Earlier today, Hemant over at FriendlyAtheist.com posted about comedian Doug Stanhope’s new project. For those of you who don’t know who Doug Stanhope is, he’s the less funny of the duo “Doug Stanhope and Joe Rogan” who got The Man Show‘s sloppy seconds after Adam Corolla and Jimmy Kimmel left to have careers. In keeping with his theme of making a career off comedy that’s head-scratchingly unfunny, he started the site Saving Bristol where he is trying to raise $25,000 for Bristol Palin to get an abortion and move out of her parents’ home.
Rather than sit back and impotently bemoan Bristol’s tragic, lonely circumstance, it is time for us – the silent majority – to unite behind this poor, imprisoned woman and save her from both a tyrannical household as well as the horrible nightmare of a forced childbirth.
These are not empty words. I, Doug Stanhope, am offering you, Bristol Palin, the sum of 25,000 dollars so that you can abort your child and move out of that draconian home. I have also set up a PayPal link so that others around the world can help increase this amount to ease the burden of starting out on your own at such an early age.
I’m not sure how to feel about it. It makes me angry, sick, confused, offended, and sad.
Part of me wants to believe that Stanhope really wants to try to help her.Â But I can’t help but be offended at his assumption that she’s being forced into having this child or that she’s making the wrong choice.
My guess is that Bristol won’t take the money.Â It’s doubtful that the only reason she’s choosing to have this child is for her mother’s politcal gain or because she’s being held hostage by Christian parents.Â In fact, it’s doubtful that either of those were even considerations in her decision.
The reality of it is that it would be better for her mother’s career and image if Bristol quietly terminated her pregnancy early. No one would know and Sarah Palin could show off her pristine, beautiful, Christian, abstinent children.Â An unwed pregnant teen in a neo-conservative, fundamentalist Christian household means calling in the PR team and paying them overtime. It’s more likely that this is truly Bristol’s choice.
Lots of teen girls choose not to have abortions.Â And they make that choice on their own. Is it the best choice for them?Â I don’t know.Â Probably not.Â But as someone who is not the mother of a pregnant teenage girl, it’s not my place to offer bribes, pay-offs, orÂ unsolicited advice to any pregnant teens.
Aside from assuming that somehow money is an object for Bristol and that $25,000 is enough to support a family of 3, Stanhope makes some pretty arrogant assumptions:
I was once in a similar situation where I’d accidentally impregnated a girl and she had to make that same fateful decision that now faces you. It was easy for her – she didn’t have a fascist, oligarch parent, the entire Republican Party or the sneering eyes of the Christian Right to contend with, much less a daft, puppet boyfriend who’s just waiting for the cameras to stop rolling so he can bolt like a gazelle.
I’ve never had an abortion.Â I’ve never gotten pregnant unintentionally.Â I do know women who have.Â The decision is rarely described as being “easy”.Â Maybe it was for Stanhope’s girlfriend after realizing she’d give birth to a child genetically predisposed to epic douchebaggery, but for most women it’s not so cut and dry.
Some women later affirm that it was the best decision they ever made, some women spend the rest of their lives doubting and regretting their decisions.Â But I have no doubt it’s a difficult and even heart-wrenching decision. But choice is the really important half of the term “pro-choice”.
In the end, I wish this wasn’t the path she chose for herself.Â Parenting is tough.Â However, I support her decision and hope for nothing but the best for Bristol, her boyfriend and her baby. I wish nothing less than a joyful, rewarding life with their child.
As for Stanhope, he has a plan even if she refuses his money.
Even if you cannot take my offer, I will still use my money or money donated through this page to pay for at least one abortion for a disadvantaged teenage girl each year for the rest of my life in the name of your mother. And in my will, I shall have a good portion of my estate turned into the Sarah J Palin Abortion Fund that will help girls from all walks of life from destroying their lives and our natural resources by having children.
Wait, Doug, I thought you were against using a “poor, imprisoned woman” for “megalomaniacal self-promotion” and agenda pushing? Or is that just when you don’t like the agenda or the person promoting it?