Trick or Treat, Smell my… wait, what now?

I have a get-rich-quick, can’t fail plan, y’all.  I am going to one day publish a tell-all book about being behind the scenes at Skepchick. If you think the stuff that gets posted is hilarious, you would never BELIEVE the stuff that goes around our private mailing list.

Today, we had a conversation that I simply had to share. It was prompted by a website that Skepchick commenter and Atlanta Skeptic Stephen K. (a.k.a Thespis) sent me. It’s highly NSFW so click at your own risk: Vulva Original.

Got that? Wondering what Stephen was Googling to run across that little gem? Probably best not to ask… but, here’s what came of it when I notified Team Skepchick:

From: Maria
To: Skepchicks

Ok, who wants to take this one?  Because it needs to be covered. Seriously.

From: Amy
To: Skepchicks

That HAS to be a joke.

From: Elyse
To: Skepchicks

Except that when this type of thing is a joke, they usually don’t let orders go through.. I got as far as the paypal payment screen before I decided this was not worth clicking any further.

From: Chelsea
To: Skepchicks

What exactly is the purpose of this, anyway? Do you put it under your wife/girlfriend’s belly button when she’s having a “not so fresh” day?

From: Amy
To: Skepchicks

What is it supposed to smell like? Some random girl’s crotch after a sexy exer-cycle workout? Really? Why?

From: Elyse
To: Skepchicks

You guys clearly don’t read… you put it on the back of your hand. And sniff.

From: Elyse
To: Skepchicks

I can only guess it smells kind of like armpits? Not to sound all down on chick junk, but… I mean… they kind of smell like armpits.

From: Maria
To: Skepchicks

Yep! There’s even an instructional video!

From: Chelsea
To: Skepchicks

Haha well I read that part but I am having trouble taking any of it seriously. WHY do you need vag-hand?! This is a horrible counterpoint to Tracy’s penishands.

From: Jen
To: Skepchicks

I just assumed it was for men who didn’t think their Real Dolls smelled real enough.

From: Amy
To: Skepchicks

What are they charging? Cuz I will rub my vag on your hand for half the price.

From: Elyse
To: Skepchicks

According to the video, it turns you into a huge dick face.

I guess you can have your hand smell like that while still following the CDC’s handwashing guidelines… great for work? especially for food service?

From: Elyse
To: Skepchicks

Is anyone else wondering why that dude is sitting there smelling VULVA ORIGINAL off of his hand when there are two naked chicks waiting to fool around with him just three feet away? Is VULVA ORIGINAL even more vulva-y than two vulvas?

From: Amy
To: Skepchicks

Johnny just came up with a scent for women. It’s called, “Sac”.

From: Tracy
To: Skepchicks

Mine smells like armpits until the day after I eat garlic, at which point it smells like garlicky armpits.

My armpits smell like garlicky vagina. Go figure.

From: Rebecca
To: Skepchicks

So, considering that Tracy’s armpits smell like vag, I think we need to consider a serious fundraising effort here. Let’s start a competing product made of Tracy’s pit sweat. We can call it “Fulva.”

Amy, Sid says, “At least call it ‘scrotum.’ Or just ‘scroté.'” For the classiness.

From: Carrie
To: Skepchicks

This seems to exist for the sole purpose of allowing creepy, pervy dudes to do their creepy perving in slightly less creepy/pervy ways. well, marginally less creepy. or maybe more creepy. I’m not sure what’s worse, dude sniffing the sweaty bicycle seat or dude sniffing his hand while inevitably leering at some unsuspecting woman. ew. just. ew.

From: Elyse
To: Skepchicks

I’d just like to add “Thank you, Steven K”

There you go, kids – a little glimpse into the wonderful world behind Skepchick. Wondering what ‘Tracy’s penishands” are? Sorry, you’ll have to wait for my AWESOME TELL ALL BOOK for that one :)


Maria D'Souza grew up in different countries around the world, including Hong Kong, Trinidad, and Kenya and it shows. She currently lives in the Bay Area and has an unhealthy affection for science fiction, Neil Gaiman and all things Muppet.

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  1. Nuh-fucking-uh! So what — some guy is supposed to wear vag scent? I don’t get it at all. And the gallery is just out of control. I especially love the idea of wearing one of their tshirts, which you can order!

  2. I love it when things that should have never been get revived. I posted that one over at some time ago before I discovered this place, and believe me I would have shared. But I have to say that the Skepchicks win hands down for the exchange and observations. Trophies all around!

  3. Hey, they spent years developing this! I thought it was supposed to be used on bicycle seats. I have to admit in my young bearded years, I loved that fragrance of my girlfriend would stay in the mustache.

  4. This is probably going to sound a lot more pervy than is my intent, so please bear with me.

    I have discovered in my 46 years that there is something about the scent of a woman that strips away all of the veneers of civilization and pretense and even a few steps of evolution! For me, it opens the door to what it means to be human without all of the noise that typically follows. It is one of the best things that life on this planet has to offer.

    Now, having said all of that, I only find that deeply moving experience with females that I am intimate with. All of the things I said are true, but for me, the intimacy part is a keystone ingredient for those gestalt moments.

    To have the scent be impersonal and random is a tad on the odd side for me, although I can totally see the appeal to males as a whole.

  5. @Reximus:

    Odd maybe… but probably less likely to get you arrested than if you join a gym just to sniff the seats.

    BTW, now whenever Masala Skeptic mentions an appointment with her physical trainer, I’m going to get that ewwwwwy feeling.

  6. Ok, that’s just naaaasty!
    Sex is so much better when everyone is freshly showered/bathed.

    Plus, what reassurance would I have (and why would it matter anyway) that it was the scent of a BEAUTIFUL woman?

  7. I was quite creeped out by the “roll on applicator” (a visual I don’t need) and “more organic content” selling points. Does “organic content” mean the beautiful woman lives a green/vegan lifestyle?
    I guess this product targets the guys who felt a loss when E-Bay banned the sale of panties worn by sorority girls (I don’t remember which one, but they raised a ton of money before the sales were shut down!). Here I’m making an assumption that this product is designed exclusively for men, of course, since we gals can rub our own hands on our own vulvas for a truly organic experience !
    Wow, truly yuck-tastic. May I make a looksist argument and say that I don’t imagine most of the guys buying this actually look like the personal trainer in the intro?

  8. @CanadaLes:

    May I make a looksist argument and say that I don’t imagine most of the guys buying this actually look like the personal trainer in the intro?

    The shame of that is if they all looked like him, at least I’d know who not to sit next to at the gym.

  9. I always ended up, when I went to the gym, sitting next to the guy who hadn’t washed his gym clothes in years or the guy who hadn’t washed his gym clothes in years but cleverly disguised this fact by dousing himself in some eye-wateringly bad cologne.

    I’d just keep a look out for guys smelling their hands as they look at you!

  10. @Briarking:

    “Sex is so much better when everyone is freshly showered/bathed.”

    That is what Oprah says. I disagree with her and you both!

    Personally, when I saw the commercial, I thought, why would the woman not just put her hands in it and then dab it on her neck, like the mention in the Joy of Sex?

    I did not get that it was a masturbatory aid.

    And perv that I am, I thought the ad was hot. Including the bike seat sniffing.

  11. I’m dying to get home to see this, it’s quiet at work but I’m still a little too nervous to check it out here. Maybe I’ll email it to an unsuspecting co-worker.

    @CanadaLes: In fairness if your going to wear Axe Body spray you need to cut it with 6 months of workout sweat.

  12. Thank you. You just made the internet worth it. I think we can call it a day.

    Granted, I skimmed the link… But I can’t help but think that the “essence” (illegal in 10 states! Plus whatever the hell you call Utah,) is derived from some dubious “get rich” farming system. What are his vag quality control methods? Will my hand turn black and fall off after 4 days? I usually require multiple dates before most anything… But never before perfume!

  13. @CanadaLes: I think eBay was made nervous by those sales – it’s actually against the law to send worn [unwashed] panties via the USPS. The potential of being hounded by postal inspectors was probably chilling.

    I haven’t looked recently, but well-worn shoes were selling wildly on Ebay a few years ago. Evidently, there is a tattered shoe fetish. There’s probably a fetish for Icelandic Elf shoes, too.

  14. Enjoyed the back-channel discussion very much and thank you for sharing – the Skepchicks have a wonderful sense of scents.

    Do not overlook the product’s potential to be used in cooperation with other sex aids, perhaps to improve that “bonding” experience:


  15. @Reximus:

    To have the scent be impersonal and random is a tad on the odd side for me, although I can totally see the appeal to males as a whole.

    I don’t know that I’d find it odd or pervy without connection to a real woman (necessarily, though it might be linked with the odd and pervy in even a majority of cases), but I agree that part of the niceness of the scent is that it is a reminder of the woman it came from (as it were). Sex in general seems to be more psychology than physics and chemistry (in the sense of the physical science rather than the psychological sense), anyway (consider sexual orientation).

  16. I can’t say that I would be into smelling this without knowing where it came from. What the heck is in that “phial”? I’m more of an audio/visual person, anyway. I don’t think some random dude smell would get me all hot and bothered, either.

    @YourSkepticalGuy: That is gross. “While being present, the master must know how to be discreet. Indeed, certain dogs will be inhibited by the presence of the owner while others will be stimulated by their presence. ” I had no idea my dog was such a perv.

  17. Fantastic commentary! Thank you for the grin. This product is getting shipped to parent’s basements daily and all around the world! Don’t be too hard on this entrepreneur.

  18. “The scent of a beautiful woman”?
    Do they include a picture with each vial so I can ascertain for myself if the woman in question is, in fact, beautiful?
    (And do we know for a fact that beautiful women smell any better than plain-looking or even downright ugly women?)

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