Recently, Rebecca posted an email exchange with some jerk who called her dumb. He’s an ass.
But today has been exciting for me, because now I get emails as well!
This morning I got an email (through our handy dandy kick ass comment link over there on your left where you can email me as well!) offering me a chance to try a new, all natural, migraine medicine!
For those of you fledgling skeptics out there who may be confused, this is not how legitimate pharmaceuticals are marketed. You can get free samples from your doctor, or for OTC medications, they come in the mail or with your Sunday paper. I guess with print media slowly dying, the new thing to do is to just email chick blogs and see if anyone wants to try some shit you whipped up in your basement*.
Date: Thu, Jan 7, 2010 at 9:44 PM
Name: Steve Roberts, MD
Message: Thank you (all) for the interesting and entertaining blog.
The remainder of this message is directed to Elyse.
I am writing simply to offer you a free (of course) trial of my new
I would like you to try this because you suffer with migraine – and
especially because you are skeptical – but hopefully still curious.
You can read about the medication on my (still incomplete) site –
perhaps starting here: http://doctorstevesbanjo.com/migraine
If others there would like to sample the product, I am more than
happy to send additional samples – just let me know.
Best wishes, Steve
Fortunately, and unfortunately, for Dr Banjo, I am in the family way these days. I had an offer for him. I was sincerely hoping he’d take me up on it. My reply after the jump:
Hello Dr Roberts!
I’m certainly glad you’ve written. My migraines are persistent little buggers and I’m certainly willing to try anything that’s proven to be safe and effective.
Right now I am 5 months pregnant, so, as you can imagine, the headaches are harder to control due to the fact that so many of the medications out there promise to give me a baby with an extra penis, no eyes, and a heart condition. If it were triplets, I’d roll the dice, but since it’s only one baby, I’m feeling a little helpless.
Before I give you my shipping information, I just have one request.Â Could you please send me an affidavit stating that your product is completely safe for me to use during pregnancy? I can only assume that it is since it’s 100% natural. I just worry about the health and well-being of my future offspring and don’t want to blow my vacation budget on things like vestigial penis removal or eye transplants. I’m sure you understand. Vacations are important.
If you cannot provide this, I would be willing to act as a pregnant guinea pig for your research in exchange for a healthy stipend and a promise to help with any costs related to the injury of my fetus. Again, I’m sure this is not a problem since your product is 100% natural. I would also agree to write several articles per week promoting your product on various skeptical websites if your product does work to alleviate my migraines completely.
I look forward to hearing from you, Dr. Roberts!
In this economy, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do… and I am seriously dying for a Greek Isles cruise. So I was hoping he’d say yes. Instead, I was (once again) informed that I am too snarky for the position.
Actually, I had a substantially longer message written out via your web site â€“ but (only after hitting â€œsendâ€, mind you) I was told that the message length limit was 1,000 characters (as best I recall.)
Youâ€™re too clever for me â€“ by half.
Be well, Steve
Stephen C. Roberts, M.D.
Chief Executive Officer
So,Â I remain pregnant and unemployable.
If anyone else out there is looking for me to shill their all-natural crap pills in exchange for shitloads of money, the contact form is to the left. Please use it.
*Dr Steve Roberts likely did not whip this up in his basement. He may have a kitchen or a garden or a bathroom or greenhouse laboratory where he makes his medicine. Please do not assume that I am in any way aware of the manufacturing process of BANJO. I only hope that the process does somehow include a whiskey jug with several Xs on the side.