We see them every day on our commute. Most blend in with their surroundings and we don’t even realize that we see them anymore, but some of them catch the eye. The ones catching the most flack in recent years are those supporting atheism. They go up and are pulled right back down in most cases. There was one in my city [Philadelphia] a year or so ago:
I don’t know exactly how long it remained on the side of I-95N, but I don’t think I saw it more than 3 times. There are more examples of billboards across the country, attempting to make those who don’t believe feel more comfortable about coming out of the closet so to speak.
I hope that the ones that have gotten put up and left in place for longer than a weekend have made a difference. The problem is in the double standard. There are a whole lot more billboards promoting churches and religion in general, but there is no epic battle to have them removed.
The last one is my favorite. Because we all know how opposed to science atheists tend to be. So I ask you, lovely readers, what you would do if granted public advertisement rights via billboard. (It doesn’t have to relate to atheism, BTW.)
You’ve been given billboard space in a well-travelled area and carte blanche on its content. What does it say?
A big “thank you” to Steve DeGroof for the topic idea. I asked for help in my grumbly morning grogginess and he kindly obliged. Thanks!!
The Afternoon Inquisition (or AI) is a question posed to you, the Skepchick community. Look for it to appear daily at 3pm ET.
Many years ago my wife and I would kill time on long drives by coming up with amusing messages we’d put on billboards if we could. Mostly just things that would make people scratch their heads.
“It’s not really chicken”
“Didn’t you know that…”
And of course an all white billboard with the word “Green” printed in red.
Think! Or someone else will think for you.
@jsg: I totally agree with you on that!
Maybe something on making wise decisions but I haven’t thought that out.
Thanks for not stabbing me, you crazy asshole! If you change your mind, I have some clean knives in the drawer… please use those. I don’t trust your dishwashing skills.
“Watch the road.”
“Spoken to your Creator today? No? Why not give your mom a call?”
What are you reading this for, keep your eyes on the fucking road!
“That’s what she said.”
“Road head: why aren’t you getting any?”
“Tree lobsters… it’s what’s for dinner.”
“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”
– Mark Twain
“The thug is aware that loudness convinces sixty persons where reasoning convinces but one.”
There’s so many good ones.
“Eat at Joe’s, three exits behind you!”
You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
If I couldn’t tear it down, I’d replace it with clear glass.
Scratch that, I wouldn’t want to be responsible for so many bird deaths…
I would pay good money for billboards all along my commute that say:
“HANG UP AND DRIVE! It’s the LAW!”
Fuck. I hate drivers on their cellphones.
@jrpowell: If I couldnâ€™t tear it down, Iâ€™d replace it with clear glass.
You beat me to it. I was going to say “Paint it the color of the sky.” One less billboard would be my gift to humanity.
Actually my part of Colorado has very tight sign ordinances. I haven’t seen a billboard in months.
Wolfman: Silver Bullets
@Divergence of B: Beautiful.
There are so many things wrong with that atheist billboard at the end.
Besides the fact that the statement is false, no atheist believes that, its hilarious, because believing that everything came from nothing (a la. I dream of Jeannie [i.e. god]) is exactly what theists believe!
Pluto is NOT a Planet.
@deus_otiosus: Well, damn. That was what I was going to say.
Gwenny’s is brilliant.
Maybe, then, mine should say: “Get off the fucking phone, douchebag!”
I don’t think the word “douchebag” gets used on enough billboards.
Brain cells die in Twilight.
Bobby’s parents thanked God for saving their son from cancer. I wonder if they ever thought to thank the doctor that actually saved his life?
I don’t know if any important points can be made in a short enough text to fit on a billboard.
God’s not here but he left a message: Stop being an asshole.
“Show me your boobies”
“God let your wife die but he helped that quaterback make a touchdown.”
“Wax it, I’m tired of pulling hair out of my teeth.”
“The angles have the blue box.”
“God didn’t stop you from getting raped but he helped the New York Yankees win the World Series.”
“Go to church, all my best work is done there.
“Bananas fit easily into Ray’s hands and mouth”
“Stop for a drink on the way home, you drive better when you are drunk.”
“Don’t make me get my hammer.
“Cthullu is dreaming about you.”
“It wasn’t a rock…WAS A ROCK LOBSTER!”
@James Fox: This is the best one.
“Show us your map of Tasmania!”
@marilove: Why thank you! It seemed so timely.
Can I just say that I adore each and every one of you? I have been cracking the hell up reading these. Thank you all for rocking so hard!!
“If God knows everything, why does He test your faith?”
“[INSERT SLOGAN HERE]”
“Don’t let gays get married, they’ve been through enough”
“Have you grabbed your ankles today?”
“Your boss called, work has been postposed until further notice.”
“FREE MONEY: Next exit, second right, up three stoplights, (progressively smaller) left at the green barn, go 12 miles, through the round-a-bout, (the rest too small to read)
“Only wankers use Ad Hominems”
“Our apologies, due to a Mayan Prophesy, 2013 has been cancelled.”
“You missed your exit”
“Turn your head and cough!”
“I cut your brakes before you left”
“God loves atheists-he made them”
“You got stalker!”
“Jurassic Park, next exit”
Not particularly funny but that would make my life.
Jesus is coming! Quick! Look Busy!
My friend has a shirt that says this. Never fails to make me chuckle.
“You want the Skepchicks? You can’t handle the skepchicks!”
A graphic ad for a nonexistant strip club with the address and phone number of the church down the street from my house. -Not that I have anything against them more than any other, it would just increase my chances of seeing the results.
An ad for the latest oprah’s book club selection featuring The God Delusion or something else equally wonderfull.
One of those magic eye pictures, optimally a schooner.
A warning message about a serial killer who had been hitchhiking in the area along with a description of his methedology and preferred targets. – Not usefull very often, but that one guy who picked up a hitchhiker 2 miles before the sign will crap himself.
I had to take a look at the site mentioned in that fourth billboard (hadn’t seen it before).
The first page mentions that “A 2007 survey in the U.S. showed that the number of 18-25 year olds who were atheist, agnostic or nonreligious had increased from 11 percent in 1986 to 20. ” (sic and cited to HumanistNetworkNews.org , Jan. 24, 2007)
Well, Yes!!, though they then go on to say how terrible this is and what you should be doing to combat this trend.
“Your God was nailed to a tree. My God carries a hammer. Do the math.” – Paid for by the council for the revival of Norse Mythology.
“Why live in fear of Hell when you can convert to Buddhism and unlock the Infinite Lives cheat?”
Saw one on a church sign a few years back that was just fun:
“The cross is where love and sin meet.”
Quite frankly, that’s all you need… but throw in the phone number of a toy store…
Psychic? Call us. (no number would be provided)
@LtStorm: THAT’S MEAN! funny, but MEAN. and deserving of a COTW!
Hey banana man…. Take Three Steps Back And…. FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!
I would have the last 2 panels form this comic printed on it:
“Think About It” It would be sponsored by any one of a number of skeptics groups.
Did you know in 2012 the Mayan Long Calendar runs out? Do you know what this means?
We need a new one. I was thinking puppies.
“Truth is personal”.
“Your God made you in his image”
– An ignorant dumb ass that can’t grasp the obvious.
“Stinky Dog, Stinky Dog, Wash your paws!”
I remember thinking,”What the fuck was that about?”
“The Bible doesn’t make people good – people make the Bible good.”
More sex on TV, less violence.
“Quit tailgating, asshole.”
Nothing funny comes to mind.
I can’t believe it’s not religion.
“This billboard intentionally left blank.”
-Tyr By The Light Of The Northern Star
Iâ€™d love to see a billboard in Australia that reads â€œBeware of the Drop Bearsâ€
I can think of more profound things to say, but nothing that could be read when zooming by in a car.
@infinitemonkey: I like the “free money” one. But it’s bound to cause traffic jams …
Actually, as a way to slow down traffic at a particularly dangerous spot, this could work …
Atheists are better in bed.
Wouldn’t that be better as a fortune cookie?
“Atheists are better” (in bed).
Or was it “… except in bed”? In which case the fortune cookie would have to be “christians are better”.
@Gabrielbrawley: â€œStop for a drink on the way home, you drive better when you are drunk.â€
I see what you did there.
“God did not help the Yankees win the World Series, it was great pitching and timely hitting…oh, and the Phillies suck.” – somewhere outside of Philadelphia
Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.
Say’s it all, doesn’t it.
@Reverend Kel: â€œThis billboard intentionally left (nearly) blank.â€
“Cindy, the test was negative.”
“If you drive slowly in the passing lane, Jesus will give your baby a gay liberal vaccine.”
Hmm, that’s not quite right.
“If you drive slowly in the passing lane, Jesus vaccinate your babies against Christmas.”
It would have two creepy giant eyes, below it saying:
“Big Brother is watching you.”
It would give anyone a creepy feeling.
Nothing beats the actual billboards for the South of the Border theme park, the Tackiest Place on Earth.
A gallery of the billboards. One of them has a real car on it, to give you an idea of scale.
“Oh come on, swallow, it can’t taste that bad.”
If it’s fifth and last in a row of billboards, just put “BURMA SHAVE” on it with a “Rent this space” sign hung half-assedly over it. Make the older drives maddeningly wonder what the hell the other four said before they were replaced.
@Garrison22: HAHA I love the Yankees/Phillies one. I am not a sports fan at all so I could totally get behind that one. Also, as much as I love Philly, I love making fun of certain aspects. Including the fans.
“Just a reminder: your dad ejaculated in your mom.”
I think it’s hilarious that adults react so violently to thinking about their parents having sex. Get over it!! I mean, I don’t dwell on it or anything, but honestly – this is how babies are made!
A lot of these would also make excellent facebook status updates …
â€œPhysics isn’t a religion. If it were, we’d have a much easier time raising money. – Leon Lederman”
If You Can Read This You’re Not Looking Where You’re Going
Want Proof We Evolved From Apes? Try Talking to a Creationist
Have You Been Touched by His Noodly Appendage
“The world can be divided into two groups: those who look up at the stars, and those who look out at them.”
@hernicola: Is too, you planetist!
Gabriel: the next one along reads
“If it tastes so damn good, why don’t you swallow it yourself?”
The Philadelphia billboard (the second one in the country) was up for two months.
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