Supernatural Sex

Did you know that wet dreams, morning erections and arousal itself are caused by ghosts?

Forget what biology tells us, or what you learnt in the schoolyard; Dr Narek Helms will re-educate you in his peer-reviewed Supernatural Sex.

Dr Narek HelmsHowever, the dashing Dr Narek Helms is actually me. Yes, I submitted a patently ridiculous article to the believer site Haunted America Tours and they published it, uncritically.

Dr Narek Helms is a Deepak Chopra on Viagra, and waxes academic about sex and the afterlife.

It all began when I wrote a review of an article about rectal ghosts for the Skepbitch blog, and a reader implied that the joke might be on us instead. I still think that the article was legitimate, and sadly indicative of existing beliefs.

At any rate, the joke is indeed now on Haunted America Tours…

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  1. This is incredible. And hilariously wonderful on so many levels. It crossed my mind quite some time ago that someone should try pulling a stunt like on the wooish ones. To to my knowledge you are the first to do so, at least successfully.

    Therefore, by the powers vested in me by my cat Loki, I hereby grant the first ever Knurl Knarlssen Award for Excellence in Skeptical Action.

  2. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at your success.

    I was thinking that it’s not possible that there are people who can’t see through the idiocy, lack of logic, dubiousness of the photos, and sheer outrageousness of the claims.

    But then I read (skimmed, actually), “THE VERY REAL AND HAUNTED ZOMBIE DOLL” article on the site, and realized that you have nothing on your competition.

    If only they allowed reader comments…

  3. What I also like about this, is how poor the writing is. “I am a specialist expert in this area of supernatural sex.” BAHAHA!!!

    Not only did they publish it uncritically, but also, apparently, without an editor or quality control.

  4. First off, kudos for such a great hoax.

    If you weren’t concerned about journalistic ethics, you could create false letterheads, fake web sites, even use Google Voice or Skype to create a fake phone line.

    Think about it for next time.

  5. As a grammar pedant, I feel the need to correct the following sentence:

    But they find sex with living people to be more better enhanced.

    It should be corrected as follows:

    But they find sex with living people to be more bestest gooder enhanced.

    Thank you.

  6. For the anal ghost: “A quicker form of the dry enema ghost removal utilizes the injection of a small amount of water-based lubricant such as K-Y that is blessed and administered directly into the rectum via a non-hypodermic syringe, such as an oral syringe, or from some other source. My husband usually does this for 5 days after any ghost encounter he has as a precaution. ”

    Soooooo funny!

  7. Wet dreams and ghosts? Why does “I’ve been slimed!” come immediately to mind?

    Also, props for the “It doesn’t work, but when it does…” line! And I love that Dr Narek Helms *almost* has his PhD in naturopathy! Fantastisch!

  8. You owe me a new monitor – Mine is covered in coffee now! :-D

    Absolutely hysterical! How can I get some of that “supernatural sex?” LOL

  9. Hysterical! And it reads so true to form.

    After your “Sex While Ghosthunting” article, I’ve been poking around the internet trying to see what less skeptical opinions are out there. (For entertainment purposes, only.) Another few days, I would have discovered this and forwarded the link here. Awkward!

  10. Excellent! I was laughing until my sides hurt. Then I went to the website in question and looked at their disclaimer and found this (in tiny print):

    “This site is for entertainment value only.”

    That’s all they need to get away with posting articles like yours without any consequences. Interesting that they removed your article after finding out about the “hoax” (I guess). Another priceless quote from their disclaimer is:

    “Haunted American is a ghost tour information site; our information is only as reliable as readers’ contributed ghost and haunted reports. We assume no credit for your adventures, and accept no liability for your misadventures. Use common sense.”

    I especially love the inclusion of “use common sense.” Priceless! Clearly the credulous folks reading this sight and accepting this bullshit have very little common sense to begin with, so they need to be reminded.

    Good on ya, Karen!

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