It has come to my attention that some of the old stand-by advice on coitus interruptus, aka the “withdrawal method” or “pulling out”, is, quite possibly, all bullshit.
For years, dare I say decades, sex ed classes and conventional wisdom have been teaching us that pulling-out is barely more effective at preventing pregnancy than leaving-in. Turns out, pulling out is the next best thing to actually using a condom! Honest to FSM!
The Guttmacher institute tookÂ a look at the evidence for the widely held belief that withdrawal is a useless form of contraception. What they found is alarming in light of what we’ve always “known”! Pulling out has a 4% failure rate when used perfectly and 18% failure rate when used imperfectly. I know 18% seems high, but remember that’s only when used not-quite-right… maybe the couple is using it most of the time (or just some of the time) or maybe Mr. Loverpantsless doesn’t see any flaws in his “one squirt won’t hurt” policy.
Regardless of how it may be used wrong, when compared to condoms, puller-outers hold their own… or, um, don’t. Condoms have a perfect-use failure rate of 2% and an imperfect-use failure rate of 17%, according to the figures in the study. So, comparatively, bareback fares pretty well.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that condoms will become obsolete at the “hands” of those opting for the equally effective, but free luxuries of the last-minute retreat. Condoms are still the only birth control method that stops the spread of disease.Â Doingitus interruptus still puts its users at risk of HIV and other sex juice borne infections. So there’s no need to panic that kids are going to be running around, listening to the rock’n’roll, going all Paradise by the Dashboard Lights without dashboard insurance since there’s no need for condoms anymore. There is a need, and the need is a huge one. /*That’s what she said.*/ And it still needs to be stressed by parents and sex-educators.
But for those of you who are in long-term, committed, monogamous relationships where the male half can show some restraint, who are looking for a cheap and easy hormone-free form of birth-control or are looking for a temporary fix between birth control methods, you don’t need to worry about a condom budget.
As a bonus, if you’re looking for some ideas to add a little spice, check out urbandictionary.com. It’s the largest internet resource of ejaculate maneuvers. Be sure to look up all your favorite super-heroes… unless you’re at work. Seriously, don’t look up anything at urban dictionary while you’re at work… or sober… or feeling especially sentimental about your self-respect.
Let’s break it down:
- No planning required
- Comparable to condoms in efficacy
- Pharmacists cannot deny you (professionally)
- None of the cons of using condoms
- Money shots
- Does not protect against disease
- Requires the most self-control of any birth control method
- Does not come in flavored or glow-in-the-dark varieties
So there you go! Withdrawal is no longer the shameful disgusting act of the ill-prepared and promiscuous. It is now a legitimate way to avoid pregnancy.
Since I’m still enjoying those pills I mentioned in my last post, right now a completely inappropriate version of the Hokey Pokey comes to mind… but I’ll spare you.
Enjoy your weekends!