Skepchick Quickies 9.19

Avast, me hearties!  It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day!  Yo ho ho and pass the rum.

Here be me one pirate joke.  Ye may have heard it before but listen or I’ll cut yer throat.  The punchline be after the cut.

A pirate walks into a bar.  The bartender notices that the pirate has a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.  The bartender remarks, “That steering wheel sure looks uncomfortable.” 

The pirate replies, “Arrrrrr, it’s been drivin’ me nuts all day.”


Amanda works in healthcare, is a loudmouthed feminist, and proud supporter of the Oxford comma.

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  1. Here’s a copy of the memo that I sent to the staff today:

    TO: Maties
    FROM: Red Jack Jairus
    RE: Arrr!

    Pipe to! Avast ye lubberly ways for it be International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Though ye be hull down afore the storm, clap on to the ways of the sea dog. Sing ye chanties and dance the hornpipe while ye may for tomorrow ‘twill be business as usual.


  2. The article on the vitamin guy is only about the end of his libel suit against the Guardian newspaper. It appears from the article that he is still selling his magic pills. I don’t think that he will have “fallen” until he is out of business and in prison.

  3. It seems like just yesterday that my crew and I was roasting the chestnuts of scurvy enemies over an open fire for the last International Talk Lie a Pirate Day.

  4. I got me jolly roger belt on (skull and crossbones all around the belt) and me Floggin’ Molly shirt on with the Pirate Lass on the back (because sadly my Alestorm shirt is in the wash).

  5. Am I the only one who thinks it’s a little weird how hard we’re romanticizing piracy? If I board my neighbor’s minivan, kill him and take his wallet, will people want to talk like me?

  6. @LBB: If you have a minivan named the good queen anne, a license from the queen and you are able to do it with style and panache, no, proabaly not.

    But if your minivan’s are both sailing on the open ocean under a square rigged sail. Now that would get people talking.

  7. Arr… I deserve t’ receive the black spot for forgettin’ that today be Talk Like a Pirate Day. I will be listenin’ t’ me vast horde o’ pirate themed heavy metal throughout t’ day t’ make up for that, I be.


  8. @Imrryr: There’s more than just Alestorm? O_O Share titles please! I NEED MORE PIRATE METAL!

    I dunno, do you talk like a movie pirate? When we say talk like a pirate we generally are referring to talking like the fictional sort. It’s like if there was a talk like an Orc day. Yes, there were pirates (and still are), yes they were vicious, violent men (some criminals, some were officially sanctioned by certain nations), but there has and probably will always be something slightly romantic about lawlessness (consider all the mafia films and Western Outlaw films), that generally results in a positive view of pirates and other criminal types.

  9. @LBB & @killyosaur42:

    Hark at I, boyos. Arr, ye be thinkin’ about this too much. Be ye landlubbers, with yer book learnin’? I’ll strap ye to the keel and haul ye through the deep if ye be actin’ like landlubbers on this day! Yarr!

    BTW: I be observin’ ‘Talk Like a Stage West Countryman Day” instead this year, but I not be doin a proper job o’it.

  10. @LBB: I think it’s a little weird that we’re all basically ignoring the content of the quickies so that we can talk like pirate stereotypes instead. Pirates FTW. Yarrr! :)

    @killyosaur42: We should totally start a Talk Like An Orc day. Grunt, grururoelll!

  11. Arrr! Tis’ a day for plunderin’ and wenchin’* and all sorts of acting silly!” Me hopes we don’t get boarded and sunk by the Sketch Police for being excessively silly!

    *What’s the term for female wenching anyway?

  12. Yarr, is it just me, or do all ye blog-reading scurvy dogs hear a pirate’s voice when reading the comments.

  13. @killyosaur42: and @marilove: I get that criminals are fascinating. From The Great Train Robbery in 1903, right up to Firefly, charismatic nogoodniks have been a staple of entertainment. But the eyepatch fetishists take it up a notch. With the exception of rappers who want to be Scarface, I’m not aware of a “Talk Like a Mafia Don” day. Nobody’s pretending to be Dexter for 24 hours. Is it just because Johnny Depp is so much sexier than James Gandolfini?

  14. A man is walking along a pier, and he spots a pirate with a peg leg, a hook, and a patch over one eye.

    “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “how is it that you came to have a peg leg?”

    “Arrrr!” says the pirate, “Me ship came along side an enemy pirate ship. I fired me cannons, the other ship fired back. They struck the yard arm, an’ it came down and crushed me leg.”

    “I see,” said the man. “How is it that you came ot have a hook for a hand?”

    “Arrrr! says the pirate” When the enemy boarded me ship, I drew me rapier, and fought them off. During the battle, one of the enemy pirates sliced off me hand.”

    “I see,” said the man. “And again, if you don’t mind my asking, how is it that you came to have an eye patch?”

    “Arrrr!” says the pirate. “First day with me hook.”

  15. @Peregrine: I heard a slightly different version of that joke when I was a kid.

    “I see,” said the man. “And again, if you don’t mind my asking, how is it that you came to have an eye patch?”

    “Arrrr!” says the pirate. “We pulled into port to unload some booty, and a seagull pooped in me eye.”

    “What?” said the man. “Bird poop wouldn’t make you lose your eye.”

    “Arrrr!” says the pirate. “ It would if it’s your first day with a new hook!”

  16. I shared my thoughts on this holiday with the folks over at Pharyngula earlier, but there may be those who can benefit from my wisdom here… oh, and avast ye lubberly, er… sea-crabs, er… of the sea.

    “Like so many people, I’m not really all that religious. Oh, sure, I wear an eyepatch on High Holy Days and the wife and I had the kids Walk the Plank, but it’s not like we go pillaging twice a week or carry a cutlass everywhere we go. To us, it’s a comforting ritual that makes us feel high and dry.
    On the other hand, any politician who doesn’t at least say “Aargh,” today can kiss my vote goodbye.”

  17. I really need to be more on the ball with these sorts of things … I would have brought my parrot and my eyepatch to work if I had known.

  18. @TheSkepticalMale: I’d venture a guess that it’s so funny because it’s so impolite. Anything that you’re told is dirty at a young age becomes alluring in some way. Hence jokes about poop (and sex) are reliably amusing on some basic level.

    RE: Talk Like A Pirate Day. I thought of some more, if anyone’s curious.

  19. top jokes m’hearties, especially the one with the poop LBB, poop always makes jokes funnier :) and there is no scientific explanation, poop is just funny in general :P

  20. @LBB: Probably the reason, yeah, that and there is the whole pirate meme thing one finds in geek culture, I think it started with Napster, and referring to people who download music as “Pirates”. There was always the fascination but now all you need to do was illegally download a file and you become one. Or something to that effect. ARRR!

    There is also the fact that you can’t get in trouble stereotyping pirate speak whereas it might be viewed as culturally insensitive to talk like a mafia don, or a ninja or something like that.

  21. @Expatria: And due to the fact that I failed to “speak” (write) my last two (three including this one) posts in pirate speak, as well as choosing to continue the intellectual discussion on the possible reasons for why there is an International Talk Like A Pirate Day, I respectfully and dutifully walk the plank.

  22. I wonder if pirates have an international “Talk Like A Skeptic” day? They’d get to walk around going “Actually…”

    Since ooxman posted this on the same day as the COTW came out for last week, can I still nominate it for the next one? I kept giggling at this one for quite a while after I read it. :D

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