps by giving a child a very very small dose of mumps for his body to fight off.”
Sorry I have to take issue with your choice of words here. Vaccines don’t cure diseases – they prevent them.
I’m still thinking about what I’d cure…
I’d help cure obesity by making homeopathic remedies using such dietary no-nos such as bad fats and high fructose corn syrup. Treat yourself with those, and your body will become “immune” to icky food stuff. (WARNING: may cause anal leakage)
Next would be curing ignorance by hyper-diluting political pundits and fundamentalist religious leaders.
Later, just in case, I will also begin consuming a hyper-diluted amount of Iocane powder.
It’s safer than small amounts of the real thing – and you never know when it’ll come in handy.
Stupidity.
Place Stupid Person (SP) into a sealable watertight vessel. Fill with water. Seal lid. Agitate until SP is completely dissolved in water. Dilute. Repeat.
@slightlymadscience:
I think you’re confused.
A hyperdilution of iocaine powder will only be useful if you are already ODing on iocaine powder.
You skeptics will NEVER understand this stuff, will you?
Just a teensy bit of sidewalk, thoroughly diluted with water and shaken, just so, should cure homelessness.
Celibacy. If I could get away with just a small dose to cure this, I’d be very happy.
@Elyse:
You’re right. I am confused. So I’ll just keep some on hand if I ever go against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
Thanks for clarification.
@slightlymadscience:
As you wish.
I would make sure to wash my clothes with no money in the washer. I will then agitate that “no money” until I a have a cure for the problem of “no money”. My only problem is in figuring out how to get a small enough amount of no money to start off the process. “Science” is frustratingly hard!
@asilentskeptic:
Thus my suggestion to wash your clothes with overdraft notices.
@Elyse: Why not just wash your clothes with your bills? They are more frequent, right?
I’d like to try making a preparation of spray tan, acrylic nails, Sitch cologne and Aquanet and see if that cures the world of Jersey Shore.
@mikerattlesnake: what would happen if you took that, then 30C Rush Limbaugh tears?
@davew: That’s a great idea!
I don’t suppose that means we could cure a lot of problems with small doses of Hanity, Coulter, and Beck?
I would cure gullibility by infusing one period from the end of one sentence from the middle of a Bible or Koran.
Why am I hearing Daleks saying “Agitate! Agitate!”?
I’ll cure procrastination by diluting just a little bit of the work I have to do in water and I’ll shake it tomorrow.
Oh. Now I see. Los Angeles doesn’t have arsonists. We have homeopathic firefighters.
@Pinkbunny: I was going to cure procrastination too, and since yours goes against the principle of like-cures-like, I feel I still can.
I’ll take a tiny bit of procrastination and dilute it in vast amounts of work…
But if I could actually do that I wouldn’t have this problem with procrastination in the first place…
@Bjornar:
Mine is close enough to like-cures-like to be called homeopathy. It’s like those “homeopathy” cures that actually include herbs or OTC painkillers.
I would cure gullibility with a 30C dilution of “Essence of Oprah” ©. I would obtain the EoO by steeping an issue of O magazine a solution warmed by the glow of a TV tuned to the Oprah channel.
@MathMike: I’m reminded of an episode of M*A*S*H where they said that to make a dry Martini, you take straight gin and stand reverently in front of a portrait of the inventor of vermouth.
@mikerattlesnake: COTW for imagining that Beck can really cry :)
@wurmfood: “I don’t suppose that means we could cure a lot of problems with small doses of Hanity, Coulter, and Beck?”
I am not at all sure about this, but I think we aught to try, just to be certain. I will help with dividing them into doses.
I think the best use of homeopathy, should you get it to work, would be as a cure thirst.
@Mark Hall: COTW!!!
@Pete Schult: I remember that episode – I love M*A*S*H!
Thirst.