Random AsidesSkepticism

World’s Laziest Blogger Checking In

Well, once again I have managed to retain my crown as the world’s laziest blogger. Aside from the Afternoon Inquisitions, it’s been several weeks since I wrote anything worth posting here, confirming that among semi-sober, semi-coherent slackers, I reign supreme.

Actually, I’m just kidding. I haven’t really been all that lazy. It’s just been a rough month, and I simply haven’t had time to post much. I had a forced vacation from all things electronical due to Hurricane Ike. And because of my hurrication, I now have some crazy deadlines at my day job. Plus, I’m trying to maintain a social life, as well as a regular workout schedule. So the time I used to spend staring off into space blinking (in other words, the time I used to spend posting on Skepchick) has been greatly reduced.

The good news is, there are a million things going on right now that I can write about. The bad news is, they are all bad, and I don’t know if I want to write about them.

There are too many awful things transpiring in the world right now for my taste. It’s so bad that I can’t rid myself of this crazy image of those folks who believe we’re in the end-times in orgasmic bliss. They’re all happily writhing in their own self-satisfied Armageddon wet spots. And to be honest, if it weren’t for some good whiskey and some righteous tunes to see me through, I might just be lobbying old Jesus Christ to rapture us the hell out of here myself.

I mean, think about it. What have we got to comfort us right now?

There’s a ghost-white little swamp troll trying to keep Linc from the Mod Squad from becoming president. I swear, lately John McCain seems more and more like Gollum, endlessly plotting and toiling to attain his presshhusss. And to help him in his crazed obsession, he’s cast an Alaskan nut job in the role Shelob.

Our own Elyse took some heat on this very blog for ripping Sarah Palin shortly after Palin was named McCain’s running mate. But my god, that woman may just be pure evil (Palin, not Elyse. Elyse is not pure, and she’s proud of that fact). We already knew of Palin’s views on abortion, and of her creationist ties, and of her witch-hunting pastor. But lately, she has all but publicly put a price on Barrack Obama’s head. And packaged in her nasally, small-town, folksy whine, that’s a creepy new kind of evil.

And when you add stupid to that evil, the sum is not just dangerous. It’s an embarrassment. It’s an embarrassment not only to women, but to all humans. Like the sober person in a co-dependent relationship, even Satan has to make apologies for her.

In addition to the political chaos, the economy is failing on a global scale, which delights the end-timers, like Palin. The bad news for us rational people, however, is that we know life is going to go on, even if it is amid a shit storm that would make even Ma Joad give up and say “fuck it”. So the failing credit system has us worried and confused.

And perhaps even worse, the bad financial situation has had an adverse effect on businesses and academic institutions that would advance the sciences and technology and bring the fruits of that labor into the mainstream. In short, it can set scientific progress back on many levels in a time when we in the U.S. can scarcely afford to have it stall. There’s a real possibility that the technological juggernaut that was turning the ignorant away from superstition on the fastest pace in history could slow, allowing ample time for idle minds to return to prayer and magic.

Plus wars and other violent struggles continue everywhere. Oppression, racism, sexism, illiteracy, and famine are no closer to being eradicated than they’ve ever been. Everything is just a mess.

It’s all so dark and gloomy. I imagine it would suck the life out of anyone who had write about it.

But you know what? That’s what we do. Good or bad, we chronicle the tides of life and how they affect the skeptic. So I’ll go on singing my songs and smiling my smile and posting my posts as often as I can from now on, because even if there is nothing but bad stuff to blog about, another day above ground is always a good day.

And it’s as simple as that.

Sam Ogden

Sam Ogden is a writer, beach bum, and songwriter living in Houston, Texas, but he may be found scratching himself at many points across the globe. Follow him on Twitter @SamOgden

Related Articles


  1. Well its 6:30 in the morning and to avoid thinking to much about my retirement investments and Gov Palin (oh shit and what shit) I’m heading out the door in half an hour to go golfing in the bright cool sun of a brilliant Autumn day in the northwest. While it’s not likely to be the end of the world as we know it, lets all keep our wits and stay rational folks.

  2. Thanks, Sam. Well done.

    I’m already worried about all the bad things you mentioned, of course, so your bringing them up didn’t upset me any more. If anything, the ideas and feelings you expressed made me feel a kind of comaraderie. This foxhole might suck right now, but I’m not the only atheist here.

    Then your last paragraph comes along like the cavalry and actually gives me a little boost. I’ll be singing my songs and smiling my smile right along with you. Nothing Wall Street or Palin can do will conceivably take away my bikes, so while James Fox enjoys the course, I’ll enjoy the trails.

  3. Well said, everyone! I’m glad to join the foxhole with you.

    And remember, that old saying “they are more scared of you than you are of them” applies equally to bears and to fundamentalists.

  4. It’s okay, Sam! Yes, the economic situation looks really, really bad. But, keep in mind that unemployment is still quite low, and egg head economists the world over are scrambling to find a solution. I honestly think we’ve seen almost all of the worst of it. I think the frozen global credit market will begin to thaw, slowly but surely, and things will eventually turn around.

    And there is a silver lining to this dark economic cloud, of course. Gollum and Shelob are the ones being drowned in the downpour, while Linc and, um — who the hell is Joe Biden in this weirdest of cross-genre fanfics, anyway? I say he’s Captain Kirk. Every good fanfic need Kirk — Captain Kirk are riding the waves to victory!

    Of course anything can happen, so it’s still too early to celebrate, but I think we can poke our heads out from under the covers and begin to think about HOW we’ll celebrate when it’s all over.

  5. Hell, I know a few people that are talking about buying gold while their greenbacks are still worth something.

    I don’t think it’s going to be that bad, but I think it will hurt…a lot and for a long time…Like a really, really bad cheap beer and wine hangover. (hurl) I didn’t get a 401k statement this week from my retirement account holder; I got a bill instead.

    I’m more worried about Palin and her rabble-rousing speechifying. I’m starting to wonder if some nutcase is going to take her at her word and try to assassinate Obama. Of course, if someone does, she’ll be all fake-contrite and say that she really didn’t mean that she wanted someone to do that…

    And if Obama manages to win after all this crap, including the distinct possibility of electronic and paper vote tampering, he’s going to have one Hell of a mess on his hands. Not only will the economy be in the tank, but the Republicans will actively obstruct everything he tries to do until the next election so they can say he’s “ineffective.” (For the record, I’m as flourescent white as Moby Dick and I’m voting for Obama. I have the only Obama sign on my street.)

    “If all the economists in the world were laid head to foot, they wouldn’t reach a conclusion.”

    “If you ask three economists the time of day, you’ll get at least four answers.”

  6. Sam, I feel better just having read that. Very nicely done.

    Plus, when I need a good hysterical laugh combined with the willies, I will always remember to think of the crazed fundies “happily writhing in their own self-satisfied Armageddon wet spots.”

    I love a man with a well-turned phrase! Chin up, Sam!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Back to top button