Soylent Vaccine is babies! We’ve gotta stop them somehow!

I hadn’t planned on writing anything today. In fact I have another post that I’ve been doing research for. And I’m supposed to be packing since the husband and I are moving Saturday morning. However, good ole’ Google Alerts tipped me off to some AMAZING STUPID today and I couldn’t not share. Examiner Long crying-baby-party-56800676Island published this article a couple weeks ago, in which an idiot author “exposed” the National Vaccine Advisory Committee (NVAC) for using aborted human fetuses in vaccinations, thereby exposing innocent children to “contaminated human DNA.”

[emphasis mine:]

Before children received so many vaccinations and before vaccines contained aborted fetal DNA, only 1 child out of 10,000 was diagnosed with autism; the rate is now 1 out of 150. Is there a link? Presently there is not enough definitive research to draw a conclusion. Only further, specific research will tell us.

Well, Patty Knap, you could start by looking at the ample evidence that’s been found in regards to the “link” between autism and vaccines. Evidence that states that there is no link. Evidence that exists all over the damn Internet. But that would require you to research facts, admit your mistake and, in this case, redact your pro-lifer agenda.

That’s right, I said pro-lifer agenda. Ms. Knap seems to be getting her information from these people – Children 275px-Mad_scientist.svgof God for Life – “which provides a detailed list of which vaccinations contain aborted fetal tissue as well as any available pharmaceutical alternative.” Because fundamentalists believe that scientists are so morally corrupt that they line up outside of abortion clinics, waiting for a scoop of mutilated baby carcass to shove into a hypodermic needle.

[emphasis mine again:]

The media near-total black out on the issue of aborted baby parts used in vaccines has further kept parents in the dark in terms of informed consent.  With the exception of Catholic/Christian/Conservative media outlets, there is little coverage of the topic. Apparently it has been, at least up until this point, a non-issue for the FDA.

Good thing we’ve got the triple-C looking out for our best interest! You know… condemning valuable scientific research, claiming the government is going to kill our grandparents, telling us we have to keep all of the future babies we accidentally make. Um, hello, overpopulation will effect Heaven just as much as the earth.

Many parents feel they were not told about the use of aborted fetal tissue in these vaccines, although pharmaceutical product inserts list the ingredients in very fine print. However, the lists are only helpful if you know what the often vague medical terminology means, and naturally it isn’t routine for a parent to ask for the ingredient list.   Sometimes listed is “human diploid cells” but it is not specified that these cells are actually from aborted babies.  Many times doctors themselves are unaware.   Nor has the media wanted to focus on this uncomfortable fact.  Yet, interestingly, there has been great attention on the mercury-in-vaccinations issue in recent years, particularly with respect to a possible autism link.

I can’t believe it!!11! Give this woman a medal for being so goddamn smart that she knows more about vaccines than doctors do! She’s the first EVAR… on August 8th, anyway. Funny that she finds the congratulationsingredient lists unhelpful when it just took me literally 5 seconds to find the CDC’s Immunization Fact Sheet, which is highly informative. It’s actually highly routine anymore for parents to ask for the ingredients lists on pharmaceuticals. People, for one reason or another – unfortunately for many negative reasons, are becoming more informed. What they do with that information is obvious when articles like this surface and sat for 2 weeks without being ripped apart.

Human diploid cells are used in scientific testing… But they are grown in a lab, not ripped from the wombs of promiscuous she-devils who dare to nip their pregnancy in the bud. According to the National Network for Immunization Information, “Vaccines prepared in human diploid cells have proven to be very safe over the past several decades.” There is talk of alternative cells being used to produce vaccines.

However, there is no guarantee that vaccines grown in these alternative cell lines would be as safe and effective as currently licensed vaccines and development is likely to be extremely costly. Thus, there is little incentive for vaccine manufacturers to develop and test new vaccines when an existing licensed vaccine is known to be both safe and effective.

Sounds good to me. And it should sound good to these people, since they’re the same people who think that spending tax money on nationalized healthcare is the worst idea ever. Why should they want to replace something that already works perfectly freaking fine? Oh, right. Because apparently the link between vaccines and autism is the “contaminated human DNA.” If you’re preggo with an autistic kid and abort it, those cells are going to be implanted into a perfectly healthy child. Or not at all.

Because, you know, having someone else’s DNA implanted in your body causes you to mutate. Like Peter Parker. Or in this case, like Jenny McCarthy’s son Evan. His indigo senses are tingling.

My favorite comment in the thread was from the one, the only… Doctor Atlantis!

DoctorAtlantis says:

I’m so glad you pointed this out to me. I have long been concerned that coming into contact with DNA from other creatures would mutate me. For example after getting a blood transfusion could I turn into a different race? Or getting clawed by a cat – could that turn me into a different species?

These are important questions and it is great that diligent writers like this are not afraid to ask questions even though “scientists” might think it makes them look retarded.

A lot of the haters will probably be in here saying things like, “This isn’t real” or “coming into contact with DNA won’t change you” – but I saw the remake of The Fly starring Jeff Goldblum (Before he fell off a cliff in New Zealand) and he totally got turned into a half-fly by coming into contact with fly DNA.

DNA is apparently VERY DANGEROUS and that’s why I never touch babies. I don’t want to transform them – and I don’t want them transforming me.

Thanks again for this important fact-based truth-serum. August 20, 1:50 PM


Chelsea is the proud mama of an amazing toddler-aged girl. She works in the retail industry while vehemently disliking mankind and, every once in a while, her bottled-up emotions explode into WordPress as a lengthy, ranty, almost violent blog. These will be your favorite Chelsea moments. Follow Chelsea on Twitter: chelseaepp.

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  1. “Because, you know, having someone else’s DNA implanted in your body causes you to mutate. ”

    All I can say is that implanting my DNA in my wife’s body caused her to mutate. And develop internal growths which, nine months later, ruptured and had to removed surgically.

    Funnily enough the hospital let us take the excised growths home. So we’ve been cultivating mutated human cells for over 15 years. Without a license!


  2. Sadly, those who are unable to grasp the subtle difference between cells grown in a lab and cells regularly ripped out of uteri will probably fail to grasp the beautiful sarcasm employed by DoctorAtlantis.

    Should I have used uteruses as the plural of uterus? Both uteri and uteruses are proper plural forms, but I usually go with the Latin pluralization, pretentious snob that I am.

  3. Whenever I see the word Soylant I want to yell. THE SCOOPS ARE COMING !”. Wow, the dangers of DNA. It’s a wonder I didn’t turn into a cross between a salmon and a scallop last weekend.

  4. Just out of interest; Is this idea spreading? Not the use of the term Dorey, it’d be fantastic if that was picked up, but the Soylent Vaccine is babies idea.

    Has anyone seen this referenced anywhere else?

    If not, this Dorey has a very low stupid number and should die out fairly fast. Fingers crossed.

  5. @Gold: That’s the Australian version. Maybe here in the US we could have McCarthies or maybe even McCarthyism. Hmmm…that sounds familiar. Oh lookie, there’s already a wiki article

    “McCarthyism is the politically motivated practice of making accusations of disloyalty, subversion, or treason without proper regard for evidence.”

  6. @Bookitty: I don’t think the terms need to compete. The Dorey may have originated in Oz but Meryl and Jenny stand for the same thing and we should treat both with equal disdain.

    I think Dorey makes a better adjective than McCarthy. I think that’s in part due to the really good description of it on the Poor Impulse Control blog too.

    So, what can we use McCarthy for and how can we directly, or indirectly, connect it to the Dorey? Linking it to the Jenny McCarthy Body Count site could be a useful way of providing something that can be measured. Or maybe using it as an adjective to describe a Dorey that has grown to the point where it’s actually causing measurable harm in the form of deaths that can be attributed to it?

  7. Propaganda. Pure propaganda. Trying to fire up the religulous faithful. She may or may not know that she’s lying…it’s possible that she’s that stupid or misinformed.

    How much you want to bet that this somehow gets tied to the current political dogfight over health policy in Washington?

  8. I can’t think of a single reason why dead pre-baby bits would even be considered for a vaccine. Unless homeopaths are now buying up stem cells to cure miscarriages or something.

    I’m going straight to the Hell of Hell for that.

  9. And she really doesn’t get that her argument falls apart within itself.

    Autism is caused by vaccines.
    The vaccines cause autism because of pre-baby DNA.
    The DNA contains autism.

    So… Autism is genetic. It is hereditary. We have it in our DNA at the moment of conception. And, at the same time, autism is not hereditary, it’s caused by vaccines made with the cells of zygotes who are autistic… but the zygotes never got vaccinated… so autism has to be genetic… but you only get it if you get vaccinated so it has to be vaccines.

    Oh fuck all y’alls. I’m going drinking.

  10. Before children received so many vaccinations and before vaccines contained aborted fetal DNA rode in cars/watched tv/played videogames, only 1 child out of 10,000 was diagnosed with autism; the rate is now 1 out of 150. Is there a link?

    Any of those suggestions is just as plausible or even more so.

    But that would require you to research facts, admit your mistake and, in this case, redact your pro-lifer agenda.

    Anyone who wants children to die horribly painful deaths from easily-preventable contagious diseases loses the right to be called “pro-life”. Maybe a better term would be “pro-embryonic-life”.

    The sad thing is, even the Catholic church allows the use of vaccines made from aborted human tissue. Yes, this woman is even more an extreme than a church that excommunicated some members for participating in an abortion for a child who had been raped.

  11. Speaking of soylent stuff, page 239 subsection c of Obamas proposed health plan requires the death panels to meet a monthly soylent green production quota. Its true so don’t forward this message to the White house. I don’t want to get on the enemies list.

  12. @NoAstronomer:

    Come to think of it, I’ve used that therapy, too… it was unpleasant for almost a full year, then they cut a fat, almost 9lb parasite out of me after hours of excruciating pain.

    However, I’ve been measles free ever since.

  13. @Elyse: “DNA injections” as a cure for measles. Nice. But what about us non-parasite-carrying people of the male persuasion? Where’s the love??? Won’t we still get the measles?

    Oh, and when your “parasite” is old enough to read this blog, I’d like to see you explain to him/her this comment.

    You: “What I meant was…. Well, if you read the previous comments it makes perfect sense…”

    Parasite: “Fat?! Fat?! Wow, mom. Just…wow.”

  14. @Garrison22:

    By the time he’s old enough to read this blog, he’ll be far too embarrassed by my online behavior to get as far as this post.

    Also, I think he’ll be madder about all the naked pictures of him on Facebook (especially of the one where he’s playing with his wee while playing Wii)… if that’s still around.

    And anyone who’s looking for evidence that women who stay home with their kids are better moms, feel free to use me as an example of the horrid things at-home-parents do to their children.

  15. “All I can say is that implanting my DNA in my wife’s body caused her to mutate. And develop internal growths which, nine months later, ruptured and had to removed surgically.”

    Damn. And here I was, waiting for the little mutant to burst out of her chest or something. ;-)

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