Afternoon Inquisition

Afternoon Inquisition 3.31

I generally steer clear of the skeptical based questions for my Tuesday AIs.  The reason is twofold: 1) My fellow bloggers do a killer job making sure we flex our skeptic muscles frequently, and 2) I feel like ‘skeptic’ is only one facet of a personality, and it’s important to see what other goodies are in one’s online self.

Mostly though, I see this community as home, and I want to know who’s got their feet up on my metaphorical couch.  If you had your feet up on my real couch, I’d probably do this with a never-ending parade/trivia test of movie quotes– seeing which movies we have in common is a shorthand way to see why we get along.  But since the quote I was going to lay on y’all today turns out to be easily IMDB-able*, instead I’m asking:

Hit me with your favorite movie or book quotes; or song lyrics.  What best describes your mood today?

*Try guessing before you click, but here’s the quote I was thinking of this morning:  “I’ve never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick. I-I’ve never seen that.


A B Kovacs is the Director of Døøm at Empty Set Entertainment, a publishing company she co-founded with critical thinker and fiction author Scott Sigler. She considers herself a “Creative Adjacent” — helping creative people be more productive and prolific by managing the logistics of Making for the masses. She's a science nerd, a rabid movie geek, and an unrepentantly voracious reader. She doesn't like chocolate all that much.

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  1. “I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.”

  2. Bit of a dark mood today. Got up too early.

    “That’s right, we’re talkin’ about the good life
    in the foodchain
    love among the ruins
    i guess that you’ve finally got to accept
    that there’s nothing you can do about it
    it’s kind of like carving the turkey
    it’s kind of like mowing the lawn:
    everything gets to this certain dimension
    winds up on a customer’s plate and then gone”

    Tonio K.

  3. “I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that. “

  4. “The cruelest lies are often told without a word, the kindest truths are often spoken, never heard.” –Ben Folds Five, “The Last Polka”

    “On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.”
    “A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don’t do one.”
    –Fight Club

    “I was flying into Chicago at night, watching the lake turn the sky into blue-green smoke; the sun was setting to the left of the plane, and the cabin was filled with an unearthly glow.” –Liz Phair, “Stratford-on-Guy”

  5. This is more in resonce to the last two weeks in which it was one bit of bad news after another. When life get’s that way the best quote that describes how I feel is from the David Mamet film State and Main. “So that happened.”

  6. Yay! The ‘Burbs! Yay! I use that quote ALL the time… whether it is relevant or not…

    All of my regularly used quotes are from Star Wars or Clerks or Metalocalypse… “Brutal.”

  7. @teambanzai:

    Love _State and Main_. My favorite quote (although it has nothing to with the topic at hand) “It’s not a lie. It’s a gift for fiction.”

  8. “What we have here, is a failure to communicate.” – Captian “Cool Hand Luke”

    this is my life’s experience at my place of employment.; between people, and more often between groups and departments.

  9. “I don’t give a damn bout my reputation
    I’ve never been afraid of any deviation
    And I don’t really care
    If you think I’m strange
    I ain’t gonna change
    An I’m never gonna care
    bout my bad reputation”

  10. “It’s not my goddamn planet! Understand, monkeyboy?”

    “So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your Uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record.”

    “Listen, this old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn’t even turn on the kitchen tap without filling out a 27b/6… Bloody paperwork. ”

    “Right. Thanks. What if, uh, Mr. Thacker realized that he had been a daft prick and got down on his knees and begged you to reconsider… if you would… indeed… reconsider.”

  11. From ‘Snow Crash’, by Neal Stephenson, “Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad. Hiro used to feel this way, too, but then he ran into Raven. In a way, this was liberating. He no longer has to worry about being the baddest motherfucker in the world. The position is taken.”

  12. Favorite movie quotes would be hard to pick and is dependent on my mood and the situation.

    “It is fate. But call it Italy if pleases you Vicar.”
    “So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There’s more to life than a little money, you know. Don’tcha know that? And here ya are, and it’s a beautiful day. Well. I just don’t understand it.”
    “Home again, home again, jiggidy-jig! Gooood Evening, J.F!”

    @sowellfan: Love that quote. Stephenson touches on and explores the being bad martial arts theme in his new book Anatham.

  13. Well, just found another Stephenson quote that I had to add – from ‘Cryptonomicon’. Given the subject matter, I think it fits with Skepchick…

    “Let’s set the existence-of-god issue aside for a later volume, and just stipulate that in some way, self-replicating organisms came into existence on this planet and immediately began trying to get rid of each other, either by spamming their environments with rough copies of themselves, or by more direct means which hardly need to be belabored. Most of them failed, and their genetic legacy was erased from the universe forever, but a few found some way to survive and to propagate. After about three billion years of this sometimes zany, frequently tedious fugue of carnality and carnage, Godfrey Waterhouse IV was born, in Murdo, South Dakota, to Blanche, the wife of a Congregational preacher named Bunyan Waterhouse. Like every other creature on the face of the earth, Godfrey was, by birthright, a stupendous badass, albeit in the somewhat narrow technical sense that he could trace his ancestry back up a long line of slightly less highly evolved stupendous badasses to that first self-replicating gizmo–which, given the number and variety of its descendants, might justifiably be described as the most stupendous badass of all time. Everyone and everything that wasn’t a stupendous badass was dead.”

    BTW – Anathem *was* a great book. I think it’s about time for a 2nd reading…

  14. Well, I just got back to the office from having my photo taken with some of the other locals for an article on the Dallas/Fort Worth COR Billboard, so the skeptic side is strongly in effect. Therefore the (bit long but) well delivered lunacy from the great Peter O’Toole in The Ruling Class came to mind:

    Lady Claire: It’s fascinating. How do you know you’re God?
    Jack Gurney: Simple. When I pray to Him, I find I’m talking to myself.
    LC: I see. Well, how did it happen? How did you come to be in this state of grace?
    JG: Like every prophet, I saw visions, heard voices, I ran. … The voices of St. Francis, Socrates, General Gordon and Timothy O’Leary… all told me I was God.
    JG: It was Sunday, August 25, at 3:32. [colourful description elided]
    LC: Where did all this happen?
    JG: East Acton, outside the public urinal.

    A more oft-used quote I like, though, is from a much more recent movie (though I usually abbreviate it to just a very small snippet):

    Emperor Joseph II: … Too many notes

  15. “I won’t tell you that I love you, kiss or hug you, ’cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin”-The great poet, Lady Ga Ga

    That song has been stuck in my head all friggen’ day, so I decided on that profound statement above all the other great words by great people I have floating around my neurons.

  16. hmmm…where to begin…
    from the inimitable coen brothers:
    “Osbourne Cox? I thought you might be worried… about the security… of your shit.”
    “We thought you was a toad!”

    from The English Patient (the book)
    “We die containing a richness of lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have plunged into and swum up as if rivers of wisdom, characters we have climbed into as if trees, fears we have hidden in as if caves.

    I wish for all this to be marked on by body when I am dead. I believe in such cartography – to be marked by nature, not just to label ourselves on a map like the names of rich men and women on buildings. We are communal histories, communal books. We are not owned or monogamous in our taste or experience. ”

    and what kind of fan girl would i be if i neglected to include some neil gaiman?

    “Chicago happened slowly, like a migraine.”

    what a great line.

  17. “The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds, given adequate vacuuming systems.”

    [This is especially nice to randomly drop into work conversations. Everyone just goes quiet.]
    “So I got that going for me. Which is nice.”

    And one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite authors, Jane Austen:
    “I do not wish people to be too agreeable as it saves me the trouble of liking them.”

  18. @sowellfan: I finished Anathem week before last and I’m having problems with my current book being a bit of a let down after such a great read.

  19. Guess I’ll be the one to bring out this old gem:

    “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

  20. “It was fast becoming one of those days when it just wasn’t a lot of fun to be me: thug attacks, pressbots, a highly advanced android killing machine, a jealous girlfriend and now an ominously hulking figure in little girl drag at my front door. Add a trip to the proctologist and a visit from the World Tax Service and this would officially be one of the three worst days of my life.”
    ~Zachary Nixon Johnson in “The Plutonium Blonde” by John Zakour and Lawrence Ganem

    “Hangin’s too good for ‘im! Burnin’s too good for ‘im! He should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive!”
    ~Hanover Fiske in “Heavy Metal”

  21. “In order to understand Life, you must fuck Death . . . in the gall bladder.”

    I just saw this movie for the first time a couple of days ago. Can’t get that line out of my head. It may not be a personal motto or anything, but it’s certainly memorable.

  22. “You ever notice how all your shit is stuff and everyone else’s stuff is shit?”

    – George Carlin

  23. “You call yourself the Moral Majority
    We call ourselves the people in the real world
    Trying to rub us out, but we’re going to survive
    God must be dead if you’re alive

    You say, ‘God loves you. Come and buy the Good News’
    Then you buy the president and swimming pools
    If Jesus don’t save ’til we’re lining your pockets
    God must be dead if you’re alive

    Circus-tent con-men and Southern belle bunnies
    Milk your emotions then they steal your money
    It’s the new dark ages with the fascists toting bibles
    Cheap nostalgia for the Salem Witch Trials

    Stodgy ayatollahs in their dobble-knit ties
    Burn lots of books so they can feed you their lies
    Masturbating with a flag and a bible
    God must be dead if you’re alive

    You don’t want abortions, you want battered children
    You want to ban the pill as if that solves the problem
    Now you wanna force us to pray in school
    God must be dead if you’re such a fool”

  24. “What say you? It is useless? Ay, I know
    But who fights ever hoping for success?
    I fought for lost cause, and for fruitless quest!
    You there, who are you! — You are thousands! Ah!
    I know you now, old enemies of mine!
    Have at you! Ha! and Compromise!
    Prejudice, Treachery! …
    Surrender, I?
    Parley? No, never! You too, Folly, — you?
    I know that you will lay me low at last;
    Let be! Yet I fall fighting, fighting still!”

  25. BEDEVERE: “How do know so much about swallows?”
    ARTHUR: “Well, you have to know these things when you’re a king, you know.”

  26. “You can’t see the eyes of the demon…til he come callin’ from the other side” – King Willy, Predator 2

    Oh, and anything Hudson(Bill Paxton) says in Aliens.

  27. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
    mother, mother fuck,
    mother fuck, fuck, fuck
    mother fuck, mother fuck
    nonche, nonche, nonche,
    smoking weed, doing crack, drink beers,
    drinking beers, beers, beers, beers, beers.

    Jay from Jay and Silent Bob Strick Back

  28. In archery we have something like the way of the superior man. When the archer misses the center of the target, he turns round and seeks for the cause of his failure in himself.


  29. “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”


    “You’re going the wrong way!”
    “Oh, he’s drunk. How would he know where we’re going?”

  30. My two favorite lines:

    Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This… is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

    I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT! I have weekends off, and I am my own boss.

  31. “Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country. “

  32. @carr2d2: “Osbourne Cox? I thought you might be worried… about the security… of your shit.”

    Haaaaaa! I loved that movie. I don’t care what anyone says.

  33. “credulous at best
    your desire to believe in
    angels in the hearts of men
    pull your head on out
    your hippy haze and give a listen
    shouldn’t have to say it all again
    the universe is hostile
    so impersonal
    devour to survive
    so it is
    so it’s always been”

  34. Private Joker: How can you shoot women or children?
    Door Gunner: Easy! Ya just don’t lead ’em so much! Ain’t war hell?

    The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.

    Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

  35. Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.

    The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.

    Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

  36. Air Traffic Controller: “Turn on the landing lights.”
    Rex kramer: “No… that’s just what they’ll be expecting us to do!”

  37. @James Fox: Anathem is the first book in a very long time where I went to sleep at night just so I could wake up the next day and read more.

    Some favorite quotes:
    “I don’t want the world, I just want your half.”
    “Ah, this is obviously some new use of the word ________ that I am not familiar with.”
    “What in the wide wide world of sports is a goin’ on here?”

  38. They’re in it with the aliens,
    they’re building landing strips
    for gay martians!

    I swear to god stuart!

  39. prostrate in front of all skepchickers for not reading all above, but here we go….

    )paraphrased) ( hic)

    Ripley , Aliens: “You can fucking bill me.”

    @James Garner in Barbarians at the gate: “Now I know what the “F” in F. Ross Johnson stands for”(Last intelligent thing to ever to come out of Fred Thompsons mouth).

    After a long explanation in some vampire movie about why James Woods’s character doesnt need help from a rookie priest:

    “Fuck you”

    And without reading the above comments, where I am sure it is mentioned…..

    Rutger Hauer in the directors cut of the best sci-fi movie ever made: …I have seen warships burning off the shoulder of Orion….

  40. Drinking to yesterday’s news.
    I’m sorry I was late, I was so blue.
    Oh, my hand hurts from holding your hand.
    And I’m young but it’s hard to believe,
    That someday I will never see you again.
    And you might not believe this ,
    but you’ve changed me so much.
    But baby (baby), it’s so hard leaving you.
    And maybe (maybe) this was the only, the only way.
    Yeah, yeah.
    But baby (baby), it’s so hard leaving you.
    And maybe (maybe) this was the only, the only way.
    Yeah, yeah.
    But baby (baby), it’s so hard leaving you.
    And maybe (maybe) this was the only, the only way.
    Yeah, yeah.
    ‘Cause someday I will never see you again.

    Hello by Tegan and Sara

  41. With great power comes great responsibility. Stan Lee from the spiderman comic books.

    Strange visitor from the planet krypton,
    fights his never ending battle for truth, justice and the American way.

    From the 50’s TV show.

    “Is she so hot that you would crawl through a mile of broken glass to suck the dick of the last man to fuck her.?” The navy recuiter who signed me up.

  42. Treason is a word that was invented by the winners as an excuse for hanging the losers.

    Ben Franklin

    Heresy is defined by which end of the sword you’re at.

    Beowulf in Grendel, Grendel, Grendel

    That would be like locking the barn doors after the horses have eaten your children.

    Van Helsing in Saturday the 14th

    All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

    Reg in Life of Brian

  43. When a man’s partner is killed, he’s supposed to do something about it. It doesn’t make any difference what you thought of him. He was your partner and you’re supposed to do something about it. And it happens we’re in the detective business. Well, when one of your organization gets killed, it’s-it’s bad business to let the killer get away with it, bad all around, bad for every detective everywhere.

    Sam Spade. The Maltese Falcon.

  44. Your fault, my fault, nobody’s fault, I’m gonna blow your head off. No matter who gets killed, no matter who gets shot, I’m gonna blow your head off.

    John Wayne in Big Jake.

  45. Even a man who is pure of heart
    and says his prayers at night
    may become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms
    and the autumn moon is bright.

    Bela the gypsy in the Wolf Man starring Lon Channey Jr.

  46. “The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”

    “Really? We were taught to slide the knife up under the rib cage.”

    Lella. Dr. Who.

  47. Conspiracy Theory: “I’m only paranoid because they want me dead.”

    Hot Shots: “I’ve fallen for you like a blind roofer.”

    Dogma: “Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.”

  48. One of my sons is a werewolf. The other is the lead singer in a rock-n-roll band. When the moon is full, I can’t tell them apart…Go ahead, try to be a mother these days!

    old gypsy woman

  49. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You must be Igor.
    [He pronounces it ee-gor]
    Igor: No, it’s pronounced “eye-gor.”
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But they told me it was “ee-gor.”
    Igor: Well, they were wrong then, weren’t they?
    from Young Frankenstein

    Why don’t you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don’t you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don’t you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
    from Kelly’s Heroes

  50. Christ is coming
    And so am I
    You would too if this sexy devil caught your eye…
    …Jesus is risen
    It’s no surprise
    Even he would martyr his momma to ride to hell between those thighs. – Rev 22:20 by Puscifer

    From Brazil
    “Don’t you want to see my ID? I mean I could be anybody.”
    “Oh, no you couldn’t sir.”

    @Gabrielbrawley: “Is she so hot that you would crawl through a mile of broken glass to suck the dick of the last man to fuck her.?”
    That is awesome. No wonder you signed up.

  51. In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his recievers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy’s defensive line.

    In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! “I hope I’ll be safe at home!”

    George Carlin

  52. Never forget I am not this silver body, Mahrai. I am not an animal brain, I am not some attempt to produce an AI through software running on a computer. I am a Culture Mind. We are close to gods, and on the far side.

    From Look to Windward by Iain M Banks. Its worth noting that the character quoted is an extremely sophisticated AI and its overweening esteem of its own abilities is entirely justified.

    My other favourite line is a true classic:

    Ha ha, you fool! You’ve fallen victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well known is this: Never go in agaisnt a Sicilian when death is on the line!

  53. V: [Evey pulls out her mace] I can assure you I mean you no harm.
    Evey Hammond: Who are you?
    V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask.
    Evey Hammond: Well I can see that.
    V: Of course you can. I’m not questioning your powers of observation I’m merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
    Evey Hammond: Oh. Right.
    V: But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace sobriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona.
    V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
    [carves V into poster on wall]
    V: The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
    V: Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.
    Evey Hammond: Are you like a crazy person?
    V: I am quite sure they will say so. But to whom, might I ask, am I speaking with?
    Evey Hammond: I’m Evey.
    V: Evey? E-V. Of course you are.
    Evey Hammond: What does that mean?
    V: It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and I don’t believe in coincidences.

    I feel… V-ed ;)

  54. “It could be worse.”


    “It could be raining.”

    [Huge thunder clap, follow by deluge.]

  55. @spacepope: Young Frankenstein! :-D
    “Walk this way.”

    “I picked a bad day to quit smoking.”
    …quit sniffing glue.
    …quit smoking drinking.
    …quit snorting coke.’

    Ian Banks Culture novels! Minds! :-D

  56. @QuestionAuthority: My favorite line from that movie is: “We need to get these people to a hospital!

    A Hospital? What is it?

    It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”

    Airplane has so many great lines in it. Other than that, some of my favorite lines are:

    “Now I feel bad. Bad Llama.”
    The Emporer’s New Groove

    “indistinguishable blather………GET THE BUNNY!”

    Is it bad that I’m a grown ass man who watches cartoon movies?

  57. @Ido Hadi:

    I ended up liking that exchange too, but it worried me at first that the movie was going to make V some kind of gimmicky character who always spoke in alliteration.

    Two of my favorites from Alan Moore’s original dialogue are:

    “Thank you…but I’d rather die behind the chemical sheds.”


    Evey: I want to help you, V. I want to do something. I won’t get in the way, I promise. Can I, V? Can we make a deal?

    V: If you like. I think I know a way that you could help me. Very soon. Very soon indeed. Yes, I think that we can make a deal.

    Evey: Good. That’s that then. Right. V, you said that “V.V.V.V.V. thing was a quote. Who said it in the first place?

    V: Nobody you’d have heard of. A German gentleman named Dr. John Faust.
    He made a deal, too.

    And since I’m quoting Alan Moore:

    He has forgotten the curious hurts and joys of humanity.

    He has forgotten the warmth of bodies locked in love, forgotten the painful beauty of children…

    He has forgotten the primal terror that hides in the heart of the lightning, of the thunder.

    He should not have forgotten the thunder.
    –Alan Moore, “Marvelman”

  58. @infinitemonkey: I have the full DVD collection of the Animaniacs. I’m right there with you!

    If people knew how much of Airplane was reflecting the warped world of the airlines, they’d quit flying.

    “What do you make of this weather?”

    “Oooh! I can make a brooch, a hair bow, a pteradactyl…” :-D

  59. @QuestionAuthority: Funny story-I was on break at my job. One of the managers was back there, and she asked, on her walkie, what the front end looked like. I responded with “Well, there are these registers, and they have lights above them…” “I wasn’t talking to you.”

    BTW, I have animaniacs S1.

  60. “You say that word a lot. I do not think it means what you think it means”
    “Am I going mad or did the word “think” escape your lips?”
    – from The Princess Bride
    “What a prick”
    -from Spaced
    Actually, anything from Spaced. I quote it daily!

  61. I don’t believe in hell. I believe in unemployment.
    -Michael Dorsey Tootsie

    Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
    -Terry Pratchett

    Whatever it is, I’m against it.
    -Groucho Marx

    That’s why it’s always worth having a few philosophers around the place. One minute it’s all Is Truth Beauty and Is Beauty Truth, and Does a Falling Tree in the Forest Make a Sound if There’s No one There to Hear It, and then just when you think they’re going to start dribbling one of ’em says, Incidentally, putting a thirty-foot parabolic reflector on a high place to shoot the rays of the sun at an enemy’s ships would be a very interesting demonstration of the optical principles.
    -Terry Pratchett Small Gods

    Do not show fear. This is me without fear… and a 62 pound hall pass.
    -Dib, Invader Zim: Dark Harvest

    That is not a supernatural cow!
    -Dib, Invader Zim: Career Day

    You’re one of those skeptics, aren’t you, always questioning!
    -Bill the Paranormal Investigator, Invader Zim: Career Day

    The internet is a hovel for Goth journals and winkie enlargers. It’s evil, wierd, and scary.
    -Karl, Bear by Jamie Smart

    Can you imagine the scene if someone were to write a “book of acts” detailing the spiritual triumphs of [Rick] Warren’s Saddleback Church? Pastor Warren hears that the sinners of some local suburb have repented and received the gospel. So the Apostle Rick journeys there to place the seal of the Spirit upon them. He prays over them and lays hands on them, whereupon they are filled with the Spirit and speak boldly, “Why, now I have the gift of administration! I can run a committee, praise God!”
    -Dr. Robert M. Price, The Reason Driven Life

    Good, Bad, I’m the guy with the gun.
    -Ash, Army of Darkness (alternate version: I’m not that good.)

    Life is pain. Anyone who tells you different is selling something – Westley, The Princess Bride

    The Lyrics to The Circus by Tom Waits

    Should we take a cab home, Jesus?
    Shit man we can huff it from here
    I know you can walk on water
    But can you walk on this much beer
    – Mojo Nixon, Are You Drinking with Me, Jesus

    There are others, I just can’t think of them at this time.

  62. The Irish came to America, one nineteenth century immigrant observed, think the streets would be paved with gold.

    Weel, when we got here, we found that they not only weren’t paved with gold, they weren’t paved at all.

    Furthermore, we were expected to pave them…

    The Irish…and how they got that way

  63. “There is nothing–absolutely nothing – half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.”

  64. “My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives” – Blazing Saddles

    “Bad news. The fog’s getting thicker. ”
    “And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger. ” – Airplane

    “And of course, with the birth of the artist came the inevitable afterbirth… the critic.” – History of the World Part 1

  65. “Does it bother you when I talk about making love, since you’ll never be able to do it?”
    “No, I find it interesting. Does it bother you when I talk about going to Heaven?”

  66. Ooh. Lot’s of good ones up there, but not my favourites. I’ll try to limit myself to my absolute favs.

    the State of the Art
    Iain M. Banks

    What’s one more meaningless act of violence on that zoo of a planet?[earth] It would be appropriate.
    When in Rome; burn it.

    The system of the the World
    Neal Stephenson

    The light shone on a face imprinted with more odd and unwholesome tales than a warehouse full of Bibles.

    Terry Pratchett – Hogfather

    ‘Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little-‘
    ‘So we can believe the big ones?”
    ‘They’re not the same at all!’
    ‘Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the point-‘
    She tried to assemble her thoughts.
    ‘Yes, but people don’t think about that,’ said Susan. Somewhere there was a bed . . .
    ‘You make us sound mad,’ said Susan. A nice warm bed . . .

  67. Tom Wait’s bedtime story ending with him laughingly saying:

    Okay, there’s your story!

  68. “I hope I never do anything to embarrass myself or my family. Or my other family…”

    Deep Thoughts, JackHandy

  69. Centurion: Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It’s a slow, horrible death.
    Matthias: Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.
    Centurion: You’re weird!

  70. Siouxsie and the Banshees
    Placebo Effect:

    You dip your hands into my flesh
    And say you won’t reveal a scar
    I must have faith in this procedure
    It’s a miracle-It’s a wonder

    A thousand hidden needles
    In a thousand covered nerves
    Stick pins in my receptacles
    Look to your Voodoo doll-your mojo

    Staying alive at five
    For you to cure my ailments
    Another soul is saved
    With your bogus medications

    What colour shall we have today?
    Depends on how you feel I say
    Consult your research on the media
    See blue will calm my hysteria

  71. @bjornar: Now I remember why Terry Pratchett’s character “Death” is one of my favorites…

  72. Oh its fine to charter an accountant and sail the
    wide accontancies.

    From the theme song to the Crimson Permanent Assurance.

  73. Just to make it an even 100

    The following tale of alien encounters is true…and by true, I mean false. It’s all lies. But they’re entertaining lies, and in the end isn’t that the real truth? The answer…is no.

  74. – Laugh while you can, a-monkey-boy!

    – ‘Now I got the gun – you got the brew
    You got two choices of what you can do
    It’s not a tough decision as you can see
    I can blow you away or you can ride with me’

    – now what would you have me do
    I ask you please?
    I wait to hear
    your voice,
    the word,
    you say.
    I wait to see your sign
    would I

    – The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed

    – I thought I could organize freedom
    How Scandinavian of me

  75. The woods are lovely
    Dark and deep
    But I have promises to keep
    And miles to go before I sleep
    And miles to go beore I sleep

    Robert Frost
    Stopping by woods on a snowy evening.

  76. Two paths divereged in a yellow wood
    and I, I took the one less traveled by
    and that has made all the difference

  77. Dear Penthouse,

    I’ve always thought your letters were made up but you will never believe what happened to me…

  78. “This boy grew up in a time of killin’ and dyin’, and he never turned his back on his family or his kind. I rode with him. I got no complaints.”

    “Now, when the going gets tough, and it looks like you aint gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plum mad dog mean. ‘Cause if you panic and you lose your head, you neither win nor live. That’s just the way it is.”

    “That’s true. I aint promisin’ nothin’ extra. I’m just sayin’ men can live together without butcherin’ one another.”

    Josey Wales

    (BTW, pretty much the whole dialog with Ten Bears could fit here.)

  79. @Sam Ogden: Great movie. You forgot:

    Josie: It seems like anytime I get to like someone they ain’t around very long.

    Lone Watie: I notice anytime you get to dis-like someone they ain’t around very long neither.

    Lone Watie: Get ready little lady. Hell is comin to beakfast.

    Lone Watie: Good thing you stopped me. I might’ve killed ‘er.

  80. good grief, I forgot:

    Lone Watie: I didn’t surrender, but they took my horse and made him surrender. They have him pulling a wagon up in Kansas I bet.

  81. From Jeremiah Johnson, found attached to a man frozen to a tree

    “I, Hatchett Jack, being of sound mind and broke legs, hereby leave my bear rifle to whoever finds it.

    God hope it be a white man.

    It’s a good rifle, and kilt the bear that kilt me. Anyway, I am dead.
    Yours truly,
    Hatchett Jack”

    Later, from Bear Claw

    “That Hatchett Jack was a wild one. He once spent two years up in the Muscle Shell living in a cave with a female panther. She never did get used to him.”

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