Sorry to be off topic with today’s AI, but I’ve been busy with some otherÂ kick assÂ projects that you will see here soon (stay tuned), and didn’t have a chance to come up with something smart.
There’s a little “Stop and Rob” storeÂ near my house whereÂ I pop inÂ on occasionÂ to get myself a nice, refreshing fountain drink.
Course the soda is the only item in the store I will buy, because purchasing anything there requires a loan application and a credit check. But I’ll gladly pony upÂ aÂ dollarÂ fifty for a large bucket of brown carbonated sugar water.
I like fountain drinks. In my book,Â they’reÂ the bestÂ way to simultaneously consume a half pound of sugar and enough caffeine to re-animate Marlon Brando. I don’t favor diet or caffeine-free sodas, so if you ever meet me on the street and my teeth are rotted out and my heart explodes right in front of you, you’ll know it was fromÂ the fountain drinks.
But aside from 7-Eleven, the various Grab ‘n Dash storesÂ don’tÂ reallyÂ market their sodas.Â They don’tÂ seem to be concerned with giving their fountain drinks cool names. Most of the ones I see are simply named for the quantity of liquid they hold. The cup dispensers are loaded with containers marked 20 oz, 32 oz, 44 oz, and yes, even 64 oz.
Jeez, these aren’t just measuring devices. They’re pick-me-ups. They are identifiers that signify social status as well as thirst level. They are symbolic ofÂ our American ideal for over-consumption, as well as of our right to be unhealthy. They are screaming out to be the objects of a brand loyalty war. They should be emblazoned with bold print on the cup, and swirling day-glo colors that can be seen from space, and yet . . .Â the worldÂ is littered with plain white Styrofoam cups with 32 oz written on them in a sterile, block font.
SoÂ . . . .
Bottle, can, or fountain? And . . . What would you name your franchise’s fountain drink? Are you prone to brand loyalty, in any capacity?
The Afternoon Inquisition (or AI) is a question posed to you, the Skepchick community. Look for it to appear daily at 3pm ET.