Thanks to Jeffrey for the transcript, which is after the jump (though video includes closed captioning).
Hello Youtube! This video’s going to be a little different, a little meta. I’ve been very busy this week, and I didn’t really have time to think about what I was going to do a video on. So now it’s Friday already, so I wanted to just get something up there, I thought I’d make it something that I’ve been meaning to get across for a while.
For starters, I just wanted to point out that yes, I have been doing videos in front of a really boring white wall the past few months. This is because I’ve just moved to London and I live in one room, so I don’t really have a lot of options. But, I’m going to be moving again soon, so hopefully my videos will get a bit better, more interesting with the background and with the lighting (hopefully).
And the second thing I wanted to talk about was the Youtube crowd. I mean I know you guys are a sexy crowd, like mega sexy! Every one you know, your friends, your family, tend to be models, you know, just other sexy people. And you’re not used to seeing, you know, crazy beasts like me. So I guess that might get in the way when you’re listening to me say something you disagree with but you don’t really have any facts to back up your position. So instead you focus on the only thing you can really see, which is how hideous I am. So I wanted to say that’s totally cool. There have been a few comments about particular parts of my physical attributes and I thought I would just put them out there so that others who disagree with me but don’t have any facts might latch on to these.
One thing you can talk about is my hair. I don’t really… I’m not a good girl, and I don’t own a blow dryer or things like that. And you can… I actually cut my own hair (mostly because I’m cheap). But you can see that even today, they’re in these weird little bun things. That’s because I didn’t feel like washing my hair today and it gets kinda greasy if I leave it down, so I have to do that. I know, right?
Another thing is my eyebrows. A few people have mentioned my eyebrows. They are bushy, they’re busy eyebrows. It’s weird because until Youtube came along, it never occurred to me to feel bad about them. But I still don’t! I think they’re kind of awesome, they’re like mighty [growl] mighty eyebrows. But they’re not necessarily delicate girly eyebrows that you’re used to seeing. So, I can see how that might be a bit distracting for you, so you might want to make fun of me for that.
But you should have really seen me when I was a kid and it was like one long like caterpillar going right across here. Then one day my cousin, she strapped me down, and she said “you know what, you’re in high school now, and you should look like a girl”. So she, she ripped, she like waxed it, ripped it right off and it never really, never really came back. So. It’s kind of like they my eyebrow reproduced asexually. It was just the one thing, and then it split, and now they’ve became two organisms.
The other thing you might want to mention are my teeth. You can see, see my bottom teeth they’re kind of crowded. Yeah, that’s pretty messed up. I didn’t get braces when I was a kid. Frankly, I’m kind of glad, because they don’t really bother me, and braces would have sucked! But yeah, you might want to mock that.
But here’s something that like no one has actually commented on that you might want to bring up in your criticism: is that the reason that they’re crowded (I think one of the reasons) is because when I was born I was born with the thing that attaches your tongue to the bottom of your mouth. It’s that thing. [muffled] That’s really small on me, it’s really short. So it like tugs on my teeth on my teeth or something, I think that’s what makes it crowd. But that means I can only stick my tongue out this far. That’s it! I mean I was still, you know, pretty popular with the boys, so it didn’t really make that much of a difference. But that’s a good thing I think to bring up if you’re mocking me.
So I think that’s pretty much everything. But I should mention that when you do focus on my physical attributes as opposed to what I’m saying, it tells me that I’m right. And that might not be the message that you want to send. I think you’re trying to make me feel bad. But what actually happens is that I read your comment and I think “oh, that person is wrong, and has no other way to prove their point, so they’re resorting to making fun of me”. [cell phone ringing]
I have another message, so I’m going to take that. In the mean while, thanks for watching everybody, and hopefully next week I’ll come back with an actual video about something. Bye!