Afternoon Inquisition, 3.27

Hey kids! It’s Friday and I feel like having a little fun. Let’s lighten things up, shall we?

What fictional character would you like to be? Who would be your sidekick? Who would be your nemesis?


Maria D'Souza grew up in different countries around the world, including Hong Kong, Trinidad, and Kenya and it shows. She currently lives in the Bay Area and has an unhealthy affection for science fiction, Neil Gaiman and all things Muppet.

Related Articles


  1. I would be Jesus. Don McLeroy would be my sidekick, more for comic relief. He could call himself the Quote Miner, and he’d have some quirky catch phrase like “Bats … have hardly changed in basic body plan in the ensuing 40 million years.”

    Our nemesis: a science classroom. I’d stand back and what him wail on science teachers with a bible and slap tactics, all the while shaking my head in disbelief. Then I’d sentence him to an eternity in hell, then go to Starbucks.

  2. Condor Man and I would right wrongs and fight evil with the amazing Laser Lady. But since Condor Man is a lovable screw up, Laser Lady would be the true crime fighter. I would mostly bungle things and get in her way.


  3. Ben Stein, and I would write wrongs with my sidekick Ken Ham. But since Jeezus is already straitening things out in the science classroom, I would be deep in the heart of science labs, messin wit ur bakteriaz.

  4. Well, I make my own fictional characters, but if I were to choose one, possibly the son of the $6 Million Man. I’ve seen the movies, and he’s so much cooler than his predicessor. My sidekick…maybe Jo Lupo, a female version of John Wayne Toilet Paper-Tough as nails, and doesn’t take crap off anyone.

  5. Seriously, I’d want to be a Green Lantern. To have a power that is limited only by my imagination and will; with the benefit of dealing with the whole cosmos and its varied races always made the space geek in me go, “Where do I sogn up?!”

  6. Really though, I have always always always wanted to be the Hulk. I’d even be fine with Grey Hulk rather than just Green. I would love to let my rage just….rage sometimes.

    Pff. Who needs a sidekick if you are the Hulk?

  7. The Greatest American Hero, all the powers of Superman and more, plus no requirement to be so wishy washy. Superman is after all an over grown boy scout. Not sure if I want the grumpy FBI agent side kick though.

  8. MiddleMan: Green Lantern is an excellent pick!

    Personally, I’d like to be Cthulhu. I’d team up with Jesus or Herbert West…anyone who can raise the dead would do. Together, we’d fight to take away humanity’s ability to kill themselves and each other. (Cthulhu likes to save those things for personal amusement.) The side kick’s job is to make sure no one escapes my “lessons”.

  9. Marty McFly, and I don’t care if I’m a girl. Doc would be my sidekick, OF COURSE.

    OMG I so am going to be watching Back to the Future I, II … and maybe III all weekend now lmao.

  10. I would like to be Maggie “The Cat” Pollitt, my sidekick a jar of Paul Newman’s pasta sauce, and my nemesis would be ‘no neck monsters.’

  11. I’d be the Dread Pirate Roberts and my sidekick would be Doctor Who. Because a pirate with a pet timelord would be made of twelve kinds of awesome.

  12. I would be that one redshirt that managed to survive Kirk for the entire 5 year mission, my sidekick would be a wise-cracking pan-dimensional brain in a vat (that only I can see, of course), and my nemesis would be a purple squid on Arcturus 7, who murdered my true love during a particularly rowdy game of human chess.

  13. Buffy
    with sidekicks the Scooby Gang, Giles, Angel and Spike (yes – both of them – they’re hilarious when they fight over me).
    My nemesis – I’m thinking that with all the problems they’re having at Boston Latin maybe a new hellmouth has been opened under the principal’s office by some evil vampire who wants to…… you know the rest.

  14. Samantha Carter from Stargate SG1.
    I’d be smart, hot, and get to kiss Jack O’Neill a lot…
    if this little exercise allows
    me to be this fictional character in all of the myriad alternate universes that is.

    Or maybe Puck.

  15. Boson, Higgs Boson. My sidekick GraviTony is here somewhere…
    Nemesis: the brain of Jenny McCarthy, also a theoretical unknown.

  16. I’d like to be any un-circumcised male… oh, no wait, that’s another thread here.

    Seriously, a Cirque Du Soleil-quality acrobat *and* myself. Would it not be ultimately cool to be able to do some extraordinary but within the bounds of human capacity physical skill without having to devote a huge portion of your life to perfecting that skill?

    Otherwise, just Admiral Nelson, a skilled and hard-headed SOB. (Hornblower for sidekick, but he’s secretly ambitious!)

  17. I’ve changed my mind, I wanna be Mustrum Ridcully. Sidekick: the bursar. Nemesis: I have no nemesis cause I’m a freakin’ wizard. I’d just turn him into a newt. That is if I ever get around to it.

    @weatherwax: I would’ve almost expected someone calling themselves weatherwax would’ve gone with Esmeralda, but to each their own.

  18. Yay! I got comment number 42! I wouldn’t mind being Zaphod either. “If there’s anything more important than my ego, I want it found and shot.”

  19. The Prince of All Cosmos.

    My sidekick is the entire universe, in a convenient spherical package.

    Slightly more serious but still not serious answer: Deadpool.

  20. I would be Henry Clerval, my sidekick would be Quincey Morris, and my nemesis would be Hollywood filmmakers who adapt classic novels into screenplays. Together, we fight crimes against literature.

  21. @killyosaur42:
    You’d choose the Bursar instead of the Librarian or Ponder Stibbons as your sidekick?!! Make sure you stock up on Dried Frog Pills.

    If I can’t be Buffy, I’d like to be Susan Sto Helit, my sidekicks the Death of Rats and the Raven, and my nemises all the things that exist because people believe in them – not because they’re true. I’d like to be able to TALK LIKE THIS, walk thru walls and riding Binky would be pretty cool.

    BTW – Does anyone else think that Terry should pair up Susan and Ponder? Potential for some interesting situations/conversations there I think.

  22. @Masala Skeptic: I knew you were a woman of class the moment I met you.

    But tonight I’m wishing I was someone with four wheel drive, because my nemesis was deep sand. Fortunantly, my sidekick is a shovel, and forty minutes of digging later, and was still stuck fast. Then my other sidekick, man with truck and rope, arrived. Happy ending.

  23. Ooh, I want in on this. I’d be B.A. Baracus, and my job would be pitying people; mainly fools. My sidekick would be Mace Windu, who would let me use his sweet-ass purple lightsaber from time to time. Our nemesis would obviously have to be someone really tough…Dr. Claw comes to mind.

    Oh, the adventures we’d have. There’d probably be attempted jibba jabba, but I’d simply not tolerate any of it. Also, we’d celebrate victories with tasty treats from my Flavorwave Oven.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Back to top button
%d bloggers like this: