Well, I’ve just returned from my death bed, and thought I’d comment on a couple of skeptical issues that came up while I was suffering.
Yep. Last week I went down hard with the bird flu, or super pneumonia, or SARS, or mega-emphysema, or lung cancer, or something. And I was at Death’s door.
Actually Death doesn’t have a door. He’s kind of into New Age mysticism these days and says he doesn’t like to “impose boundaries”. Death’s door is more like a bunch of those hanging hippie beads. He’s actually got a pretty cool pad, if you can stand the incense and sitar music, and the not living anymore.
But I was really in a bad way. I had one of those chills and fever, coughing, runny nose, stuffy head, headache, sweating, miserable, can’t get out of bed for three days kind of plagues. The kind where you’re burning up, but shaking from the chills at the same time. The kind where, when you do get out of bed, you stagger about in a NyQuil haze, eating aspirin like Pez, wondering how much prison time you’d have to serve for murdering the son of a bitch who passed the virus on to you.
Anyway, I spent a good portion of the time I was incapacitated moaning and watching daytime TV. Did you know daytime TV really sucks? It does, and that only led to more, very protracted moaning. I also got to watch more of the taped portions of the Olympic games than I ever cared to see (events are aired live in the US in late and overnight broadcasts).
One day I emerged from a stupor long enough to complete my last will and testament, and I noticed a good number of Olympic athletes using kinesiology tape. Gold medalist in Athens and contender for another beach volleyball gold in Beijing, Kerri Walsh, is one of the most visible athletes sporting the tape. She wears it on her right shoulder, which underwent surgery this past off-season.
Now, this was not new to me, but some people had questions about the tape and whether it does what it’s supposed to. If you’re not familiar, kinesio taping actually refers to a method of taping and not the tape itself. In fact, there are several different manufacturers using similar composites in the actual tape. But this type of taping was developed by Dr Kenzo Kase in the late 1970’s in an attempt to optimize treatment of injuries and acute and chronic illnesses.
Basically, the kinesio taping method involves taping over and around muscles, which is supposed to assist and give support or to prevent over-contraction. There is no wrapping or “encasing” as is found in conventional taping methods. Taping for lower back pain, for example, involves two vertical strips on each side of the spine and one horizontal strip over the strained area. The tape never circles back over itself to immobilize anything.
But why this method? The product description on one manufacture’s website says:
Muscles constantly extend and contract within a normal range; however, when muscles over-extend and over contract, such as when lifting an excessive amount of weight, muscles cannot recover and become inflamed. When a muscle is inflamed, swollen or stiff due to fatigue, the space between the skin and muscle is compressed, resulting in constriction to the flow of lymphatic fluid. This compression also applies pressure to the pain receptors beneath the skin, which in turn communicates, “discomfort signals” to the brain; the person experiences pain.
The method is supposed to improve the flow of lymphatic fluid in problem areas by relieving pressure.
So is there good, sound science behind this taping method or is it the acupuncture of sports medicine?
Fortunately, I managed to find the strength and lucidity to search the web for answers, which greatly reduced the amount of daytime TV I had to watch, and in turn, greatly reduced the amount of moaning my neighbors had to endure. The information I found was mostly positive, in that there weren’t many trainers or even doctors denying the efficacy of the method. There is little if any published literature debunking it. In addition to that, there are tons of testamonials hailing the method as revolutionary, including quotes from Lance Armstrong, who claimed it helped his team in the 2003 Tour de France.
But after delving into it as much as I could while ill, all I am willing to say for certain is that kinesio taping lets muscles and joints move, providing support without restricting blood flow. For now, I am satisfied with that, but will publish any further updates should I come across more information.
Unfortunately, after putting kinesio taping aside, I still had the demon flu I had contracted with which to contend.
Now, I’ve often heard the “death rattle” described by doctors and in books. It’s a biological phenomenon that we only get to experience once; unlike other forms of gas expulsion that some of us experience far too often – in social settings.
But to placate my personal fear of mortality, I always pictured the death rattle as a harmless child’s toy. You know, the kind you might find in a baby’s crib; maybe painted black with a cartoon picture of the Grim Reaper on the side. That was my idea of the death rattle. I never wanted to face the fact that it is actually an audible clattering in the chest cavity, announcing one’s final breath.
That is until I was forced to stare that reality in the face by virtue of the eight gallons of fluid that gurgled in my lungs for the better part of 4 days. I just knew that the noise associated with the wet, hacking cough, the sputum I expelled into countless tissues, and onto my walls, and onto the people who happened to be walking by was a precursor, a teaser if you will, to the death rattle that was only a busted blood vessel in my brain away.
It really had me worried.
But ultimately I endured, and after a couple days, the buzzards that were circling my house finally went away, and I started to feel better again.
That is until I heard about the latest Big Foot fiasco/hoax.
I hesitate to even call this latest incident a hoax. It was more just a waste of everyone’s time. It served no scientific or journalistic purpose. It was just plain stupid.
I’m actually pissed that the two yokels behind the “costume in a freezer” stunt have served only to perpetuate a stereotype that southern people are ignorant, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing hicks. They’ve done a disservice to science, skepticism, and everyone south of the Mason-Dixon line. My plague on both their houses.
At any rate, that’s about as much as my skeptical sense was tingling while in the death throes. I still have what feels like a beach towel stuffed into my sinus cavity, and everything sounds muffled and far away, but I am definitely on the mend. Indeed I’m back at work, and hope to be back to full speed in a day or two.
So stay tuned.