HollyWOO Report: Sylvia Browne and Montel Together Again
Run for your lives cuz she just wonâ€™t die! Itâ€™s the Sylvia Browne zombie-monster and sheâ€™s holding Montel Williams hostage! Aaaaaaaagggghhhhh!
Wait a minute; does that mean Sylvia Browne was not telling the truth when she said 2008 was her farewell lecture tour? Oh, what she meant to say was that 2009 is really her farewell tour.Â I get it, itâ€™s an extension of her 2008 farewell tour! Yeah, that must be it. But doesn’t that mean she couldn’t even predict how long her tour would last? Hmmm.
(More onÂ Zombie Sylvia after the fold)
Of course, it doesnâ€™t ever really matter what she says because we all know that everything she spews out of that gravel-laced pit of a mouth is complete crap.
I will admit I had high hopes that it would at least be the end of the Montel Williamsâ€™ promotion of her atrocious lies when his talk show was canceled, but unfortunately that wasnâ€™t true either. This week, those on a special email list got the inside scoop on presale tickets available for a Sylvia Browne and Montel Williams together-again â€œspoken word/variety showâ€ at the Gibson Amphitheatre at Universal City Walk in Los Angeles on Saturday October 3rd. For $47.50 -$77.50 you too can hear the hideous, raspy voiced, claimed psychic say things like, â€œThe kid’s dead! The kid’s dead!â€ Or, â€œYou canâ€™t find him cuz heâ€™s in water.â€ Of course Montel will be right by her side nodding in agreement. It did say â€œspoken word/varietyâ€ show so maybe he will be doing a little dance by her side?
Part of me had thought that maybe he only had her on his talk show for the ratings and had been pressured by the network to do so, but it actually looks like he has been a true believer and supporter all along. No real shock there.
I also noticed after checking out her website that she is promoting and advertising one of those businesses where you send in your old gold and silver jewelry to melt down. She just gets tackier by the minute, sort of like Ben Stein with his not-really-free free credit report bullshit. If that doesnâ€™t creep you out, how about the fact that she’s offering you the opportunity to become a professional hypnotherapist by taking part in her â€œHypnosis Certification Training Courseâ€ October 12th-18th? Tuition is a mere $2,000! (You can raise the funds by selling your gold to her.)
For more info on Sylvia Brownes tour dates, go to her website. Or better yet, forget everything you know about reality, throw your money out the window, ignore your family and slip into depression. You get the same results and you donâ€™t have to leave your home.
So who’s the headliner of this fiasco?
In all fairness, I have heard that the Sylvia Browne Dancers are quite good.
“Run for your lives cuz she just wonâ€™t die! ”
After all there’s so little money in talking to dead people if you’re both on the other side.
She was recently spotted in Italy. I took pictures.
LOL! Did you get a reading?
Montel really needs an Enviroslap(TM) upside the head
I’m getting that cartoon tattooed on my ass.
@Sam Ogden: Yes, I hear the grand finale “Going Through the Alphabet” is just stunning. Can I get an N, does anyone have an N, it can stand for anything… Catchy as all get out.
Is it just me or does anyone else see psycho Sylvia pouring over news articles about the economy and rubbing her claws together like Montgomery Burns “Excellent…”
I’m not sure, but don’t you need about the world’s largest ass to fit their heads in frame?
IOW, I’m not so sure it’ll work…
that picture is brilliant, what an awful woman. Zombies… how did they deal with them in Shaun of the Dead? ….actually no…. then she would channel through John Edward….
I officially endorse anyone willing to get my Sylvia/Montel zombie cartoon tattooed on their ass.
Actually the Sylvia tattoo on the ass is a great idea! One of the problems with pop-culture references as permanent body art is that the meaning fades.
But even if that happened, the words “Sylvia who?” would be so damn satisfying.
@Rebecca: Isn’t one asshole per person enough? And is it something Sid wants to see when you are…well…er….ummm…how can I put this delicately…fucking doggie style?
Sid would not notice it because all he sees is love. Awwww…. newlyweds. :)
@Amy: I hesitate to say it but even love has it limits – and any sort of image of Sylvia Browne while doing the deed is kind of pushing it. A distrantion to prolong the moment is one thing but that face would be a mood killer.
We at the Zombie Anti Defamation League would like it know that we disown any connection, implied or stated, with Sylvia Browne and do assert most emphatically that she is not a Zombie, but a Ghoul.
You must log in to post a comment.